Wake up and smell the coffee...

Moved!

2010-02-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Coffee and Stories blog has now moved to a new home at www.coffeeandstories.com.

This blog will be brought down in a couple of days. Please update your bookmarks and RSS feed from the new website so you continue to read my stories and provide feedback as always.

If you like the new site, share the link with others. We now have a facebook fan page too for you to stay in touch with the recent updates. The Orkut community stays on, but less active.

Welcome home and thank you for staying with me through this transition. 2010 should see more of my writing!

Best,
DreamVendor

...start with a goodbye. (Final Part)

2009-10-29T23:25:00.004-07:00

(Read Part 1 & Part 2)

He saw the excitement on Maya’s face as he uttered those words. She sprang out of the bench and held his hand. The next thing they knew was they were running from one block to the other not waiting for any of the signals. They both had a hand to hold and that is what mattered during that frenzied run.

She stopped outside an apartment and they were panting like dogs with their tongues sticking out. “More than anything, I think I need to hydrate myself. I must have lost a few pounds!” Ayan said.

She pressed the door bell and keyed in an apartment number. A couple of minutes later they were climbing up the dark staircase.

“What is this place? Looks like a rundown apartment not fit to stay.” Ayan said.

Maya did not respond as it was her first time to that apartment which she had always heard about from her ex-best friend.

They stood out a door listening to the faint sound of the stereo system. Maya looked at Ayan, “Are you ready for this?” she asked.

Ayan’s mind drew a blank. The little liquor that had lingered in his blood that night drained instantly.

“I have to be honest. I have never been here and this is my first time to this party. So don’t blame me if you don’t like it,” she whispered.

“Where are we?”

Before Maya could answer that question, the door opened. A guy in his late 20s opened the door and looked at them.

“I’m Pam’s friend,” Maya said.

The guy looked at Ayan.

“He is with me,” she assured.

The guy opened the door to let them in. A sudden whiff of air pregnant with smell of liquor, smoke, perfumes and colognes hit them. It was overwhelming that they had an instant high just by stepping into the living room. The whole apartment was dimly lit. People were scattered all over. Some standing by the wall, some on the floor, some sprawled over the sofa, some dancing by the stereo and some on the phone. As Maya and Ayan walked coyly into their space, they looked up to see them. A chill ran down Ayan’s spine. He wasn’t feeling comfortable with their stares. He felt alien in that place. As if to have read his mind, Maya held his hand, “It is going to be the best night ever,” she said.

He did not want to believe her. But he did not want to go back either. To his house where nobody would be waiting for him, where he would stare back at a wall that would just remind him of all his failed or wrongly-played relationships, or at the least office work. He tightened his hold of her hand. She looked back at him and looked at him in his eyes for the first time that evening.

“You will be fine,” she said and kissed him on his cheeks to make him comfortable.
They stepped into a room where people lay like zombies in a world of their own. Candles were the only source of light in that room and they couldn’t see other’s faces. Maya sat beside a coffee table and pulled Ayan down. He knelt down and looked at the table. In a jiffy, Maya picked a roll, lit it and smoked. She taught Ayan how to do it. He hesitated for a moment. In half hour he was sitting against the wall with his legs sprawled. He did not recognize if it was Maya or if it was someone else who had her head on his shoulder. He wanted to walk down those dark staircases, to the park, to the bar, to the station, to the train, to his house. But he was already flying. He had a buzz in his head and he knew it was tickling him. He laughed, cried and kissed the stranger beside him. They kissed for a very long time. He thought it was Farrah. He thought it was Maya. He thought he was dead.

“Who is this guy?” Pam asked Maya.

“I met him at the park. Don’t know his name.” Maya said as she was gulping down tequila.

“Make sure you take him when you leave. I can’t clean out people from this apartment not knowing where they come from or supposed to go to,” Pam said.

An hour later, Maya tapped on Ayan’s shoulder. He looked up with his bloodshot eyes.

“Time to go,” she said.

“Where?”

“Home.”

Ayan did not respond. He looked at the coffee table. There was nothing left on the table.

“Drink?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Come let us go and get some drinks.”

He stood up holding the wall and Maya held his hand again. They walked to the kitchen. Ayan looked around to see people making out and still dancing. The music was down as it was after hours at the apartment. There were only few more glasses of tequila left and he was lucky. Maya and Ayan gulped it down like they were fishes starving for water.

Ayan pulled out five dollars from his wallet and gave it to Maya.

“Is that a tip?” she asked.

He realized Maya was not the bartender.

“I’m sorry!” he whispered and laughed at his own silliness.

She pulled the five bucks from him and stuffed it in her pocket.

“I could use that!” she winked at him.

“Where next?” he asked.

“Hang on, let me check if there are more parties happening around this area.” she walked out of the kitchen.

Ayan held the wall and sat down. He closed his eyes and a million things erupted on his mind. A mix of emotions brought him ecstasy and pain. He looked around to see if there was a clock and he didn’t realize he had a watch. He heard the sound of an airplane flying over the building. He immediately stormed out of the house and climbed up the stairs to the terrace. He stood there unsteadily looking at the airplane soar in the sky.

“Fuck you!” he screamed and sat on the floor resting his head on the wall.

“Feels good?” he heard a voice.

He looked up to see Maya. He did not respond. She sat beside him. All the alcohol kept them warm that night. They were silent for a very long time thinking of new moments they wished to have and old memories which they wanted to erase.

“What is it with winter and feeling lonely?” she asked.

“It is like all summer love ends in winter and then you are lonely.”

“Is that a plot? A game?”

“I think love could also be seasonal. Sometimes you have four seasons. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you will have a long summer.”

“You talk better when you are high. I like that.”

“Is this your life?”

She did not look at him. They both were looking at the airplane that was fading into the sky.

“Drugs. Alcohol. Random sex. Lonely nights. Tears.” he said.

“At least I don’t wake up alone.” she smiled.

“Sure. Makes sense. I wake up alone and usually look at the a clock’s face.”

She laughed.

“Get a life!” she said.

“Like yours?”

She did not respond.

“I now recollect that I was kissing someone in that apartment. I don’t even remember her face. Maybe another lonely soul scattered in that room.”

“I know her. She is married to this handsome guy who runs a hotel that specializes in Mediterranean cuisine.”

Ayan did not react.

“Why is she here?” he asked after a while.

“He is also here.”

“I think I should go.”

“You don’t like it here, do you?”

“All these are just momentary. I might hate myself when I wake up tomorrow for being here. Before anything else happens, I will go home.”

She did not respond.

“Aren’t you leaving?” he asked.

“No, I’m going to another party which just started two hours ago.”

“How far is it? Let me walk you till there and then I will take the train.”

They were walking silently down the lane. It was three in the morning.

“Who was on the plane?” Maya asked.

“Farrah.”

“Farrah who?”

“Someone I THOUGHT I was dating, but later realized I was just a stopgap before she moved on from her city to a new one. I spent my time and money on someone who probably didn’t deserve it.”

“Stopgaps. Date for convenience. Love for time pass. Dating two people at the same time. You either get used to them or you stay single.”

“Maybe yes. I’m beginning to believe that, life in this city is all about faking it.”

“Agreed. You can’t fake it only when you are really high. Like you can’t fake it that you are normal when you are drunk.” she laughed.

“You are a pretty girl. You can get into a steady relationship if you are patient,” he said.

“I’ve been patient. I’ve been sensitive and sane. But when life becomes a bitch, you got to be a bitch too to beat it.”

“Just because you have had few disastrous relationships, it doesn’t mean you give up on everything, that includes sanity and ethics.”

“Ethics? My ass!” she laughed, “What are you? Teenager?”

He did not respond.

“You think I’m trashy, don’t you?” she asked. There was anger in her tone.

“No, I don’t.”

“I think it is time for us to say goodbye,” she said looking at the subway station.

“I can walk you to the next party.”

“Are you coming too?”

“No”

“Then you can leave now. I will be fine. It is just a couple of blocks away.”

They hugged and she kissed him on his cheeks.

“You are a nice guy. Just give it some time. Things will fall into place and you deserve a good time,” she said.

“Thank you. You take care too.”

The strangers walked away from each other.

Ayan switched on the light in his apartment and saw how neat it was. He had just walked out of an apartment full of people, smoke, sex, and insanity. He, for a moment, missed the madness. He fell on his bed and closed his eyes. He began to sweat profusely. An old lady in the train asking for a lily, the bouncer closing the door behind Farrah, Maya hugging him that night, Farrah shaking his hands for the first time when they had met, flashes of memories hit his closed eyes and he fell into a trance.

Maya walked into the next party. The living room was no different from the previous party. She got what she had wanted. Weed, liquor and strangers. She danced through the night and then everything went blank in a jiffy.

The day dawned late for Ayan. He woke up by noon and pulled the curtains open, squinting his eyes at the winter sun. He looked like a wreck when he saw the mirror. Few hours later he walked down to grab a burger. He stood at the store waiting for his order, trying to recollect the events of the previous night. He smiled to himself. It was a crazy night, but yet he had his moments. He vividly remembered Maya and their conversations that night.

“Number 48!”

As he walked to the counter to pick his order, he saw a familiar face on the television screen above the counter. He froze.

Two girls had died the previous night of drug overdose. Maya and her ex-best friend, Pam. There was also speculation that it could have been murder. Ayan stood there to gather if they mentioned anything about the stranger who had accompanied Maya that night. There was none. He walked out slowly and later he saw himself running to his apartment. He locked himself in, sat behind the locked door and sweated profusely. His eye reddened and he gasped for breath. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t. Maya was just a stranger yet she left behind something with him. He was unable to move, cry, or emote. Something was transforming within. He had a sudden craving for the trance. He wanted to be back in that apartment full of smoke and madness. He wanted to take Maya away from that place. He wanted to go back to train and give the lily to the old lady. He wanted to rush back to the closed door at the bar. He wanted to do a million things that moment but he sat there like he was dead. He probably will go back to that apartment. He wanted to feel the high again. The smoke and the strangers. For all the madness. For Maya.

The End

...start with a goodbye. (Part 2)

2009-10-28T19:49:00.004-07:00

(Read Part 1 here)

“Head or tail?” Maya asked.

“What is it about?” Ayan pulled back his loitering mind from the dark sky and looked at Maya’s dark eyes.

“Just tell”

“Tail”

She looked at the coin on her palm.

“Tail. Damn!”

“What happened?” Ayan was curious to know.

“Don’t bother”

“Err..what?”

“I said don’t bother” She tossed the coin back to him and pulled out another cigarette in her hand.

“Maya, I think Chris is here,” her friend said as they were having drinks in a bar on a girl’s night-out.

Maya looked back immediately. She saw Chris walking in with a woman. She was a stunner. Maya jumped off her bar stool and rushed to the restroom. She checked herself on the mirror. She did not remember the last time she had checked herself on the mirror. None of her hookups were bothered how her face looked as long as she was there in bed doing what she had to. Her eyes softened. It wasn’t going to be a pleasant rendezvous if she met him again, especially when he was with another woman. But she felt rebellious and wanted to throw an attitude on him. Palpitation in her heart grew steadily and it finally erupted into tears which she had been holding against Chris all the while. She locked herself in the stall, leaned against the wall and wailed like she had lost a loved one.

“Is everything alright?” someone asked from the next stall.

Maya wiped her tears and did not respond to the voice. She stepped out of the stall and walked to the mirror. She couldn’t recognize her own face. She washed her face and looked up to see the stunning woman step out of the stall.

Maya pulled out paper napkins and dried her face.

“Are you sure you are not wasting your tears on wrong things or a wrong person?” the lady asked Maya.

“Who are you? A shrink?”

The lady smiled as she was adjusting her dress.

“How long have you been with Chris?” Maya stared into the lady.

“So we do have something common here. Hi! I’m Kathy”

Maya did not shake hands with her.

“So how long have you been with him?”

“Why should I tell you that?”

Maya was silent. She was curious to know if Kathy was the reason why Chris walked out of that door the other day.

“He walked out of the door one morning not giving me an explanation. I haven’t cried so long that I broke down today after seeing him.”

“If you think I was the reason, you got it wrong. I met Chris only last week,” Kathy told Maya what she had wanted to hear. As much as there was a sigh of relief, Maya still was curious to know why he left her.

“He might walk out of you too one morning”

Kathy looked at Maya as if she was naïve to have made such a statement.

“When he walks out of that door without an explanation, I wouldn’t cry in a restroom stall. I would hunt him down and break his head.” Kathy walked out of the restroom. And that is what Maya did when she walked out of the restroom. She walked to her table, picked her beer bottle, emptied it in a gulp and smashed it on Chris’s head. She fled out of the bar even before others could realize what had happened and who had broke his head. Only Kathy knew about it. She too walked out of the bar few minutes later abandoning a bleeding Chris on the floor.

“Do you believe in Karma?” Maya asked Ayan.

“Yes, I do. But now I believe in grabbing a coffee.”

“No, beer!” her eyes lit up.

There was silence between them for a while. Farrah was not ready for a relationship at a point where she was telling goodbye to everyone in her city.

“I just said I’m falling for you. I’m not asking you to fall in love with me and make babies” Ayan laughed.

“You sound silly”

“Maybe I am”

One week later, Farrah called Ayan for a party at a bar with her friends. He had waited for her call all week and he heaved a sigh of relief when she finally did.

On his way to the bar, he stopped by the florist and picked a bunch of her favorite white lilies.

“Those flowers look lovely,” the old lady, sitting next to him in the train, told him.

“Thank you. The lady who is going to receive it is also lovely,” he said.

“She must be lucky.”

“I think so too,” he laughed.

“Can I have just one of those flowers?”

Ayan was hesitant for a moment to pull out a flower from the bunch that was neatly tied together. Just then his station arrived and he stood up to leave. He turned around and saw the old lady apologetically.

She smiled and waved at him. Something was not right and Ayan did not feel good. He stood outside the train for a moment, then shook himself out of the reverie and walked out of the subway.

Her eyes widened when she saw the flowers in his hand. Ayan looked at her friends who were ooh-aah-ing his gesture of bringing flowers for her that evening. She was dressed to kill and there was something special about her that night.

As they sat around the table and ordered their drinks, “Fa, clubbing would not be fun anymore without you”, started a friend. Each one went on to tell stories of their past with Farrah. Ayan sat there taking it all in, one after the other.

“I’m going to miss you guys too,” she finally spoke, clearly avoiding Ayan’s eyes.

It was her farewell party and Ayan hadn’t known about it. He thought he had more time with her. He did not. She did not tell him that she was leaving in two days.

The night got busier with more people dropping in and filling the dance floor. Ayan could not take his eyes off Farrah that evening. She enjoyed every moment of hers in that bar. He wanted to stop her from dancing and ask, “Why didn’t you tell me?”.

She moved closer to him and rubbed her back against him and swayed to the music. He held her hips and swayed along.

“Why didn’t you tell me that it was your farewell party? When are you leaving?” Words were stuck in his throat. She turned around and wrapped her arms around him.

“I’m leaving in two days,” she said and looked into his eyes.

He was still holding her by her hips and swaying to the music.

He did not respond. He kept staring back at her eyes.

“You are supposed to ask – why didn’t you tell me earlier?” she said.

He remained silent.

“You must be mad.”

“Why did you call me today?” he asked.

“Because I wanted to say goodbye.”

“So when are you going to tell that?”

She did not respond.

She loosened her grip over him and walked out of the bar. It was a cold evening and she stood there with folded arms. He hugged her from behind and kissed her on her neck. She turned around and kissed him on his lips. They kissed for a long time.

“Come home with me,” he said as they were kissing.

She gradually moved away from him.

“Did I ask for something forbidden?”

“I don’t think it is a good idea,” she said.

He stretched his hand to her, “Come home and spend the night with me.”

“It wasn’t in my agenda.”

“Give me a chance to wake up in the morning and look at your face before you were gone forever.”

“Goodbye, Ayan.”

She walked into the bar. He stood there watching her walk inside and the bouncer closing the door behind her.

“Coffee at this hour is not good. Lets get some beer!” Maya said.

“If I drink more, I’m going to be all sober and you need a lot of patience to handle my insanity” Ayan said.

“Sure. Let us see who loses their insanity first.”

“Right. It is usually, you walk into the bar with a checklist on your mind. Mobile, tick. Wallet, tick. ID, tick. Appropriate clothes, tick. Cologne, tick. And when you step out - Mobile, tick. Wallet, tick. ID, tick. Dignity, cross. Sanity, cross.”

She laughed. “I think we just need to get drunk and smoke some pot. It would be fun.”

Ayan looked at her like she was a clown in a circus he was pushed into for free. “I don’t smoke pot.”

After a brief silence, “Maybe I will,” he said.

To be continued...

...start with a goodbye.

2009-10-26T22:59:00.005-07:00

“Fuck!”

As if to have woken up from a deep slumber, Ayan looked up. It was dark and cold. He had been sitting in the park for over two hours. He looked to the left to see a girl with a hood over her head.

“Fuck! Fuck!” Maya was clearly annoyed at her lighter not wanting to light-up her cigarette. She flung the lighter at the trashcan on the other side. The lighter hit the rim of the trashcan and fell outside.

“Do you have a lighter?” she turned to him.

“What was that?”

“Do-you-have-a-lighter?” she mumbled under her frustrated breath.

“No, I don’t,” he said.

He looked at his watch and stood up to leave.

“Sure, it is time for you to leave,” she said.

“Excuse me?”

She did not respond. She pulled her hood further down over her head not revealing her face. It was getting colder and there were hardly anyone around.

He bent down to pick his jacket from the bench beside her. A strong whiff of her perfume nauseated him with memories that came rushing like a flood from an open dam. He felt weak on his knees and wanted to sit there forever and smell that perfume.

He put his jacket on and tucked his mobile in his pocket. He was ready to leave and catch his train back home. Instead he sat back on that bench taking in all the silence around and the silent tears from a stranger beside him. The night must have gotten younger at that hour – 1 am.

Maya was in the kitchen brewing coffee for Chris while he was in the shower. He hadn’t spoken to her all night. He had complained of a headache after the drinks at the club. She opened the cookie jar and put some on the plate. As she placed the coffee mugs and the cookie plate on the table, Chris stepped out of the shower.

“Are you feeling ok baby?” she asked.

He returned a faint smile and a nod assuring her that he was feeling better, but not really.

As she sipped her coffee, she offered him his cup.

“I have to leave,” he said packing his bag.

“Where? We had shopping plans this morning.”

He did not respond and he continued to pack. She knew the answer to her question.

The silence was awkward.

“Coffee?”

“No, I don’t feel good. Must have been the drinks last night.”

He walked to the door and slipped his right leg into his shoe. She was still at the dining table watching him and his strange behavior. He did not look into her eyes. He did not kiss her goodbye. He did not turn back to see if she was smiling, confused, or crying. He put on his other shoe and turned around to see her.

“I’m sorry.” He walked out of that door, closing it slowly behind him.

“Hey! Can I borrow your lighter?” Maya asked the man who passed by.

She lit her cigarette and turned to look at Ayan. He looked at the smoke from her mouth that dissolved in the cold air. His memories floated in air, but it never ever dissolved.

“Isn’t the evening pretty?” she had said as they walked out of the bar. They had a long conversation on their second date. They were beginning to like each other, or so he thought. Ayan had met Farrah at a party a month ago. One week later they went on their first date. Two weeks later they were getting drunk at a local bar, presumably their second date.

“Not as pretty as you are tonight”

“Cheesy bugger!”

It began to drizzle and neither had an umbrella. People scurried for shelter like rats in the attic.

“Either we walk in the rain or go back to the bar and take shelter and drink more,” he suggested.

“Head or tail? Rain or vodka?”

He pulled out a coin and flipped it in the air. They looked up together and couldn’t spot the coin as the cold drizzle hit their faces. They looked down to see the coin run down the drain. He pulled out another coin and hid it in his palm.

“Head or tail?” he asked.

She looked at his closed palm and looked up at him. A huge drop of water ran down his forehead. On her toes, she stood tall to kiss him on his wet lips. On a busy street where people were scurrying for shelter and under a dimly lit lamp post, they stood there kissing like no one was watching. They laughed after they were snapped out of the momentary magic when the drizzle stopped. They had laughed all the way to the subway station.

As the train door closed, he stood at the platform looking at Farrah standing inside. She did not wave or smile at him. As the alcohol was draining and their realities were checking on them, they knew it was a dream. Farrah was leaving the city forever. She had told him on their first date.

“What keeps you up so late in this park?” Maya asked Ayan who was still chasing stories in the smoke. He realized the smoke was long gone and he was staring at the emptiness that night.

“Nothing. Just relaxing.”

“Right. At this hour and on a Saturday night,” she said.

“And what keeps you here smoking at every other opportunity?” he asked.

She removed her hood and looked at him. Her hair was so beautiful for her to have a hood over it. Her eyes were hurt and the dark circle under her eyes was an arch of a dark history she wanted to hide but could not.

“…please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I can.” Beep. Maya had tried to reach Chris all day and he had not picked her call. She had left a dozen messages and called his home number. She hadn’t realized that “I’m sorry” were the last words that she had heard from him. She walked around her house like a zombie that day looking at the untouched coffee cup, the uneaten cookies on the plate and the pillow that slept between them the previous night. She had never known a night when they had a pillow between them. Last night they did because he had insisted.

One week later, she had sent him a text. He did not respond. Two weeks later she sent him a text again. Later that night she woke up to a text message from him. “I’m fine. Hope you are fine too.” She did not respond to it. She slept in peace. At least a thought that she had the last silence to serve that night.

She woke up to another text two days later. “Hey, how is it going?”. She could not sleep after that. She opened her wardrobe and dug out a pack that she had hidden a year ago. She smoked pot that night and all the nights that came afterwards. She woke up most of the mornings with a stranger beside her. Sometimes she never knew if it was her house or if it was the stranger’s. Sometimes she demanded money when she woke up just because she could get more weed from her once best friend. They had broken up over a guy who screwed them both the same day. They blamed it on each other and their friendship was broken beyond soldering. Weed was the only residue left of their long friendship.

“How much money do you have?” Maya asked Ayan.

It startled Ayan and he cringed.

“I’m not going to mug you. Muggers won’t ask you how much you have before they mug you” she smiled. She had a beautiful smile behind that mask which was gradually losing its sheen.

“I don’t carry cash. Maybe a few cents”

“Can you give me a coin?”

He pulled out a 25 cents coin from his wallet and dropped it in her open palm stretched towards him.

She flipped the coin in the air. Ayan looked up to spot the coin this time and stared into the dark empty sky. He kept staring at the sky even after the coin had fallen back into her cupped hands.

It was on their third date that Ayan decided to ask Farrah, “Why should we continue to date although we know you are leaving?”

She looked up at him placing the wine glass on the table.

“You tell me why. I told you that I would be leaving in a month or two on our first date. You asked me out on a second date. So I will let you answer that question.”

Ayan had no answer and regretted asking the question, but he wanted to know what would happen after their fourth, or fifth or even their tenth date. Will he be standing at the airport waving at her and driving back home like she never existed?

“Maybe we could still see each other,” he said.

“Ok, we are not seeing each other. Even if we are in that phase, I do not believe in long term relationship. It is a myth.”

Ayan’s mind drew a blank screen as if the play was over and the lights were switched off. His act was over. It was time to witness her’s.

She spoke all evening. He sat there looking at her, those dangling earrings, those non-stop lips, the fluttering hair, and taking all of those with her perfume that lingered around him.

“I think I’m falling for you,” he blurted.

She stopped talking. Her act was interrupted abruptly and the screens were drawn on her. The lights were switched off.

To be continued...

Published!

2009-03-24T09:19:00.003-07:00

Long long ago (like in Oct 2008) I submitted one of my short stories (written the unconventional way) to a Short Story Contest conducted by Mirage Books. Later did they tell me that my story won the contest and it will be published along with 49 other short stories written by Indian and Foreign authors. Finally the day has come – the book is out this week – titled ‘Inner Voices’ - and I now call myself a published author! *modesty, a virtue!*

Here is an excerpt from that story titled “Million Steps” which most of you might have read. I had to remove it from this blog due to copyright requirement.

You stood for a moment to see the city beneath. Lit. Your eyes widened. Glitz. Panoramic view. Of the city. Of my heart. You loved the scenic view. You thanked me for bringing you there. I thanked the city for not having a power shutdown that night. Can we sit here and look at the city go to sleep you asked. Am I used to saying No? I sat beside you. Melting all over again. You moved close to me. Held my hand. You started to read my palm now. The lines are messed up I said. Time to untangle you said and ran your finger over it. Ticklish, it wasn’t. You were defining my future. Re-defining if I can call it. You looked at the mole in my index finger and smiled. What does that mean I asked. I don’t know but it looks cute you said. I thanked God….

For more mush, you got to buy the book ;) It is available at NONE of the stores near you (!) at this point of time, unless you live in Pune. But, you do get it online - Rediff and Amazon.

Sadly, I haven’t received the book yet, but couldn’t wait to post the excitement on this blog and share it with you all. It is your comments and feedbacks that make me write more and better. Thank you for following this blog and letting me know your feedback all the while.

Congratulations Sophia, you did it too!

Cheers!
DreamVendor

United they fall, Divided they stand (Final Part)

2009-02-18T23:11:00.005-07:00

Continued...

[read United they fall, Divided they stand Part 1 | Part 2)

Few hours ago.

"I'm sorry uncle. It was me who suggested we get married. Siddarth was not ready for the marriage against your wish. We waited for 7 long years. We were seeing each other right from college."

Siddarth's dad looked up at Mansi for the first time. His daughter-in-law. Siddarth's mother shared a faint smile. Mansi and Siddarth kept looking at his father.

"Please leave this house. Both of you" he said politely and walked into his room.

After an-hour he walked out of his room to see Siddarth lugging two huge suitcases down the staircase. Mansi and his mother helped him carry it to the living room.

"You haven't left yet?" his father asked cynically. "I'm hungry" he told his wife.

"Varun has taken my car and I have to wait for him to get back, if that is fine with you" Siddarth said in a defensive tone. "..and all the stuff in this suitcase are mine. I'm not taking anything from this house" he said.

His father sat at the dinner table waiting for dinner to be served. Siddarth sank into the couch with a growling face. He was hungry too. Mansi sat beside him and rubbed his arms.

They heard the plate being placed on the table. Just one plate. His father began to eat.

"What is with this king-sized ego all about? How long will you continue like this?" Siddarth screamed from the living room.

There was no response to his question.

"We waited dad. Like idiots we waited for a long time not knowing when to approach you. This fear has always made me a conscious person in loving Mansi. She is the one for me and I know I can have a happy life with her. What makes you think that the girl you decide is the one who is going to keep me happy?" his voice cracked as he mustered all the courage to talk like that to his father.

His father replied, in silence.

"Ma, did you really love dad when you married him or have you lived your life so far not knowing who this man really is?" Siddarth asked his mom.

She was taken aback by his question. Her face turned pale as she looked up at her husband in his eyes.

He smiled at her and she least expected that reaction. He continued to munch on his rotis.

"Answer him. He thinks you never knew me well all these years." he said.

She did not look up to see him. Her silence hurt him and he continued munching his food as his mind was munching her silence.

“I didn’t love your dad when I married him. I didn’t love him for a very long time. It took a while for me to fall in love with him for the man he was and he is. After sometime I couldn’t live without him” she answered.

Siddarth smiled as he held Mansi’s hand.

His dad realized that he had never asked that question to her when they were married. He took it for granted that his wife was in love with him all the while. He was wrong and it had taken so long for her to break that to him when their son married a woman he loved.

“I’m sorry” she said.

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. I feel embarrassed to talk about it after so many years. I feel ashamed too”

“Please don’t be. I didn’t intend to hurt you. I just don’t want our kids to be hurt. They love each other and I think we should be happy for them” she said assertively.

Siddarth was looking at the luggage in the hallway. In few minutes it might go back into his room and his face brightened.

-------------------

Varun sank further in his couch listening to all that had happened when he was not at home.

“So it is one happy family. Great!” he said and walked up the stairs to his room.
Siddarth knew why Varun was angry and followed him to his room. As Varun was closing the door he saw Siddarth stand outside.

“I’m sorry. I need to talk to you” Siddarth said.

Varun stood at the door not wanting to let Siddarth in his room.

“There is nothing to talk about. I least expected this from you. You broke my trust”, Varun said and slammed the door on Siddarth’s face.

As he walked to the balcony, a streak of childhood memory flashed on his mind. He was reminded of the morning when Siddarth slammed the car door. Siddarth was inside the car waving at Varun while the car was pulling out of the house. Varun stood by the door, pressing his nose against the glass, tears rolling down his cheeks. Every day he would stand by that door waiting for his brother to return from the boarding school. It had taken 4 years for Siddarth to come back to that house and to his brother.

Varun heard someone knock at his door. He did not respond to it.

“Varun!” he heard his mom call out for him from outside the door.

He let her in and sank in his beanbag.

“Siddarth told me everything” she started off the conversation as she was picking up the clothes strewn all over the room.

Varun did not respond. His eyes followed her hands as she picked each item on the floor.

“Too man things have happened tonight and your dad is an old man. He needs to take it all slowly. I just want you to stay calm and not feel sad. If it has worked for Siddarth, it will work for you too. We just need to give some space for your dad to accommodate all the changes that are happening in this house” she said.

The moment she finished her statement Varun broke down. He was cracking up with anger and dismay. He finally gave up as his mother had the voice to heal the wounds. She dumped his clothes in the laundry bag and walked to Varun. She ruffled his hair as if to comfort him and said, “Oil! You hardly have any oil on your head!” she exclaimed.

“Come on ma!” that put a faint smile on Varun’s drooping face.

“Everything will be fine. Give it some time. Please be patient” she said. He nodded his head as if to agree with her.

A week passed by and Varun took conscious effort to stay away from everyone at home. He would leave home even before anyone wakes up and get back home late in the night.

He took autorick to work and sometimes took the local train or the bus to commute between home and work. He never took calls from home or from Siddarth’s mobile. He was giving Siddarth his time to repent. Siddarth was giving Varun his time to forgive and forget. A week was too less for all that to happen.

After numerous calls, texts and emails, Megha too gave up on Varun for his nonchalance. He had shutdown his communication with family and social network. He needed time to divert his anger into channels that would help him move on.

That Saturday night, unusually, Varun stayed at home instead of spending the night with his friends. He was at the balcony working on his laptop. He saw Siddarth’s car pull into the house. He stared back into his laptop. Few minutes later there was a knock on his door. He quickly hid the wine glass behind the balcony door.

“I need to talk to you” Siddarth stood outside the door and beside him stood Mansi with a bag in her hand.

Varun did not react. He just left the door open and sat on his bean bag, his newly found favorite place in the whole house. Earlier it used to be the living room watching television with the whole family.

“We got you something” Mansi gave a box wrapped in yellow satin ribbon. Varun wasn’t surprised at the consolation act his brother and sister-in-law were throwing at him that night.

He did not receive it from her. She placed it on his lap and sat beside Siddarth on the bed.

“How long will you be angry with us? Forever? We live in the same house Varun. Tell me what I need to do to make you feel better. I feel bad and I’m sorry for what I did. I don’t have an explanation to defend myself. Maybe I was just selfish…”

Varun looked up at Siddarth. It had been more than a week since he had seen his brother face to face. The word ‘selfish’ had poured few drops of water on his fuming anger. Siddarth’s admittance of being selfish was a give away.

“I’m sorry too” Mansi said. Varun did not look at her.

“How long are you going to try to break my nonchalance?” Varun asked looking at Siddarth.

“How long do you want us to try?” he threw the dagger back at him.

“Today was your last try and unfortunately it hasn’t worked. Timeout Siddarth! Now if you would back off I can go to sleep”

Siddarth stormed out of Varun’s room not wanting to take any more of Varun’s antics.

“He is really hurt. So is everyone in this house. I take the responsibility too of what is happening in this house…” Mansi started the conversation.

Varun did not want to be rude to a stranger. He remained silent and looked at the door out of which his brother had walked away.

“Everyday he wakes up talking about you and goes to sleep repenting. Tell us what can make you feel happy and get out of this. We have tried too. Please open the pack.” She said.

Varun did not move.

Mansi stood up to leave.

“You have forgotten something” Varun said.

She knew what he meant.

“That gift is for you. You will not regret opening it. Please do it for yourself if not for us” she said and walked out of the door closing it behind.

Varun looked at the gift. He held it in his hand and unwrapped the satin ribbon. Something told his mind that opening the gift would change the decision he had already taken. On second thoughts he pushed the box under his cot.

Three days later at the dinner table, Varun joined the family for dinner taking them by surprise. His mom showed all her excitement by serving him first.

Varun looked up at his dad and said, “I’m moving to Australia for a bit.”

Siddarth looked up at Varun while his mom’s face drained.

“A bit?” his dad questioned.

“Hmm…” Varun did not want to give away any information. He thought nobody deserved to know his future plans.

“Like weeks?” his dad persisted.

“Like years” he said.

“Are you leaving tonight?” his dad asked cynically.

Varun chuckled and said, “No, in two days”

“Hmm… that is sufficient notice period for us to be prepared for your departure” his dad responded.

That was the last statement at that dining table that night and the nights to come.

Varun’s mom walked into his room later that night. This time she did not have any clothes to pick from the floor. They were all neatly packed in his suitcases. She just had broken pieces of her mind to collect and leave.

“I’m sorry mom. I just needed some time. If I continue to live in this house, I don’t see myself patching up again with this family. Something has gone wrong and I need space and time to get back to this family. Things are divided on my mind right now” Varun said as he continued to pick some CDs from the rack.

“I won’t stop you from going. I just want this family to be together again. I will wait, but please come back soon” she said.

Varun knew his mom was breaking within but her voice was clear.

“You have never been out of this home. You have always grown under our wings. I’m worried how you will survive alone.” his mom said.

“For the past two weeks, I have survived alone in this house. I don’t think it will make any difference. I will be fine.”

“I know you will be. Can I pack for you?” she said.

“No ma, I have already done that. First step to handle things myself!” he smiled at her.

She did not return his smile.

“Can I ask dad for some money?”

“No, my company will take care of my expenses initially until I settle down there”

“Did you open the gift that Siddarth and Mansi got for you?”

“You knew about it too?” he asked.

“You still want to go in spite of the gift?” she asked.

“I haven’t opened it ma. I don’t know where it is”

“I can see it under your cot” she said.

Varun did not respond. He continued ransacking his racks.

“Please open it Varun.”

“I will. I will” he said but did not head to the gift under his cot.

------------------------

The most detested evening arrived at that house with not much fanfare.

Everyone was waiting for Varun at the living room. His suitcases were already waiting at the verandah. He was on the phone as he walked down the stairs. He saw his family waiting for him and he hung up on his call.

“I will drop you off at the airport” Siddarth said.

“Your mom and I will come in my car” his dad said.

“Ayan is already waiting outside in his car. I’m good to go with him” Varun said as he walked out.

As he stood by the door, he turned around to see his mom. Then he looked at his dad and said, “Please take care of her. She has taken care of us all for a very long time”

“I will…. come back soon” his dad responded. Varun did not expect that from his dad.

He looked at Siddarth and Mansi. He couldn’t see them in their eyes. “Congratulations!”, he said.

He walked up to his mom and hugged her. “I promise to apply oil on my hair regularly” he said and patted on her back.

As he picked his baggage along with Ayan, “It is ok if you want to marry someone you like….. but bring her home so we could meet her before the wedding”, his dad said.

Varun looked back surprised at his dad’s statement.

“We want to see your wedding at least” his dad finished the statement.

It hurt Siddarth but the moment was too overwhelming that he let his dad’s statement pass.

“Even if it is Megha…” his mom threw another surprise.

Varun got into the car ignoring all of those. As the car moved, he rolled down the window but did not look back at his family fading behind him.

Siddarth stood there looking at his little brother go away from home for the first time. A streak of memory flashed on his mind. He was reminded of the morning when he slammed the car door. He was inside the car waving at Varun while the car was pulling out of the house. Varun stood by the door, pressing his nose against the glass, tears rolling down his cheeks. Every day he would hope to go back home from hostel and see his little brother sticking his nose to the glass door. It had taken 4 years for Siddarth to go back to that house and to his brother. This time, he did not know how many years he will stand by that door awaiting the day when his brother will be back in the family.

THE END

------------

PS: If this was a short film, I would have panned the camera to the gift under the cot and rolled the credits ;) This being a short story, am going to leave it to the reader’s imagination to decide on what was inside the gift.

What was on my mind when I wrote about the gift? Megha!

United they fall, Divided they stand (Part 2)

2009-02-08T23:20:00.003-07:00

Continued...

[read United they fall, Divided they stand Part 1)

"You have every right to be mad at me.." Siddarth broke the silence.

"Shut the fuk up" Varun gritted his teeth in anger. Siddarth had expected more than that. Maybe his younger brother would hit him or call him names, but he downplayed it because of their dad's presence in the dining room.

Their parents walked into the living room and their dad sank into the couch. Siddarth took the chance and sat beside his dad slowly.

"I'm sorry dad" he said.

His dad did not respond. Varun leaned on the wall and folded his arms as if to wait and watch the drama unfold.

"She is everything to me. I was afraid you will never approve this and I thought this was the right time.." Siddarth said.

"Right time?" Varun broke the moment.

His dad looked up at Varun. Both their eyes were visibly hurt. His dad looked down again to show how ashamed he was.

A few seconds passed in awkward silence.

Somebody had to break it and their dad finally did it.

"Get out" he said in a soft tone.

Varun looked at his dad and then looked at Siddarth. Neither moved.

"And this will NEVER repeat in this house" their dad raised his voice and told that to Varun.

Varun couldn't hold his anger any longer.

"You better stay out of this house" Varun stared into Siddarth and stormed out of the house.

********

"I can't believe he did something like that" Varun was brimming with anger.

Megha did not respond. She was as upset as him and did not know if she had to console him or herself.

"Give it a few days and your dad should be cool about it." Varun's friend Ayan said.

"Maybe you should also get married like your brother!" Anita suggested.

"That would devastate my dad. My family will be torn apart" Varun mellowed down.

Megha looked up at him, "What does that mean?", she asked.

"That means I can't go against my dad" Varun said.

"That means you are breaking up with me?"

"Ok, I seriously have had too much of drama at home. I'm not ready for another one. I didn't mean that"

"Whatever that meant. You might betray me too" she said.

The word 'betray' pounded his head. The sight of his brother and his wife at the living room flashed and his head went dizzy.

"Please do not make this difficult for me. I'm already breaking within"

Megha got into her car and turned on the engine. She waited for Varun to stop her. He did not and she drove away.

"Just go home and get some sleep. You should be able to survive the night" Ayan said and patted on Varun's back.

Anita gave him a hug and left him behind. Varun sat in his car. A million things were sprouting out of his mind. He didn't want to go to his house to see his depressed parents. His girlfriend just drove away when he needed her the most. He didn't know where he belonged that night and where his destiny was. He took a long drive back to his house. The lights were still on. Siddarth could have just packed his bags and left. Maybe his parents were waiting for him. Maybe he was their desinty. Siddarth had betrayed them all. Maybe they expected Varun to be the son that they always wanted to be.

He stood at the door. He didn't want to step in. He wasn't ready to face anyone. He just needed his space and time. The door opened even before he could knock. Mansi stood there at the door and smiled at him. She had changed to a salwar kameez.

He peered into the living room and saw Siddarth on the couch watching television. He saw his father reading a book. His mother was not around. He stepped in and took his shoes off still searching for his mother.

"Kajar halwa is now ready!" his mother walked out of the kitchen with four bowls of the sweet.

The house seemed like nothing had happened just a few hours ago. Maybe he stepped into the wrong house. Maybe he opened the door to the future where everyone was old. Maybe he would see Siddarth's kids running around the house while Varun stood there ageless. He snapped out of something close to reality and stepped into the true one.

"Oh, let me get one more bowl for you" his mom said as she placed the tray on the tea table.

Varun noticed that there were only 4 bowls on the tray.

"No worries mom. Varun can take my share" Siddarth said as if it would serve as a consolation.

Siddarth had always shared everything with Varun ever since their childhood. Siddarth was always the loving brother that Varun had known and worshipped. Probably he is still the same. Maybe Varun was overreacting.

Mansi took a bowl from the tray and gave it to Varun. He looked up at her and saw her face completely for the first time. She was a pretty lady and she could make a good pair for his brother.

He placed the car keys on the table and then it struck him that the car was Siddarth's and he never had one. It was always their car and never Siddarth's. Now he felt the divide in his mind that was never imagined before.

"Take the car for yourself Varun. It is all yours. If not for this car, I would have driven out of this house few hours ago"

Varun did not understand. It took a lot of effort for him to gather each and every piece of events that was happening that night.

[TO BE CONTINUED...]

United they fall, Divided they stand

2009-02-05T11:27:00.001-07:00

At the dinner table, the family always had a silent supper. Unusually, that night their father had initiated a conversation about his brother's son.

"Your uncle had called this evening. Your cousin, Vinay, has married a white woman in the US. He had called his dad this morning and told him about his wedding."

The family was shocked, but they continued to munch on their food. Their dad was always the first to talk at all times and the last to end the conversation too.

Siddarth looked up to see his brother's reaction. Varun continued to eat not looking at anyone.

"He has been there for over 4 years and he must have liked someone there." their mother was the only one who could fill the void.

"So what? 4 years does not make you an American. You still belong to this family and he should have married the girl his parents find.

Silence fell upon the table again. This time, the cling clang of the utensils filled the usual silence.

"He is grown up now and can fend for himself. So is there a mistake in choosing his life partner?" Varun asked drawing figures on his empty plate and his eyes tracing those figures.

Siddarth looked up at Varun. He did not expect Varun to speak up.

His mother quickly served him more roti and sabji as if to protect him from the impending wrath.

"Ability to fend and feed yourself does not make you an alien. We still need to respect our family values." His father replied. He did not lose his composure.

"How long can we go on like this? Doing what parents want. Grow old and impose the same on the next generation." Varun replied with a smile.

Siddarth looked up at Varun again. This time Varun looked at Siddarth. They shared blank expressions not knowing that those were the last blank expressions that they would share in a long time.

"What your cousin Vinay did was unforgivable. My brother is shattered and it has hurt the whole family. That was a very irresponsible act."

"Are they not going to accept the wedding? He is married already. So why feel bad about it and hurt the whole family?" their mother interrupted.

"I can't believe that it is you who is asking such a question." their father threw daggers with his look.

Siddarth lifted his plate and walked to the kitchen not acknowledging any of it. Varun's eyes followed his brother to the kitchen. That night was going to be different for him. He was going to tell Siddarth everything.

The conversation ended abruptly that night. Nobody knew how this abrupt conversation could change their lives in the days to come.

Varun knocked at Siddarth's door. There was no response. Varun opened the door slowly. Siddarth was at the balcony and was on the phone. He closed the door behind, sat on the bed and switched on the television. Siddarth hung up on the call and walked into the room. He sat on the bean bag and looked at Varun who was in a contemplative mood.

"Didn't expect you to talk back at dad. I thought he would lose his cool and we would have a tornado." Siddarth chuckled.

"I'm in love with someone since my first year at college. We are still going steady" Varun said watching the television.

Siddarth did not react for a while. Varun switched off the television. He saw his face on the TV screen mounted on the wall and beside him he saw his brother staring at him.

"I was waiting for your wedding so I could then tell you all about my wish to marry a girl of my choice"

"But…"

"But now, looking at dad's reaction, I am worried"

"I…"

"You are my only hope in this family Siddarth. I'm not as close with mom as you are. I want you to help me"

Siddarth was silent. The night was getting colder and darker as if to indicate the arrival of darkness in that house.

Siddarth stood up and walked to the balcony. He stared at the empty sky. Millions things were running around his head while his brother's thought simply crawled in. Varun stood beside him facing the chilly evening. They shared few moments of silence as if it was all orchestrated.

"I need some time before I talk to mom" Siddarth broke the silence.

"Sure. Take your time. But I just want to make sure that I don't get you into trouble. I will even wait for your wedding to be over before I bring up this conversation. I was quite disturbed after the dinner and that is why I decided to share this with you. I should have told you before…"

Siddarth did not respond.

"Won't you ask me anything? About her. About how I met her? Won't you?" Varun asked. His face brightened and there was excitement in his tone.

"We still have time Varun. We will talk about it" Siddarth said. Varun felt cold. It wasn't the winter. It was the words from his brother. It wasn't the Siddarth he had known.

"Maybe I should go sleep" Varun said and walked towards the door.

"I'm sorry Varun" Siddarth whispered and saw his brother step out of the door.

One week later.

Varun was getting ready to go out with his friends. His girlfriend, Megha, was also joining them. As he walked down the stairs he heard his dad screaming. His heart skipped a beat. Siddarth must have broken the news to his parents. His heart raced. He wanted to run back to his room, latch it and never walk out in his lifetime. He thought time stood still, but it was his legs.

"Calm down. We shall talk about it. Please do not let your pressure get to you." He heard his mother plead.

"How can he do this to me and our family? Just a week ago we were talking about Vinay and now look what has happened"

Varun felt jittery. He did not want to walk down and face his father or his wrath. He reluctantly took a step further down the stairs. The family was still not visible to him at the dining hall.

"There is no place for him in this house. Ask him to go out" he heard his dad scream. Varun took a step further. He heard his mother breakdown. "What is Siddarth doing?" Varun's mind raced along with his heart.

He took a step further and he saw his dad's legs. He was frantically walking up and down. He saw his mother's hand wiping her eyes. He knew he had to face it. He walked down like a cat. He stood at the last step and looked at his parents waiting to take all the daggers. He felt naked and vulnerable.

"Dad. Mom" he mustered the courage to confront them. He thought of Meghna. He wanted her in his life and he had to do it.

"I'm sorry" he blurted as if those would suppress all the bursting emotions.

"Ah! So you knew it too" the first dagger came from his dad. His mother looked up with swollen eyes. His head went dizzy. Siddarth was not around. It took only a few moments to understand what was happening. He rushed into the living room. He saw Siddarth standing beside the couch and on the couch was a woman.

"What the hell is going on here?" Varun asked. Tears that were brimming in his eyes were not ready to escape until he had an explanation for what was going on in that house.

"Varun. This is Mansi." Siddarth said looking at his brother.

Varun looked at Mansi. She did not look up. He waited for Siddarth to continue.

"We just got married" Siddarth said. He looked into Varun's eyes to look at himself, a brother who has betrayed.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

L.

2008-11-09T12:10:00.005-07:00

Under the psychedelic disco lights and the laser beams, they danced like nobody was watching. “Saturday night fever”, they had called the event. “Celebrating a new car”, Siddarth had called it. He had taken Mansi out for a drink that night to let her know that she was the reason why he had bought a new car. She was as pleased when she usually was every time Siddarth reaffirmed his faith in her.

“It is not because of me. It is because you deserved a new car. It is because you worked hard to get this.” Mansi told him as they were driving in the new car.

“I bought a new apartment 3 months ago and furnished it like a dream. I got a promotion. Now a new car. All these happened after you came into my life 6 months ago” he said as if he hadn’t heard what she had just spoken. Happiness cannot be concealed. He just had to fly a few clouds above cloud nine.

She looked at him and the happiness on his face. She knew he would do anything for her. She closed her eyes. It wasn’t the alcohol. It was reminiscence.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

“Is this yours?” Siddarth asked as he picked an envelop from the ground.

Mansi looked up to see him. The sunlight blinded her eyes and she curved her palm and raised it above her forehead as if an old lady trying to look at something at a distance. She was dressed in black and her face looked pale. She was sitting beside a tombstone and on it was a bunch of fresh red roses.

“Yes, it is mine.” she said and took the envelope from him. Her hands were trembling. She looked like she hadn’t cried in a long time.

“I’m sorry. It must hurt to have lost someone special” he said as if to console.

She remained silent.

“You know, sometimes it helps to talk to strangers. You could cry aloud and let the pain go away” he said.

She looked up again. She wasn’t hiding her eyes from the glare.

“Who are you? Dr. Phil?” she asked tucking the envelope into her bag.

Siddarth smiled and said, “Yes, I could be if you want me to be.”

“Really? How about being invisible? Can you do that for me now?” she snapped.

“Sure. Will leave you two alone” he said and moved a step backward from her with his hands in his pant pockets. He was withdrawing.

“I can already see signs of your invisibility. Thank you!” Mansi said and pulled out a camera from her bag. She began clicking pictures of the cemetery.

Siddarth realized that she was there, not to mourn, but to take photographs. He was embarrassed and began to walk back to the entrance. He noticed a signboard that read ‘Photography Prohibited’. He pulled that board from the ground, carried it to where she was and placed it before her.

She looked up.

“I’m sorry I don’t read English” she said and continued clicking pictures. Instantly she moved the camera towards him and clicked his picture.

Two days later the picture was published in the supplementary of a local newspaper. A man beside a ‘Photography Prohibited’ board and behind him was a silent cemetery. The evening sunlight threw a vibrant aura around him. Mansi left a question beneath the photograph – “Why are photographs prohibited in cemeteries?” Siddarth spluttered on his coffee when he saw his photograph in the local newspaper. He came to know her name. Later he came to know her. That was how their story started. Six months ago. At the cemetery. An unusual place to start a love story.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

She switched on the lights and placed the door keys on the writing table beside the couch. He sank into that familiar couch at her place. They had made love on that several times and that was his favourite place in her house. A place where he was served food, where the television remote was accessible, and where they had made love. His comfort zone.

“Some black tea?” she asked as if anticipating his hangover the next day when he woke up beside her.

“Black coffee instead” he said switching on the television.

As they were making love that night Mansi couldn’t help but keep her eyes closed. She couldn’t look at him or his eyes. If he saw her eyes he would know she was lying. As the night grew darker she walked over to the window and stood beside it. She turned around and saw Siddarth. She saw her shadow on him. He slept like a child, almost smiling. A beautiful girl friend, high paid job, a sophisticated apartment, a car, and other luxuries in life. He had everything. Did she have everything that she wanted? She turned away and looked outside the window. The flyover that spanned beside the apartment was deserted. She had a sudden urge to walk down that lonely bridge. Maybe it will help her get answers to questions that she never had. Maybe it will lead to him. Ayan.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

One month ago.

Mansi waited outside the elevator. She was in a hurry as Siddarth had been waiting for her at the roof-top restaurant for over an hour and she was late from work. She frantically kept pressing the elevator button. Her mobile rang and she quickly took the mobile. No surprises, as expected, it was Siddarth’s call. She let it ring. The elevator doors opened and she put the mobile back in her bag. She pressed the button and looked at herself on the mirrored elevator doors that closed in front of her. Her hair was fine. Her lipstick wasn’t too much. She finally noticed that there was someone behind her and smiling at her you-better-look-good gimmicks. Her eyes widened and she gave an oh-my-god look at him. Ayan. Her childhood friend. Childhood sweetheart.

The elevator doors opened and Mansi stepped out of the empty elevator and walked over to Siddarth’s table.

“I’m sure you would want to push me out of the terrace” she said as she sat down and held his hand in comfort.

“Nah! I’ve been dousing myself with some spirits and they call it alcohol. Lack of women company, one can trust in alcohol” he laughed at his own statement.

“How typical! But thanks for not being mad” she said. He had never seen Mansi this happy. He just wanted to carry her home and shower her in all his love and luxury.

Her mobile beeped and she pressed ‘Read’ to view Ayan’s message.

“Coffee and Conversations coffee pub. 7 p.m. tomorrow”

She quickly responded - ‘ok!’.

“I met my childhood friend after almost 10 years. The last we saw was when he was shifting his house as he was also my neighbour ever since we were kids” she told Siddarth.

“I’m meeting him tomorrow for coffee” she said.

“Am I not invited?” he asked.

“Sure you can join.” She said.

“Maybe some other time.” he said, not knowing that he never will have that other time.

She wondered why Siddarth never said that every time they made love – ‘maybe some other time’.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

“Where were you all these years?” she asked.

“Far away. With no job for a while. I did some odd jobs. Managed to run a life. Then I studied further not knowing when to stop. Then finally I got a job as a business analyst with a meager pay. I’m here on business” he said monotonously.

She saw the stubble on his face and the crease on his shirt. He wasn’t a happy man. She couldn’t help but imagine Siddarth sitting in Ayan’s place. He would have been smiling a lot. Clean shaven looks and neatly pressed Louis Philippe shirt. Her imagination dissolved with the sugar that she added to her mocha. She stirred it and kept looking at the circling froth on the mug. Maybe his life was as disturbed.

Ayan ran his eyes all over her body. He was amazed at how she had bloomed into a beautiful woman from just being a girl next door. His imagination ran wild as he wondered how she would be in bed. He was reminded of the night when they had climbed down the sunshade at her house and they had sat on the edge for hours facing the busy road. They had held each other’s hands all the while. That was the closest he had got to her when they grew up together as neighbours. Now she was there before him as a woman who showed signs of sophistication and money. He wanted her. For her beauty. For her money. For his own life.

She snapped out of her daze and looked up at him and caught his eyes hovering over her. His looks stung her and surprisingly she enjoyed it. She let his eyes play around and he continued doing it more. He threw back a naughty smile and she sipped her coffee mug provocatively.

“You have bloomed to be a stunner.” he said.

“You have grown to be naughty.” She said.

“So… are you single?” he asked.

“Well… if you want me to be!” she said.

They had just resumed their flirting game which they had forgotten way back in school.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

Two months later.

Siddarth was reading a blog on his laptop while Mansi was cooking dinner for him in his apartment.

“Is it is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time?” he asked.

There wasn’t any response from the kitchen.

“Someone has blogged stating it is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time. I find it strange. Responses to that post have been more interesting. Half of the respondents think it is possible”

She walked out of the kitchen with dishes in her hands.

“Maybe” she said as she placed it beside his laptop.

He didn’t look at her while she saw the reflection of the laptop screen on his glasses. His eyes were still curiously reading the responses. She walked back into the kitchen.

“This is interesting” he said and closed the laptop getting ready for a scrumptious dinner. She always cooked for him with great care and laid out the spread with all her love. As she placed each dish on the table her mind raced to Ayan. Will he love the food that she cooks? Will they play a game of love while eating on the same plate? She was meeting Ayan the next day. Will she offer to cook for him? Will she offer herself to him? She dropped a plate and Siddarth saw the broken pieces of the ceramic on the floor. She looked at him. He had bought that in Shanghai during one of his business visits. He helped her pick those pieces and noticed that her hands were trembling.

“Are you ok?” he dropped the pieces on the floor and held her.

“I’m sorry, I broke you favourite plate.” She said as she continued picking the pieces.

“No worries. I could buy them again” he smiled and lifted her face to look at her squirming eyes.

He didn’t notice the fear. He kissed her on her forehead and walked back to remove the laptop from the table.

She was silent all through the course of their dinner. Siddarth enjoyed the food not noticing the change in her.

He was driving her back home and having not able to decipher her silence any further, “I’m very bad at reading minds. If I have done something wrong, please tell me and I will work on it right away”, he said.

She looked at him and smiled. “You haven’t done anything. Just been a long day” she lied. Ayan was making love to her on her head. She was dying to meet him. She wanted to run back to the house that she lived 10 years ago. She wanted to savor the smells of her mohter’s kitchen. She wanted to hold Ayan’s hand and sit at the sunshade. She wanted to snap out of her current life and deport herself into the impossible yet desirable past.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

“Guess what?” I got my visa stamped. I’m leaving to Australia in a week. Long assignment and I’m absolutely thrilled” Ayan said and she noticed his clean shaven face and the happiness that was clinging to it. She was angry. She was building a castle on her mind and singing silent songs in the air. Australia might just take it all away.

“I’m seeing someone” she confessed to Ayan. She let it out in a fury as if to get back on his decision to leave all of a sudden.

“That is nice. Recent?”

“Six months”

“Oh! Then you said…” he stopped. He hid his excitement. “She is confused and could easily be mine” his mind read.

She did not respond and kept meddling with the watch that Siddarth had bought her. But her thoughts were not around Siddarth. It was around Ayan. And Australia.

“Do you remember the time when…” Ayan began to recollect all those memories. One by one. As if to unwrap a dusted package after ages. Her eyes bloomed as if they were facing the sunshine after a long time and her ears kept listening to his animated recollection of their childhood days. She let him talk. She let him hold her hand. She let him ruffle her hair. She let him take her to his hotel. She melted like a candle as if he were the flame. She loved him with her heart and soul and every time they made love that night her mind raced back to all the good times they had shared and how she had always wanted to be his sweetheart. Every time they had sex, his mind read, “And I finally did it!”.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

Mansi couldn’t concentrate on work all day. She was in love all over again. With someone else. She felt different. She thought that was love. Maybe she was just sharing a good bond with Siddarth. Maybe she was in love with Ayan. Her mind gave her new versions of the same story every other minute. She was happy. She was sad. She was paranoid.

As Mansi was falling out of love and falling in love again, Ayan was busy getting ready for his onsite travel. She knew she had to talk about it to Siddarth soon. She wasn’t ready to see his heartbroken face which might look like the broken ceramic plate. He let her break his favourite plate, but not his heart.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

Siddarth hadn’t called her in two days. Mansi had tried reaching him on his mobile and he did not answer her calls. That evening she had stopped by his apartment and it was locked. She was worried. Maybe he knew about me and Ayan. Or maybe Ayan and Siddarth knew each other already. Her mind built a cob web around her head and she saw herself entangled in it. Standing outside his apartment she dialed his office number. He had instructed her not to call him on that number unless it was an emergency. She declared state of emergency and called him before she had a nervous breakdown. “I will call you back” he had answered the call and hung up immediately.

She walked down the stairs and her head went dizzy and she walked slowly as if the world had put everyone on a slow motion. Her mobile rang again and it was Ayan.

“Want to meet tonight at my hotel?”

The last she remembered was she had nodded her head and two hours later Ayan and Mansi were at his hotel drinking. She didn’t want to get off his arms that were wrapped around her for the fear that Siddarth might spot her soon and kill her and Ayan would be gone before she could turn back for help. For love.

They made love all night. Ayan hadn’t spoken to her much that night. She noticed the half-packed suitcases around. He will be gone in two days. When she woke up that morning she didn’t know that the course of the day will forever change her course of life. Her head felt heavy. Not her heart. She had coffee ordered in the room. She sat in the balcony sipping her coffee looking into the sea. A mediocre hotel built beside the ocean. The balcony was dusty and the chairs were rusted. She looked inside the room and on the bed was Ayan sprawled like an animal. What will happen when he is gone? Should I confess to Siddarth? What if he already knew? What if he didn’t? Should I still talk to him about it and let him decide about my life. Or his life. Or our life. She emptied the coffee and walked into the room to wake up Ayan. On second thoughts she picked her bag and left.

“Mansi, I need to meet you. Lunch?” Siddarth had called that morning when she was at work. He had never asked her out for lunch on a weekday.

“I need to tell you something. You have all the rights to react the way you want to” she said before he could start a conversation. She had spent all her time on her way to the restaurant thinking about how to start the conversation. Finally she did start it, the way she didn’t want to. Siddarth’s face was drained already. Maybe he was stressed out of excess work.

“I need to tell you something too” he said.

“I met Ayan for couple of times” she said and paused as if Siddarth had pressed a virtual pause button to avoid the impeding disastrous confession from her.

He was waiting for her to continue. He did not expect what was coming next.

“Maybe I was confused. I thought…” she stammered.

“Maybe I was in love with two people at the same time” she did not have the courage to look at Siddarth after having uttered those words.

Siddarth dropped the fork on his plate and reclined back to his chair and folded his arms.

“He is leaving to Australia in two days and might not come back for a very long time.” She told him as if it would serve as a consolation.

“You slept with him?” Siddarth’s question came like a poison-dipped dagger.

She wanted to break like the ceramic plate and get away with it once and for all.

She was silent.

“I lost my job. They gave me a pink slip. Economic slowdown they called it. I still don’t understand. I thought I should talk to you and get some steam out of my head. The company has taken my car too. I came in an autorick.” He said like he knew the reason for all those that had happened to him in those three days.

She looked up at him apologetically. She wanted to get up and hug him and comfort him.

“Now I know why I lost them all, or maybe still losing. I lost you to someone behind my back. While I was busy trying to save my job and life you were with someone else”

“Now don’t blame me for your lost job and car” Mansi finally broke down.

Siddarth did not reply. He just stared back at her with folded hands to confirm that she was the reason that he had lost everything.

“You decided to leave me and my life decided to leave me too.” He said with no emotions in his tone.

“I have always been a lucky charm in your life, haven’t I? Have you ever been in love with me? Why did I have to fall in love with someone else when I had you around?” she threw back the daggers at him.

He was feeling weak. Maybe he wanted her only for the luck in his life and not the love that she is looking for.

“Haven’t you enjoyed it all? The luxury, the attention and all the caring?”

“Yeah right! All that for saving the lucky charm. If I’m gone your luxuries are gone”

“Other way too. If my luxuries are gone, you will be gone too right? Why did you stick to me even if you had thoughts that you were just a lucky charm?”

He was silent after throwing his final dagger at her. In a few seconds he saw her storm through the door while he sat there perplexed of what to do next.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

Mansi went back to the hotel in rage. He stood outside Ayan’s room. She did not know if she had to knock the door and get into the room. Ask for space in his life. Or go back and live a life with Siddarth and mend him to come back to life.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

She sat at the promenade by the beach. Shimmering evening lights adorned the city and the view was spectacular. Mansi and Siddarth used to sit at the same spot talking about everything under the moon. He used to sing loudly and embarrass her before everyone taking their evening stroll. She wanted to cry but she thought it would pacify her anger. She wanted to bounce back in rage. She had wanted to kill Ayan at the hotel. If she had the power to.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

Two hours ago at the hotel.

Mansi finally decided to knock the door. A woman opened the door. Mansi checked the door number again.

“I’m sorry, I guess I knocked the wrong room” Mansi said and as she was about to turn around she noticed his half-packed suitcase. Beside it was another huge suitcase which she hadn’t seen the previous night and that morning.

The woman was about to close the door.

“Ayan?” Mansi asked.

“Yes. He is in the shower. Please come in” the woman let Mansi inside.

“Mansi walked in and sat on the couch beside the bed. Her eyes ran all over the room to check if it was still the same or if she was dreaming. She looked at the bed. She woke up on that bed that morning. The creases on the quilt were still the same. Her coffee cup was still outside on the balcony. She now looked at the lady seated beside her. The sound of water splashing against the door and on the floor deafened her ears. Her head went dizzy.

“Are you Ayan’s friend?” the woman asked Mansi.

Mansi looked intently at that woman without answering. She was a fat woman with a pleasing face. A face that would never show anger. Mansi looked at herself on the mirror. She looked ugly that moment. There were a million emotions on her face.

“Who are you?” Mansi asked with authority.

“I’m Ayan’s wife, Meera” she said with a smile. There was so much happiness on her face when she had uttered that.

“And you are…?” his wife asked.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I have to leave.” Mansi said and stood up. She looked at the empty coffee cup once again as if it was a ritual to stare into the emptiness before the closure.

“What should I tell him when he is out of his shower?” Meera asked.

Mansi stood at the door and looked back at Meera.

“Tell him that he is a bastard” she said and walked away.

`*`*``*`*` ~ *`*``*`*`

Ayan’s stubble had pricked her face and she felt the pores hurt. She was reminded of Siddarth’s face that afternoon at the lunch table. He had not shaved in two days. He had stubble and that was unusual of him. Her eyes were moist. She wanted to be with Siddarth. She felt dirty. She thought he was her cleanser. Maybe one day he will walk back into her life or she will walk into his.

Siddarth wanted luck from his love. Mansi wanted pure love. Ayan had his way with lust. Three different people. One string. Different versions.

L.

Silly You! Silly Me!

2008-09-19T06:10:00.005-07:00

Feels like ages to be back on this blog after a self-imposed writer’s block. Limping back. Broken words. Sweeping them all together. Maybe a better one next time.

Thanks for hanging around all these while. Here is the story, where is your coffee?
-----------------------------------------------

Yawning. Contagious. Yes. It was. That is how we met. For the first time. That cold winter evening. On a train to the city.

5 minutes ago. I stood behind the yellow line as the train came to a sudden halt. As if to tease my life. As if an unexpected journey was to begin. To let people embark on a journey. With me. I climbed up to the top deck of the train. There were hardly any people. It was just me. She. He. They. Us. I sat beside the window and looked at my own reflection on it. My ear plugs were brighter than my eyes. I saw the station fading behind. Lonely souls scattered all over the station. Hugging themselves. Dark eyes. Music in ears. Forgotten smile. Cold winter. Lonely souls. Strewn all over.

“You are beautiful”. James Blunt sang into my ears. I didn’t like it. As I was about to press ‘Next’, I looked up to see you. Reflex. I let the song play. You were not beautiful. Your hair was brown. Chocolate brown. Streaked. Thick khol around your eyes. You looked evil. Red lipstick. Red. Dark red. No ear rings. Your nails were painted in black. You looked evil. Bitchy. I didn’t like you. You were not beautiful. James Blunt. Shut it!

You yawned. While I was looking at you. I yawned too. I didn’t realize. That you looked at me yawning. You smiled. Smile is contagious too. I smiled back. You looked out of the window. I wiped the smirk on my face and looked out of the window too. I saw the city approach. I turned around to see you. You were gone. I walked down to the door and saw you there. You were dancing to the tune on your ears. Your head. I stood behind you. You were a beautiful girl. But you were someone else with those colors on you. You were not yourself. Silly you!

The station arrived. You disappeared into the crowd. I walked towards the exit and shrugged off the image. Of you. Of the dark red lips. Of the sad eyes. I walked down to the city centre. Tall buildings. Cold evening. It felt lonely. I looked up at the sky scrappers. I felt small. Everyone looked tiny. More lonely souls walking around. It seems like the big city had less happy souls. I was worried I was beginning to be one. I walked further into the brightly lit roads. As if to run away from the darkness. Contrary. There were more dark souls around. Less of light. Dark clothes. Blame it on winter.

I sat on the steps. Behind me stood the Sydney opera house. I was bored. Cold. Hungry. Something familiar floated around. The smell of you. Strong. Disturbing. I turned around. You were there. Talking on your mobile. Something was wrong in the air. Your dark khol was getting darker. Did I see tears brimming in your eyes? Your hair fell over your face. Hid your tears. Shaded my mind. I sat there letting the chill air pinch my soul. I still remember your smile after that moment of sharing a yawn. I didn’t like it. The tears. The darkness around your eyes. The mystery around you.

You stood up. Walked down the steps. I sat there looking at you. You stood for a moment. Turned around. Looked at me. I yawned. As if to remind you. Of me. Of the train journey. The yawn. The smile. Now the tears. I stood up. You smiled. Instantly. As if recognizing a friend. After years of separation. Something felt light. It was me. I just wanted to get closer to you. Wipe those tears and take you in my hands. I felt weird. Maybe it was the mystery around you. Or maybe the darkness. Or maybe. Just the silly you!

You walked up the stairs to where I stood. Behind me stood the Opera house. The show was just about to begin. Just two characters. Silly you and silly me. You shook hands and introduced yourself. Mansi. I heard “Silly you”. I introduced myself. Still holding your cold hand. I heard my own voice. I said “Silly me”. You laughed. Much better. Than those tears. Coffee? You asked. I was surprised. I looked back quickly. To check if the Opera house had disappeared. It had not. My mind had. Silly me!

We walked down to the wharf. To a quaint little coffee place. You ordered for me. Choco mint. Never tried it. Didn’t realize. It was something to die for. As the mint left a tingle down my throat, I looked into your eyes. Searching for reasons. Those tears. The yawn. The smile. The coffee. You asked if I was single. I religiously nodded my head to confirm it. Single. Ready to mingle. Tingle. Choco mint.

Have you loved a woman so much that when she is gone you feel your life is dark and empty? yhe asked. I said yes and no. You smiled. Men are always indecisive. You said. I have loved a woman. Yes. Darkness and emptiness. No. Typical of men. You said. Not looking at me. I didn’t have to explain. Reason why I didn’t feel the darkness. The reason why she left me. Why she was bored with the relationship. Why she found someone else interesting. Why she fell for someone else while we were still together. My silence must have spoken. You smiled at me. Chill. Cheers! You said. We cheered with our empty coffee mugs.

Back home? I asked. The night has just begun, you said. Where next? I asked. Some Lebanese falafels? You asked. Yes, I nodded. We were at the station. Behind the yellow line. Was that for me? Or was it for you? The yellow line. Warning. Hey! You exclaimed. I would have fallen off the yellow line. Have you missed a train? you asked. Yes, I confirmed. Missed a train just for the heck of it? you asked. Hell no, I said. Let us do it now, you said. Silly you! I smiled. Only if you promise to run with me, I said. Where to, you asked. To the next station which was just two lanes and a few signals away. Are you crazy, you asked. Maybe, I said. We heard the train. No moment left to think. You held my hand. The next moment we were running. Frantically. We reached the first lane. The pedestrian signal blinked. Just on time. We rushed to the next lane. I was oblivious. Of everything around. Cars. People. Pets. I saw you. I could not hear anything. It was just your laughter. Red. The next pedestrian signal. Speeding cars. Racing mind. You pulled me again. This time I saw the speeding car. You still laughed. Maybe you were evil. Maybe you wanted to kill me. Before I could wipe off the image of you as a witch on a broom, we were at the next station. We rushed down the stairs to the subway. The train doors were just closing with a deafening beep. You hopped in. Still holding my hand. I felt the doors touch my hand. You had to let go. I stood there as the doors closed. You inside the train. Me outside. Beyond the yellow line. Silly you. Silly me. I saw the train fade into the dark tunnel. Saw the darkness in you fade into that tunnel.

I walked out of the station. It was cold again. I looked at the signal. Green. I stood there. Waiting. Missed you. For a brief moment. I shrugged it off. Walked down the lane. The shops were shutting down. Lights were switched off. I walked back. To the Opera house. Sat on the steps. In silence. I looked around. Maybe you were around too. You weren’t. Cold. Lonely. Hungry. I yawned. Reminded of you. Every time I yawn. Maybe. I will remember you. For a while. A stranger that night. Choco mint. Missed train. Flashing signals. Laughter. Red lipstick. Darkness. Yellow line. Silly you! Silly me!

the Schoolbag

2008-06-15T11:54:00.005-07:00

She sat beneath the banyan tree and beside her sat her tuition bag. Her eyes were hurt and she was angry. She kept looking at the open well few yards away. She imagined herself floating over the water the next day. Her appa*** will be angry with her for jumping into the well. Her thambi*** will miss her. Her amma*** will realize that she was after all a good girl. She pulled out her homework notebook which was neatly covered with newspaper that her amma had borrowed from the grocery stores. She looked at the handmade label. She and her brother had made it as soon as her appa had bought them their new books for that year. The label read – Kanmani. Vth Standard. She had wanted to write Kannu, just how her parents called her, instead she wrote Kanmani, the name her friends and teachers called her.

She tore a paper from the almost new notebook. She didn’t mind the torn edges that looked like rat-nibbled paper. She wanted to write her last letter to her parents before she made her way into the well early next morning. Her father had gone out of town and would be returning the next day. She would be gone by then. She addressed the letter to her appa and wrote how amma always scolded her for everything, how amma had always loved thambi and did not find time for her. She wrote about how much she had missed her appa when he was gone all the time, how she used to pretend to be studying late into the night, just because her dad would come home late. She wrote about how much she loved her thambi, how much she cared for him and how amma never used to understand that. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she poured out her frustrations.

Kannu folded the paper and safely pressed it inside the notebook along with a flower that she had picked near the tree. She tucked it inside the cloth bag and looked up at the sky. Darkness was engulfing the town and it was time for her to reach home, to savor her amma’s food for one last time. When her amma wakes up the next morning the door will be open. The kolam*** outside the house will be missing. Kannu will also be missing.

“Why did it take so long to get home?” her amma asked as she stepped into the house.

“I had to finish some additional homework today”

“Come and help me in the kitchen”

Their house was small with just 2 rooms, one living and the other kitchen. As she placed her bag beside her thambi’s bag, she saw him playing with his broken toys.

She had always dreamt of buying him new toys in a year or two. She knew she would be pulled out of school in a year and sent to work. As she walked into the kitchen she thought how her dream will never be realized. He might still have to play with broken toys.

“Tomorrow I am going to the temple early in the morning as it is Friday. So get up early with me and help me in the kitchen so that I can pack lunch for both of you and leave home. You take care of thambi and get him ready for school”, her amma said as she placed the rice pot over the earthen stove.

Kannu did not answer. She did not know how to execute her plan. She was still angry with her amma and she didn’t want to give up on her plan to give up on life.

“Are you listening?” her amma asked.

She nodded her head as she sat down with the onions. Kannu did not want to talk to her amma.

That night, the three of them sat outside the house on the thinnai*** and her amma fed her thambi telling him stories. Kannu ate her share of the rice and curry trying to follow her amma’s stories. She hardly remembered the time when she was her thambi’s age; six. She thought her amma would have told her tales as well and that she had grown up to be a big girl and have forgotten the past. She smiled at her thambi time and again and made faces so that he will laugh at her. Every mouthful of rice, her mind raced back to the letter tucked inside the notebook. “Will they search for my notebooks or should I leave it in a prominent place in the house?” her mind was still planning.

She readied the living room for the three of them to sleep beside a table fan that made creaking noises. The family was used to the noise all night. Her amma and thambi slept right beside the fan while she slept diagonally. She was used to it and she let it be because she loved seeing her thambi sleep so peacefully. She switched off the light and rested her head on the hard pillow. She did not close her eyes. She stared at the dark emptiness on the ceiling and her mind reeled back in time – what had happened few hours ago when she had come back from school.

“Where is thambi’s notebook and box?” her amma was frantically searching for them in thambi’s bag. Everyday Kannu carried both her bag and her thambi’s to and from school. That day her thambi had forgotten one of his notebooks and his pencil box and left them on the class desk.

“I don’t know amma. I just picked him from his classroom and we walked back home” there was fear in Kannu’s eyes when she answered her amma.

Her amma looked at thambi and he began to cry.

“I will run back to school and check” Kannu said as she headed towards the door.

“Wait! Who will go to the tuition? We are not wasting money on your carelessness. What if someone flicks the notebook and box?” her amma was clearly mad at Kannu.

“Now what do you want me to do? I didn’t know thambi had left it behind”

“Don’t talk back!” her amma was enraged. She held Kannu by her ear and stared into her petrified eyes.

Kannu was silent and looked back into her amma’s eyes. She wanted to push her away and run away from that house. Her eyes welled up and her amma’s grip on her ear loosened. She had a stinging pain run down her earlobe.

“You will not forget anything from school ever. You must check your belongings and that of thambi’s also before heading back home. Next time you leave something behind, I will not let you inside the house”

Kannu was angry. She thought it was a very harsh punishment that her amma will be imposing. She looked at her thambi as she picked her tuition bag. He was playing with his broken toys oblivious to the hurt in his sister’s eyes and heart. She was hurt and she wanted to teach her amma a lesson for always finding fault with her. Instead of walking into the tuition class, she sat beneath the banyan tree and wrote her last letter to her family.

As she closed her eyes there was a knock on the door and she opened her eyes with a startle. Her amma woke up from her sleep and switched on the light. Kannu squinted her eyes and looked at the man at the door. It was her appa and her happiness knew no bounds. She jumped at him in joy and broke down. He hugged her and pacified her. Her amma walked into the kitchen to heat the leftover food.

“I thought I will not see you” Kannu said as her eyes were still moist.

“Kannu, appa is here and you will see me quite often hereafter. Promise” he said and hugged her.

“I was harsh with her today” her amma said as she placed the plate on the floor.

“I’m sure Kannu would not have done anything” her appa said.

Kannu felt jubilant and looked at her amma as if to convey that she had appa to support her.

“She left behind thambi’s notebook and pencil box back in school. She might not understand that it is hard to buy another notebook and box this year”

It made sense to Kannu. She knew her parents worked hard to send them both to school.

“Kannu, amma is not angry with you. I just want you to be careful of our belongings. Just like your belongings you will always take care of thambi also” her amma said as she sat beside appa and placed a plate of diced ripe mangoes.

“Can I take one?” Kannu asked.

“Sure” her appa passed the plate to her.

Kannu was happy. Her anger was replaced with the sweetness of the mangoes. She wanted to tear off the letter right away, but she had to wait until morning to do it. She went to sleep with a smile and the fact that it was Friday the next day. She already thought about how to spend her weekend.

July 16. The day dawned with a million orange flares on the sky. It looked different, the dawn. Kannu and her thambi walked to school. Her dad had left home early that day and her amma had gone to the temple. As they walked down the dusty road, she told her thambi of how appa had come home the previous night and how she got a chance to taste the sweet mangoes that her amma had hid in the rice drum.

At her class, while the teacher had excused herself to go out for a while, Kannu opened her bag to pull out the letter and then realized that it was in her tuition notebook which was at home. Her heart began to beat faster. She imagined her amma open her tuition notebook and read the letter. She wanted to run back home to destroy the letter. She hurried to the classroom door to run out before the teacher was back. The door was locked from outside. Kannu knew something was unusual that day, that moment. She placed her ear on the door. The cries were getting louder. She stood there motionless and the cries were getting scarier. She looked down beneath the door. Black smoke engulfed her legs as if a spirit had just been set free out of a lamp. She turned back and saw the other students in her classroom. They were oblivious to what was happening outside and kept playing. In less than a minute the room was getting smokier and the kids were coughing and some were choking. Kannu began to hit the door faster. The place was beginning to feel warmer. Kannu realized that something outside the classroom was on fire. She quickly turned around and saw for other entrances to that classroom. She found a grilled gate that had a narrow passage to the ground floor.

She ran towards the gate and pushed it hard. She was sweating profusely and the kids were running frantically. The screams were deafening and Kannu did not want to give up. She wanted to live. As if to remember something, she quickly turned around and ran to her desk. She quickly put her pencil into her box and put everything else into her bag, swung it on her shoulder and ran to the gate. Some more kids joined in jostling the door open. Luckily the door opened and the kids ran down the narrow passage which was already engulfed in fire and black smoke. Kannu did not stop to look back at the kids who were already caught in the hungry fire’s mouth. She ran to the 1st standard classroom to pick her brother. The class was empty and her mind went blank. She did not know if they had a class elsewhere. She couldn’t think. She quickly ran down into open air outside the school. The thatched roofs were on fire all over the school and she looked up. The 11’oclock sun blinded her eyes. Amidst all the mayhem she spotted her thambi who was standing along with his other classmates and wailing. As soon as he saw Kannu, he ran to her and hid his face in her hug.

“Where is your bag?” she asked him.

He did not reply out of shock.

“Let me go get it” she said and pushed him away from her. She gave her bag to him. He began to cry even louder and pleaded her not to go.

“I will come back” she said and ran inside the school. Nobody noticed her as there were lot more kids who needed attention. Fire brigade men came out carrying kids who were half burnt. Some were burnt beyond recognition.

A kilometer away from the school, Kannu’s amma walked out of the house. Her eyes were moist. She had read the letter that Kannu had left in her notebook. She wanted to let Kannu know how much she meant to her and that she had always been rude to her so that she understands the responsibility as a girl child. As she looked up she saw smoke engulfing the bright and windy day. She knew something was wrong. It wasn’t too late for her to smell death.

She ran towards the school and stood there not reacting to the fire that gallantly swallowed the school. She looked around. Every kid looked like her son and daughter. She moved inch-by-inch fearing that someone would be carrying her kids like charred material. Her head went dizzy and she stood at a place not moving any further.

“Ammmmaaaa!” she heard her son scream somewhere. Amidst all the chaos and mayhem, her son’s voice felt like cold drizzle on a sweltering mid day. He dropped the bag and ran to his amma and hugged her. She wailed and the sound of her own cries deafened her.

“Where is Kannu?” she asked as he buried himself in her.

He did not look at the school. His little index finger showed the direction of the school.

She stood up and saw the school building. The fire was put out and the whole building looked like an ugly man smoking like a chimney pipe. The school was painted in black, as if to have engulfed death on itself. She dreaded walking in. She made her way into the school in spite of people stopping her at the gate. In search of Kannu. Her daughter who misunderstood her love. She covered her nose with her saree as she walked in. Bodies were strewn all over. Kids aged eight to ten years lay there like burnt roses. She stepped one body over the other in search of her daughter. She kept telling herself that her daughter was waiting outside for her to come back after this ordeal. She walked into Kannu’s classroom and did not find her there. She did not recognize few faces but her heart knew she was not there.

She walked down the same narrow passage where Kannu had earlier run along with the other kids. As she decided to step out of the school again, she was reminded of the bag that thambi had while he saw him outside. It was Kannu’s. She quickly ran towards thambi’s classroom, beating her hands over her chest. She knew Kannu was there. She wanted her to be alive. She stepped into his classroom and looked around. There was only one body among the charred tables. Kannu. Beside her were traces of the burnt and tattered bag of thambi’s.

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*** Amma (mother), appa (father), thambi (younger brother), kolam (dotted ranagoli generally drawn outside the house using rice powder), thinnai (raised platform outside the house, generally beside the steps or either side of the steps)

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Disclaimer: The germ of this story was instilled on my mind 4 years ago when I saw the live footage and pictures of the Kumbakonam Fire tragedy on July 16, 2004. I froze watching the footage. Although the story is based on the tragedy, the characters are purely fictional.

This story is for those kids who perished for no fault of theirs. God bless their families who might still be reeling under the loss of their loved ones.

------------------------------*------------------------------

More on the tragedy: Eighty-three children aged between eight and ten years were on Friday charred to death, 20 of them beyond recognition, while over 27 others received serious burns when a major fire raged through their school in this town of Tamil Nadu's Thanjavur district.

The dead included 28 boys, 38 girls and the bodies of others were charred beyond recognition....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/3900631.stm
http://in.rediff.com/news/2004/jul/16tn.htm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/3899971.stm
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/18/international/asia/18INDI.html?ex=1247803200&en=fd0d8ce20b93a7e8&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-07/17/content_349354.htm

the Silent Affair

2008-04-29T10:21:00.005-07:00

Hi there! It must have been a writer’s block. I would probably blame it on work. I finally managed to write something random. This story - same flavor but different packaging. Promise to write something better soon. Limping back to life after an unknown hiatus. Thanks for hanging around and for all your comments on the previous post.

Coffee and Stories community on orkut is close to 449 members and has been going up and down on the same number. 500 would definitely be a milestone and maybe we should go ahead and have a virtual party ;) Thanks for everything!

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2 AM. After the sudden spell of rain, the tarmac was filled with puddles of water. The reflection of the flood lights on the water made the floor look like gold was strewn all over. It was still drizzling and the ripples on the puddles caught his attention. Siddarth looked intently at the ripples letting his memories reel behind in time. Something weighed him down and an unknown worry engulfed his eyes.

Meera. Siddarth had seen her for the first time at work when she had walked past his work station. It was just a striking moment. A moment he never realized could get intense over time. A moment he never knew will steal away everything from him, including his shadow. He hardly noticed her the first time. He hardly felt her presence the next time. He never looked out for her. Destiny be it, they always crossed their paths at work. It was just not quick moments of walking past each other, it was those frenzy moments of stealing each other’s glances. As if they were in a hurry to know each other. As if they searched for each other.

Siddarth never looked out for Meera. His friends did. Every time they were at the cafeteria, and when she walked in, hoots and teases were aplenty amongst his circle of friends. They knew something was fishy. He never knew anything about it. He hardly paid attention. It just had to take time. For him to realize that she did look at him all the while. Those eyes that were embellished with a thin line of khol, that darkened the edges of his soul few months down the lane.

One day, he lugged around with his laptop bag and waited for the elevator. He kept looking at the numbers above the elevator doors. Fresh smell of a woman swept through him. He did not turn around to see who it was. His mind was just pregnant with work and the next day’s report. He got into the elevator and leaned over the corner. He saw the doors close and on the reflective doors he saw Meera standing before him. She was dressed in a casual jeans and a top and wrapped herself in a dupatta. His eyes lit up as if his vision was connected to a switch in his heart. It just glowed instantly and all the fatigue on his face just ran down the elevator. She looked at him through the reflective door. They did not smile at each other. The words “Hi there!” was stuck down his throat. His throat threw an attitude on him and never let those words out. He looked at the numbers. They were reaching ground floor and the words were never reaching anywhere. Ting! The doors opened and she was still looking at him. She stepped out and never looked back. He stood there not knowing what to do next. A guy got into the elevator and Siddarth said, “Hi there!” much to the amusement of the guy. He escaped out of the elevator just as it was closing again. She was gone by then. Few minutes that he missed talking to her. He didn’t realize that those were the best minutes that provoked the curiosity to know this girl. Some girl. He wanted to be that some guy.

“Maybe you should just go talk to her” Ayan said.

“Or I could talk to her for you. She definitely seems to be interested in you” Megha said.

“Hmmm… I just think you guys are exaggerating. There is absolutely nothing and I don’t want to delve seriously into this. Not a good sign”

Just then Meera walked into the cafeteria with her friends. She sat across his friends as if to face him with her cup of coffee. She stirred her coffee and Siddarth took quick glances of her as and when she looked down to stir her coffee. She took quick glances of him as and when he stirred his coffee. Amidst all this drama, his friends noticed every bit of it and they started hooting as usual. Siddarth was embarrassed and never looked up at her for the rest of their time at the cafeteria.

As days passed by, he began to miss seeing her over the weekends. He wished he worked 24x7 just to see her. From a distance. In silence.

Siddarth was soaring high into the sky in his flight. He looked down at the sleepy city. It was half lit and still beautiful. He would miss his city for a long time. He would miss the dream while he flies with his reality….. he reclined and closed his eyes.

“Maybe it is her smile. Or maybe it is just the aroma that sweeps me by my feet when she walks across. She sprinkles her charm so effortlessly. I just wish everything happened in a slow motion so that I could live that moment very very slowly. Something like the movie Click, where you could just pause your life and live the moment or even freeze it. Damn!”

“Bro! Are you on dope?” Ayan asked.

“Yea, high on her. Meera. Isn’t it such a beautiful name? Damn! I like her name a lot”

“You need coffee. Lets go” Megha said.

“Maybe I just need her. A grande mug of her that would never cease to quench my craving for coffee”

“Now I realize you definitely need some sleep” Megha said.

Later that evening, Siddarth walked to the coffee vending machine for his usual 6 PM coffee. He picked the empty cup and waited for his turn to use the machine. It took a moment for him to snap out of his daze and realize that Meera was standing next to him taking her cup of coffee. The aroma of fresh coffee dazed him again and he stood there motionless. She leaned on the wall and stirred her coffee. He noticed how beautifully she stirred it. He caught quick glances of her. Like snapshots. Her dangling ear ring. Her anklet only on the left leg. Her thin bracelet that loosely hung around her hand. Her painted nails. Her quirky smile as she was about to step out.

“Hey!” he said. He did not know where that came from.

She paused and looked around and then at him with a surprise in her eyes.

He was silent and did not know what to speak. It was as if ‘Hi’ was the only word he had ever known in his lifetime. She was silent too but her silence had a meaning. A language of it its own. Her silence was as if to ask why he had stopped her. His silence had no language. It was plain stupid.

“Sugar?” he asked. He had no clue where that came from too. He wished he had sealed his mouth so tightly that even a kiss wouldn’t help recover.

“Oh! Yea, I forgot. Thanks” she lied and walked close to him to pick sugar from the jar. He leaned towards the jar and he felt her very close to him. He almost dropped his cup, but the moment kept him intact if not insane. She added two spoons of sugar and looked up at him. He smiled and said, “Hi there!”. His throat had finally given up.

“Hi!” she said and walked out not giving him a chance to continue the conversation beyond that. He stood there hoping there was part two of that brief act. After few seconds he realized that there was just one part of the act and that she would not come back to complete it.

Every other day he battled against himself. He felt her silence and his battle distract his days at work. He was not getting anywhere. Anywhere to her. Anywhere to a future with her. He had reservations. He also had apprehensions. Yet, he knew he had something for her. Feelings. If that is what one might call. He didn’t name it. He just lived it.

A week later, he was at a juncture in his life where he definitely wanted to talk to Meera. He mustered all his courage for that day of opening up his feelings for her. He did not practice the act the previous day. He did not ask for opinion from friends. He did not think of the big day. He just knew it could be his last chance to talk to her.

He walked to the cafeteria at 11 AM. He knew that she would come to the cafeteria at that hour with her friends. As expected, she walked in with a lot of cheer around her. Silence fell upon the place once she saw him. She knew something was unusual and that it might be the day.

“Meera, I need to talk to you for a moment” he said in a confident tone. She looked up in surprise. She did not respond. Her friends picked their coffees and walked out leaving them behind beside fresh coffee beans and the aroma of coffee.

“Break the silence. I need to talk to you today. I want to pour out what is on my mind. I want to let you know that I’m not yet another guy on the streets trying to hit on a pretty girl like you”

She pressed the coffee button and waited for her cup to fill. She did not react to his words although her ears were hungry for more words from him.

“Can we sit and talk for a while?” he asked.

She slowly walked to the door.

“Please don’t go away again. I have taken your silence as the language between us, but now I need to break it. I don’t understand this language. Give me a chance to explain” his voice mellowed and his eyes softened.

She stood by the door not looking behind.

“Just few minutes…” he pleaded.

She walked out of the door. She was to leave India for a month-long project at the client’s location. He knew that was his last chance. He knew he had to break the silence. What he didn’t know was that the silence was eternal. His anthem. Their religion.

Two weeks later.

Siddarth looked down the glittering serial lights hanging from the terrace to the ground. Tiny blue and white lights all over. It looked like the stars had glided down a string and wrapped the house in a lot of glitz. It was 2 AM and everyone at his house was sleeping after a big day of partying and dancing. Siddarth was on the terrace trying to swallow the reality. It was a silent night, with not even the sounds of crickets. His house was brightly lit in that dark night and his mind was darkened. He saw the platinum ring on his hand. It glistened in the lights beyond the darkness. His engagement ring.

“You never gave me a chance to speak my mind. To let you know that I was going to be engaged to a stranger. That I will be taken. That it might be too late to realize. But you are gone. When you are back I would hurt myself more than ever” Siddarth’s mind raced with thoughts. He missed Meera. He wanted to go back in time, hold her by her hands at the coffee place and instill his dream on her. She was his dream.

The day arrived when Meera was getting back to work. Siddarth had forgotten her arrival date. All he knew was things were going to be different. He might still look at her as a desire in his life, but reality was always irking his everyday life. Later that day he was walking towards the cafeteria and saw Meera with her friends. They were all rejoicing her come back and she looked hip. She must have had a makeover. She looked up at him from a distance. He stole her glance but didn’t return it back. He turned around and walked away. His friends understood and let him walk away. They thought that would do him good - to avoid her.

From that day, every chance he had to walk across Meera at work, he managed to evade their moment of glance. She saw the difference in him and was curious to find the change in his attitude. All he knew was that Meera was not his destiny.

“Siddarth!” someone had called as he was to step into the elevator. He turned around to see Meera. He stood there not reacting at the person whom he had worshipped. She had broken the silence. It wasn’t the beginning. It was the prelude to the ending.

“Can I talk to you for few minutes?” she said.

They were at the coffee shop down the lane. He hung his laptop bag on the chair and sat on it while she observed his evasive demeanor. They sat there in silence. He waited for her to talk. She waited for him to break the silence. She realized that the silence was painful.

“You wanted to talk to me before I left India” she said.

He looked up at her finally and he began to melt within; as if he had gulped down a powerful shot of acid that ran down his throat causing the damage.

“…and here I am. Talk to me!” she said.

He threw an instant smile filled with a lot of remorse.

“I can’t understand your smile” she smiled at him.

“I never understood your silence” he said.

She was silent again.

“I’m sorry, I know I should have talked. I was just acting up a bit too much I guess” she laughed.

He couldn’t laugh. Her silence had altered the course of his life.

“I have nothing to tell. I think I’m bored of your silence. I have nothing more to add” he said.

She knew things were crumbling down right at that moment.

“I’m sorry. I would love to break this silence forever. I liked those quick moments of stealing each other’s glances. Cheap thrills maybe. Maybe I just let that happen for a very long time. I was interested in you. There were days when I just woke up in the morning and hated to go to work. I pulled myself to work, just because you will be there. You were like my morning cup of coffee!” she smiled.

He wished he had just broken all the ties in his life and just hugged her for eternity. Instead he stood up to leave. She wasn’t prepared for that.

“It doesn’t really make sense to be going back in time. When you left India, I thought my sunshine was gone. It just took a while to open the windows to bring in some fresh air. I’m fine and…”

She looked up at him and finally noticed the ring on his finger.

“…I’m engaged” he completed the sentence and flashed a smile as if to convey that he was happy with his engagement. Inside him, every other cell crashed causing immense pain. He walked out of the coffee pub, breaking the silence finally.

Two days later.

He clasped her hand with his and looked at her. She was looking at the vast expanse of the evening sea that threw grey colors abundant.

“There was a woman in my life. Technically, not life but on my mind” he said.

She looked at him immediately. He turned away and stared into the oblivion. He knew he would not open up to his to-be-wife if he looked at her in her eyes,

“Meera. A colleague. All that we shared was silence…” Siddarth told her everything about Meera and how the engagement had changed his life.

Mansi took all that into her in silence. He was done pouring out his heart to Mansi who was now his reality and not just a dream. She was silent but she clasped his hand tightly as if to console.

He looked at Mansi and waited for a word from her. She returned a smile.

“I need time” she said.

2 AM. After the sudden spell of rain, the tarmac was filled with puddles of water. The reflection of the flood lights on the water made the floor look like gold was strewn all over. It was still drizzling and the ripples on the puddles caught his attention. Siddarth looked intently at the ripples letting his memories reel behind in time. Something weighed him down and an unknown worry engulfed his eyes.

Siddarth was soaring high into the sky in his flight. He looked down at the sleepy city. It was half lit and still beautiful. He would miss his city for a long time. He would miss the dream while he flew with his reality.

He turned around and looked at the woman next to him on the flight. She was already sleeping beside him with her head on his shoulder. Mansi. His newly wedded wife. He reclined and closed his eyes. They were on their way to their honeymoon. He slept peacefully with no extra baggage – finally.

My religion. Your anthem.

2008-03-20T10:06:00.005-07:00

It is a beautiful thing. Between you and me. Between the distance. Beyond love. Beyond hate. Silence. Our language. Your anthem. When did it start? The language of silence. Between you and me. I fail to trace it back in time. Was it after the first smile? Was it after the last exchange of glances? Was it in the pathway? Was it in a dream? Silence. Your anthem.

I fear to sleep. Not that I will be hounded by nightmares. Not because I might skip a dream. I fear to sleep. Maybe because I might miss the silence. Maybe I would stop listening to your silence. But this journey goes on. Between you and me. On parallel lines. In silence. Your anthem.

When you walk down the lane. I see the charm you sprinkle all over. I hear the silence that you throw only at me. I search for your eyes. Hoping at least they will speak to me. Your eyes miss my existence. I stay there patient. In silence. Your anthem.

I'm sitting here. Under the scorching sun. Looking into the bright sky. Squinting my eyes. Wishing at the clear sky. For the rain. You love the rain. I could love it too. Just coz you will smile when it rains. Just coz you will smile at me.

Sometimes I wake up from my daze. Thinking you would have spoken a word or two. That I could overhear your voice. Just a bit. Just enough to cease the noise within me. With your silence. Your anthem.

Have you noticed that the best conversations that we have ever had was the silence that we share? Isn't it beautiful? I think so. Why is that I still love the silent conversation? Why is that I still love to catch you unawares when you look at me from a distant planet? That moment. Those fluttering eyes move away from me. Staring silence into my soul.

You stole my shadow. I'm here trying to steal your silence. I dreamt. Of a clear blue sky. A pristine beach. Untouched shells on the sand. You. Me. Us. I woke up. I still saw the clear blue sky. You. Me. And silence. Your anthem. These were times I wished I never woke up. Woke up to face the silence.

I look at the clock. Time flees. I stare at it in dismay. I pulled it out. Crashed it on the floor. I sit beside the shattered pieces. Time still kept ticking. Out of my life. Out of this story. Maybe I should break the silence. Maybe I should replace the clock. Maybe I need to replace my life. For all the silence shared. Silence. Your anthem.

I chase that tiny smile of yours. The curve on your lips. There too swings the culprit. Silence. I see it around you. Sad. That only I bear the brunt of your silence. Your anthem. I look at your anklet that you wear only on your left leg. A tiny bell clings to it. You walk by. I listen to that. At least it wouldn't shy away and throw silence on me. How blessed am I. The tinkles of your trinkets silence my moment. My dream. The loudness of your silence deafens my moment. My existence.

This silence. Sometimes is deafening. Sometimes gives me the high. Sometimes pokes me. Sometimes strengthens me. Most of the times it hurts me. But I know. This journey is long. I just will travel along with a song. A silent song.

Coffee in my hand. Search in my eyes. You stand beside me. I miss you so much. I see the beauty of how you stir your coffee. Hurriedly. How you stir me. Silently. I smile. You smile too. Silently. I wait for one single word. I get many instead. All in silence. I fail to decipher. I sit there stirring my coffee. While you walk away stirring my soul. In silence. Your anthem.

Will we break this silence? I hope not. Maybe I have started to like it this way. Maybe I feel this is the way of my life. Your life. Our life. In silence. One fine day. If the silence was ever to be broken. I would miss it. Those quick moments of silence brushing each other. Those long hours of conversations. Mere silence. Promise me. Just this. Just this time. That this silence will not be broken. It has become a habit. A daily affair. My religion. Your anthem.

Green, Yellow, Red, the journey ahead...

2008-03-09T10:46:00.004-07:00

It had been years since Siddarth took a local train back home. He had forgotten the counter at which to get a ticket, the platform to board. Everyone around him seemed to be hurrying up either out of the station or rushing to catch a train. Siddarth stood there with a ticket in his hand and staring at the display board. He finally spotted the train that would take him to his destination. His car had crashed and he dreaded taking a bus. He did not want to hang out of a crowded bus with his laptop bag and a blackberry in his pocket. He was sure a catch if he were ever robbed. He knew an auto rickshaw will cost him a lot that he could save it up for the petrol for his car. His calculative mind finally decided to take the train.

He stood at the platform looking at either side, not realizing which side the train was about to arrive. He held his laptop bag close to him and studied the watch every now and then. Everyone around him seemed to have a life that was the same, day after day. Nobody looked as anticipated as Siddarth. Nobody kept looking at the empty tracks or the train that never arrived. He was worried, not about the delay in train, but the crowd that he will have to wade through and find a place to perch. To safeguard his belongings. To get off without a crumpled shirt or someone else’s sweat all over him. He dreaded the feeling. For a moment he thought he would toss the ticket on the tracks and hire an auto rickshaw outside the station. Before he could make up his mind, the train arrived and even before he could realize, there were more people from nowhere who were thronging towards the train. All Siddarth had to do was stay close to the crowd. In few seconds he was inside the train and luckily the train was not as crowded as he had imagined. It almost seemed empty all of a sudden. He held the bar above his head as the train moved. His other hand was tightly pressed against the laptop bag. His journey home began with not much fanfare. At the next station he was able to find a place to sit beside the window. He immediately placed his laptop bag beside him so that nobody else would sit in that little space in between him and the little guy who sat next to him.

The next station was the most crowded and Siddarth did not even want to look out to see the crowd. He was happy to have found the place because his destination was the last in that trip. He kept staring at the empty tracks outside the window. It was dark and he could hardly see anything. His train began his journey again and the darkness outside was now moving.

Someone nudged his bag and he looked up to see a man standing next to him. He did not tell anything, but looked at the bag as if signaling to move it. Siddarth did not budge. He looked out of the window again and just before he was supposed to be lost in his thoughts, the man lifted his bag and sat down in that little space in between Siddarth and the little guy. Siddarth immediately pulled his bag close to him and placed it on his lap. The man must have been in his early thirties. He was wearing a white shirt and a white trouser and black shoes. He looked run down. Maybe he was drunk. Siddarth was not feeling at ease. He smelled liquor on the man, but it was just Siddarth’s imagination.

The journey resumed in silence, but not for too long.

“Comfortable?” the man asked Siddarth.

Siddarth nodded his head and turned away to look into the darkness outside the train.

“Stocks?” the man asked.

“What?”

“Are you a stock broker?” the man asked.

Siddarth in a noticeably irritated tone, “No! Software engineer”

“Ah!” the man said as if to be judgmental.

It irked Siddarth and wanted to know what that “Ah!” meant. Siddarth looked at the man and read his face. It was not a happy face. The man looked tired. “Maybe that is how I look too” Siddarth thought to himself.

“Tiring day nah?” the man asked.

Siddarth decided to remain silent. He looked beyond the man and looked at the little boy who sat in silence.

“The traffic was terrible today. I was late” the man said.

Siddarth was sure that the man was not drunk but he was freaking him out. What if he was a psycho? What if he threatened him with a knife and snatched away his belongings?

“Ye..yes” Siddarth said as if he was unsure.

There was silence again.

“You know, sometimes it is very difficult to get to your destination on time. A life depends on your timing. But…” the man went into a thoughtful silence.

Siddarth looked at the man and saw tears brimming in his eyes. The man looked at the little boy who was still lost in his own world of silence.

Siddarth was hesitant to start a conversation with a man who had already freaked him out enough.

“but… people do not understand. It is the !@#$%^& traffic”, the man was now abusing the traffic and the drivers on the road.

“Who are you? A cab driver?” Siddarth asked and then thought to himself if he really wanted to prolong a conversation with a verbally abusive man.

“I’m an ambulance driver” he said.

“Ah!” Siddarth said in a judgmental tone. This time the man looked at Siddarth wanting to know the meaning of his “Ah!”.

“It is a very difficult job” the man said.

“In the traffic, next to a VIP’s convoy, it is the ambulance that gets more attention and space” Siddarth said as if the ambulance drivers were the privileged ones on the road.

“Wrong. Your perspective is wrong. I would not blame the people on the road. But on a rush hour, where is the space for an ambulance to wade through hundreds of vehicles in this city?”

“But people do respect the emergency of the people inside the ambulance and you cannot blame them at all. Even if someone wants to get home really quick, they still take a chance to leave way for the ambulance” Siddarth said in a defensive tone.

“I respect the people on the road. They pave way. Sometimes I think they are God. There are some who just follow an ambulance so that they can reach their destination quicker with the little space that an ambulance gets as a privileged vehicle on the road”

“Oh yea, I cannot deny that. What sad lives those people should have to follow the emergency of an ambulance just because they can move out of the traffic themselves”

“It is not an easy job. Very stressful. Everyday, some part of the city, someone is crying for a life. I can still hear cries of the people inside my ambulance. It is all about emergency.”

Siddarth was all of compassion for this man now. He decided to remain silent and listen to this stranger in the train.

“Sometimes I reach on time. I save a life. I save a life because I was fast, because the traffic let me move, because someone would have prayed in the road that the person inside the ambulance should live long, because the people around the patient inside the ambulance cried so loud that I just rushed on time, because there is God!” the man ranted.

“Sometimes I fail. I would not be able to help. The patient would have died even before we reached the hospital. The patient would have died just after reaching the hospital. Sometimes I blame myself that I could have been a little faster. Maybe the traffic could have been more controlled. Sometimes, during the rush hour it is chaotic and a huge ambulance does not have the space to move at all. Those are times when I really had thoughts of quitting the job.”

“You sure are a brave man” Siddarth said as if it would be consoling.

“I think so. I was a brave man. I saved lives. There were times when people would run back to me and hug me and tell me that they had saved their parents, their kids, their grand dad. They would give me money. I have also faced the wrath of the family members if someone died before we reached the hospital. They would think I was the one who killed the patient. It was not the traffic. It was not the condition of the patient. It was just me. Initially it hurt me. I got used to it later. Now I know it is part of my job. I try. I do not give up”

“People at the traffic too have their own responsibility” Siddarth said.

“Not all know about it. Tell me, you too drive your car don’t you. During those peak hours, honking like crazy, talking over the phone…” the man said. He folded his hands and waited for Siddarth to speak.

“Yes, but that has become the way of life. I used to take the train earlier when I was at college. Then when I got to work, I took my office bus. Then I had a bike. As I walked up the corporate ladder, I kept changing my mode of transportation too” Siddarth said.

“Signs of prosperity”

“Precisely” Siddarth snapped. He did not like that part of the conversation.

“A selfish self-obsessed software engineer who cannot think beyond the US dollars, an apartment, the monthly EMIs, sophisticated cars, bank balance, client meetings, sub-ordinates who report…” the man went on.

Siddarth did not stop him. Here was a man who summarized Siddarth’s life in just about 15 minutes.

“… weekends at the beach. Or maybe to a 2 hours movie, but the time you spend to get to the theater is more than the movie time itself. Annual vacation outside the country. Frequent business travels….”

“and?” Siddarth now smiled at the man.

“It is like a race right?”

“Yes!” Siddarth said in an affirmative tone.

“Sad life right?”

Siddarth smiled and looked out of the window. It was still dark and he had not realized how many stations had passed by then.

“So what is a happy life according to you?” Siddarth asked the man.

“I don’t know. I cannot define it. I save a life. I’m happy. I don’t get there on time and help save a life, I’m still happy, because I tried. Although mine is a simple life, it is still a race. A race to save someone else’s life. A race literally on the road, to beat everyone on the road, to wade through the traffic and reach there on time. Just that I race for others, not my own.”

“Hmm… makes sense. I race for myself. For those luxuries in life. My clients who would not understand the delays at work, but I race for myself so that I can save my ass from firing. I run from home to work during the wee hours to just catch up on a video conference. End of the day, I just save my work. My life”

“We almost lived the same life. I save lives by driving them to their safety zone. You race to get yourself to the safety zone.”

“You think it won’t continue anymore?” Siddarth asked.

The man smiled at Siddarth with a raised eyebrow.

Silence fell upon their journey again. After a while Siddarth turned around to see the man ruffling the hair of the little boy who was seated next to him.

The man looked at Siddarth.

“This little boy was on my ambulance. I tried very hard. I raced through the rush hour madness. The traffic was notorious.”

“Oh! He is safe now. You must have done a brilliant job. But how come you both are on this train now”

“I still can hear his mother’s shrill cries. I was not able to concentrate on my driving. It was as if my mind had already departed. I wanted this boy to live. To reach the hospital before he gave up. Just as I was close to the hospital, this little boy gave up. His last breath was in my ambulance and his mother cried aloud. I lost my control and the ambulance ran over the pavement and toppled over a few times. The red siren was all that remained of the ambulance. It kept raising the alarm until people came running for help. The same red siren, that helped me save many lives, didn’t help my life”

Siddarth’s face drained. He was motionless and kept listening to the man.

“I saw someone pull out this boy’s mother. She seemed to be walking. They put her in an auto rickshaw and I saw it disappear into the cloud of dust. I saw someone run to me. I saw more people running towards me. I closed my eyes. I was in pain. I gave up too”

Siddarth closed his eyes for a moment to recollect what had really happened.

He was rushing to his office as he had a videoconference with his client. He was on the phone giving instructions to his subordinates on what needs to be completed before the conference call. As he had taken a quick left, he saw a flash of light hit him. Before he could realize he saw an ambulance roll by his side and he was rolling inside his car the other way. He remembered seeing a woman being pulled out of the ambulance. He remembered someone running towards him. He remembered jetting out of the door himself. He was in pain and he gave up. He fell flat on this face, his laptop bag still hugging to him and his communicator was still on.

Siddarth opened his eyes quickly and looked out of the window. There was still darkness outside. The darkness will never cease. He turned around to look at the man and the little boy. They were lost in silence. A long journey was ahead.

One last time...

2008-02-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

“Why do we keep repeating this same argument again and again?” Mansi asked as she placed the food on the table.

“That is exactly what I want to know too. It has been a year and we still are arguing over everything” Siddarth screamed on top of his voice, sitting on the couch and switching channels.

Mansi walked into the living room and looked at him. She wasn’t looking beautiful. There was anger on her face. Frustration too. Siddarth didn’t want to see her.

“I’m tired Siddarth.” She said and wiped the sweat off her face.

Siddarth remained silent.

“I’m here talking and screaming and trying to make a point and what the hell is so interesting in that TV?” she screamed at him again. This time it was for his nonchalance.

“What do you want me to do?” Siddarth switched off the TV and looked at her.

“What do you want me to do?” she repeated the question.

Siddarth was silent again.

“This is it! I’m dead tired of your silence and definitely will go mad in just about a couple of days or even hours” she said.

“I’ve been trying but we always end up arguing over everything”

“Trying? Now that is news” she responded.

“What? Are you telling me that I don’t even try to keep this relationship going?” she had rubbed him on the wrong side and it clearly showed in his defensive voice.

She remained silent this time. He walked to her and held her by her shoulders. “Look at me and tell me that I never tried”, he asked her shaking her in rage.

“You are hurting me like you have always done.” She said.

“Hurt? Gosh. What are we getting into now?”

“Yes Siddarth! I am hurt and it is sad that you haven’t seen it in me at all. And I’m tired of all this” she screamed as she pushed him away.

Siddarth saw someone else before him, not the Mansi he had been seeing for the past one year.

“Like you never hurt me. It wasn’t always a one-sided argument. You can’t blame me for everything” Siddarth screamed back at her.

The blame game continued for few more minutes and finally they had to culminate at a point, which they had no idea that it would be their last argument ever.

“I can’t take it any more Siddarth. Just leave me. Get out of this house” Mansi screamed on top of her voice. Silence fell upon the house and Siddarth stood there beside a woman who just wanted him to walk away from her and her life.

“Leave you for today or forever? Is that what you had wanted for a long time now?” he asked. His voice was not cracking yet. There was still anger lurking within his throat.

“Don’t think you can get away with technicalities by pulling out things from my mouth. Today or forever, just leave me.”

Siddarth did not look at her anymore. He picked his jacket and walked to the door. His anger had hit the bottom and she knew that, because he didn’t bang the door behind him, instead he just left it open. He surely wasn’t angry, but lost.
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One week later.

Siddarth was at his office checking his personal emails every few seconds, hoping Mansi would have sent an email. She didn’t and he didn’t send her one either. He was getting impatient. Day one, he thought it was over forever. Day four, he thought it was a nightmare. Day seven, he knew it was all a false alarm and he wanted to get on with life, with Mansi. He wasn’t sure how to approach her. He lost the confidence of approaching his own girlfriend for the fear that she might just confirm that the breakup was for real.

He composed an email with no salutation or closure.

“Is this for real?”

He waited for 5 minutes. There wasn’t any response. Usually she responded that quick. But whenever they had a fight, she would respond in 10 mins. That was their delivery times to respond to email or SMS! He couldn’t wait. He sent the same message to her through SMS. There was no reply from her for 15 mins. He waited for 30 mins and left for a meeting with his team.

Beep.

He couldn’t pull out his mobile to read the response during the meeting. He couldn’t resist. He excused himself and walked out of the meeting hall just to read the SMS. It was from his bank confirming the receipt of his credit card payment. Blood shot to his head and he walked back into the meeting hall. Siddarth went through hell those two hours at the meeting.
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Mansi kept clicking F9 on her outlook mailbox every other second to fetch new mails. She never had any until during one of those frantic clicks; she saw a mail from Siddarth with no subject. She frantically opened the mail to read his one-liner and was greatly dejected. She did not know the answer to his question. She stayed there staring at the monitor wondering what to reply.

Beep.

She read the same message on SMS. She immediately typed a message in response.

“I hope it isn’t”

Just then her team mate Rhea stood beside her. She quickly closed the message thinking she had pressed the Send button. Instead her message was stored in the Drafts. She waited for his response. For an hour. And two. There wasn’t any. Mansi went through hell those two hours when he was at the meeting.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hours, one after the other went by swiftly. Siddarth’s mind was pregnant with Mansi’s thoughts and her silence. He couldn’t spend a moment devoid of her thoughts. Her silence was more torturous than any of their arguments so far. The thought that it was their final breakup was beginning to set into his mind. He began to have visions of the dead end that was ahead. She wasn’t responding and his mind wasn’t either.

She sat beside the phone expecting his call. At least a response to her SMS. She wanted him to take the next move and felt satisfied that she had done her part.

It was almost 1 AM and Siddarth tossed and turned. Event the foam on his bed and pillow kept chanting her name. She was there all around him. He was enraged and quickly picked up his mobile and typed an SMS to her.

“If it is fair that you walked out of my life, it is fair to take away your memories from me”

He pressed the Send button and then in a fraction of a second he realized he shouldn’t have sent such a hasty message to her. His mind battled the fact that she could have had reasons for not having responded to his SMS, but his heart was still angry with the same fact.

As soon as her mobile beeped, she sprang on it. She opened it drowsily to read the message. She rubbed her eyes again to decipher the message, as if it was coded with lots of hidden meaning and that it had to be decoded to extract the essence of it. She failed. She was angry and replied instantly.

“Yes, sounds like a fair deal. And FYI, I didn’t walk out of your life”

She pressed Send.

He knew she would respond to that SMS of his, and as expected his mobile beeped.

He kept looking at the message and didn’t know how to respond. He called her immediately. She answered the phone but did not utter a word. He didn’t either. There was silence at both ends. She could hear him breathe and he could hear the noise of the fan in her room.

“Where do we start?” he asked not able to withstand the silence for long.

“With SMS?” she said as if that was the expected answer or rather question.
He was silent.

“When do we start?” she asked.

“Right away” he said.

They hung up as if the long awaited conversation was over after hours. This was their shortest conversation on phone all of that one year of seeing each other.

Siddarth looked at his Inbox on his mobile. There were more than 300 messages from Mansi. He had moved them to a separate folder, all the special messages from her. “slept?”, “ate?”, “meeting?”, “miss u dodo”, and all those special one words. He hesitantly selected them all to be deleted. He couldn’t get to do it. He wanted to read those messages for one last time. He did that night. One after the other and pressed Delete after reading them. His mobile was clean of her messages. It was the beginning to erase her from his life.

Mansi read it too, message after message. She wanted to SMS him and ask if it was really fair. On second thoughts, she deleted them all. She realized a part of him was on the Sent folder as well. She cleaned it out completely. Her mobile felt light, but her heart was heavier than the breakup night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What madness?” Siddarth’s colleague Aman laughed.

“I know! I woke up and realized what difference it makes. Nothing. It could just have remained on my mobile” Siddarth said.

“That is not my point. Deleting SMS from a mobile phone erases your past with her? What crap! Get a grip man!”

“Yea, you are right. I think there are so many other things to erase before time erases my mind of her”

“You are definitely dazed. You need a vacation. You need a break” Aman said sensing the depressed tone of Siddarth.

“”What about mails? It should go away too. All of them” Siddarth said.

“Oh come on. Just take a break, go somewhere far away, get yourself some fresh air and come back to think of all these” Aman pleaded.

“The mails will have to go away too”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Maybe that was a good move. You at least found the courage to delete all the messages from your mobile. You will survive” Rhea said.

“Hmmm…. but it hurt to do that. Maybe it was just madness to do such a thing. I just lost them all in a jiffy. I can’t get back those messages that I saved for over a year of togetherness.” Mansi lamented.

“You are just going through the breakup phase. You will feel lighter after sometime. When you look back, you will realize that you actually didn’t lose much” Rhea comforted.

Mansi looked at her mobile. She knew it would beep less hereafter. She wouldn’t get those midnight messages from him asking if she was asleep or thinking of him. She wouldn’t get missed calls just for fun when she was in official meetings. She wouldn’t like to set caller tunes just for him. It was over. The romance over the mobile phone. She put the mobile on silent mode and dumped it into her bag.

She stared at her monitor and saw a mail from Siddarth with no subject. She immediately opened it.

“If it was fair to erase all SMS, what about emails?”

She was hurt again. It was her turn to bear the brunt. She suggested SMS earlier and he responded suggesting emails.

She replied.

“Ok.”

He saw her reply and got an idea on his dying mind and limping soul. He immediately replied to her.

“I don’t want to believe that you have erased me from your inbox. I need proof”

She responded.

“Proof? Like what?”

He knew that was coming from her. He replied immediately.

“7 PM today at Coffee and Stories café. Bring our laptops. Delete emails right before our eyes”

She didn’t like his reply and his thought of distrust.

He liked the idea, because he missed her terribly and he wanted to see her. He thought this would be the best possible way to get to meet her.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They sat there with their laptops as if they were tech junkies who can’t get off their laptop and internet. After all they were just one among those many other internet freaks in that café.

She showed him her inbox. She had filtered all her emails based on his email ID. There were more than 100s of emails from him. All those that were sent during those early days of courting and the days when he was traveling. He turned around his laptop to show her emails. He had created a folder to filter all her emails and the folder name read “life”. She looked at him as if to love him that moment to see a folder with that name.

“Every time a mail falls into that folder, I think my life gained more strength. It is like the life that you gain on Playstation games. The more mails I get the more chances I have with life. That is what I kept thinking.” he said as he selected all the emails in that folder.

She selected all his emails in her inbox and waited for him to speak.

“Drain my life?” he asked not looking at her.

She clicked delete on her screen as he looked at her monitor. He clicked Delete instantly too. She cleared the Trash folder as well. He gave a sheepish smile and cleared the Trash folder too.

She closed the laptop and asked, “What next?”

“Your turn” he said as he sank into the couch with his arms folded as if to close upon himself.

“Loads of pics of yours and ours” she said.

“Printed or digital?” he asked.

“Both” she said and quickly opened her laptop again to gather all the pictures.

In another 10 mins they erased the contents in their laptops that would remind them of each other.

Although they were fighting each other’s egos, they were beginning to feel emotionally drained.

“It is your turn” he said.

“For?”

“To tell what is next in line”

She was silent. She couldn’t understand if he was mocking at the situation or if he was being serious.

“Cards and gifts?” she asked.

“Yes, I guess those too” he said.

“Tomorrow same place?” she asked.

“Carry them all over here?”

“Ok, I will drop them at your place” she said.

They parted their ways, this time with lighter laptops, but with a much heavier hearts. This game of breakup was tearing them apart in the true sense.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She walked into his house like that was her first time. She sat at the edge of the couch. He clearly understood how things had changed between them during those few days of not being themselves. From strangers to lovers and now back to strangers.

“You are not hurting the couch. Sit comfortably” he said.

She sank into it and did not smile at his snide remark. She had a pretty red bag beside her, full of his gifts and cards.

“You look like Santa” he smiled at her.

She did not smile at him although she wanted to.

“Give me mine” she said.

“Give me mine” he said.

“Are we behaving like kids?” she asked as she stood up and walked to the window.

“I don’t know. But I still wonder why are we doing all this? Will this help getting over each other? Will it erase all our memories?”

“Maybe yes. Maybe no. Just that, when I open my cupboard, I won’t see your things anymore and that means less of your thoughts in the future”

“Hmm.. makes sense. But what happens to the Mansi who runs around my mind?” he asked.

“She will fade away too in time.” She said.

He walked into his room and brought out a carton full of her gifts and cards. It seemed to weigh more than his gifts to her. She turned around, walked to the couch to pick her red bag. He placed the carton beside the couch. She emptied the red bag on the couch. He remembered all those that he saw in the heap. She had also saved up tissue papers that they had scribbled during their long dinner outings, the cabin bag tag of the flight that they traveled together and all those tiny pieces of him. She began to take her gifts and photos from his carton and trashed it into her bag. He sat down on the couch looking at her from behind. Tears rolled down her eyes as he sat there oblivious to it. She picked them all and walked to the door. She stood there for a sign from him, not looking back. He turned towards the window, other side of the door. She gently closed the door behind and walked out. He stood up and walked like a zombie to the window to see her get into the cab. She did not look out of the car. He saw her wiping her tears. He couldn’t cry. He didn’t want to drain his emotions. If he did, it would be the day he will get over her.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another week passed by.

SMS. Emails. Phone calls. They were devoid of all that. There was nothing at home, in their wallets, bags, anywhere, to remind them of each other. It was just their pregnant minds.

Every time Siddarth was tempted to send an SMS to her, he would end up saving it on draft. One evening, he simply deleted her number from his mobile.

That same evening, she was browsing through her mobile to find some message from Siddarth that she might have missed to delete. While running through the Draft folder, she noticed the unsent message to him that could have eased a lot of things two weeks back. She simply deleted that message too.

She couldn’t hold her dejection that fate had played a trick. She immediately called him. He looked at his phone and saw the number flashing. It usually flashed “Life is calling”, this time it was just a number. He knew it was her.

He answered the phone and stayed silent.

“Hi” she said in a feeble tone.

“Is there anything else to erase from my life? I’m trying hard to get you off my mind. I fail” he said.

She remained silent with tears brimming in her ears.

“Can I ask you one last thing?” Siddarth asked.

“Hmm…”

“Can I see you one last time? I want to be with you. I want my Mansi for one last time. I won’t ask for more. Just one last time” he pleaded. His eyes were hurt and tears wouldn’t surface.

“Hmm…” she said.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She had cooked dinner for him. He was surprised to see all his favorite dishes decked up on the dining table. She had gone for her shower while he walked around the kitchen. He saw the mug by the sink, the one that she had gifted him. She must have started using it. He walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Her dupatta was on the other couch. He picked that up and smelled her in it. He missed her so much. So near yet so far and it hurt him so much. Just then the smell got stronger and fresher. He quickly turned around to see Mansi standing beside him. She was draped in a pretty blood red saree that accentuated her body that pretty evening. He hid the dupatta behind him and threw a sheepish smile. She smiled at him after a long time. His heart melted. She leaned over him and ran her hand behind him to pull the dupatta from his back. He felt her close to him. The freshness on her body and the wetness on her hair hurt his senses. He kissed her on her neck before she could move away from him with her dupatta. She looked at him into his eyes and turned away. He felt embarrassed.

“Nobody is perfect Mansi. Everybody has their faults. They live with it. Life is full of imperfections” Siddarth blurted out and killed the silence that lurked in the mildly lit room.

She turned around not expecting a sudden statement from Siddarth.

“But you were the one with all your rules. That was all about perfection again” she said.

“Maybe even trying to go by rules is also imperfection in me. So why can’t I live with that?”

“Exactly. Why can’t I live with my imperfections and why can’t we live with each other’s imperfections?” Mansi was beginning to get hysterical.

“I’m tired of seeing a stranger in you.” Siddarth said.

“You wanted to be with me one last time. I’m all yours tonight Siddarth”

He was silent. He opened his arms for her to run to him. She didn’t. She sat on the couch and turned the other side. He walked to her, knelt beside her and placed his hands over her crossed legs. Tears rolled down her eyes. He stood up and lifted her. He moved close to her and held her face by her chin.

“Look at me, let me see myself in those tears. It was because me, right?” he asked in a comforting tone.

She looked at him with eyes welling up.

“This is not my Mansi. She won’t cry this bad. She would rather hit me and make me whine in pain” he said and smiled at her.

She smiled through her tears.

“One last kiss?” he asked.

She did not reply.

He moved close to her and kissed her gently on her lips. They lost their senses briefly in that moment of togetherness. They kissed for a very long time, until the tears in her eyes dried. He smiled as they were kissing.

“What is it?” she asked as they were still kissing.

“Before kissing you, I promised myself that I will continue to kiss you until the tears dry up” he smiled.

“Dodo!” she scolded him, but still kissing.

He moved away from her, but still holding her close.

“Thank you for that one last kiss” he said.

She remained silent. She wished it wasn’t the last.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He sat beside the window on an empty compartment of the local train that morning. He smiled to himself thinking about last night and the last kiss.

She sat on her bed still thinking about last night’s last kiss and the conversations thereafter. She saw the empty coffee cups beside her. Her lips still tasted coffee and the room smelled of his cologne.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Previous night.

“We have erased messages, emails, photographs, gifts, and what not. Technically everything that would remind us of each other” Siddarth said.

“Hmm.. she nodded her head, resting on his bosom like a sleepy child.

“There is nothing left of each other. Just memories on our minds, which will fade in time”

“Hmm..” she said.

“So we are almost empty. Back to square one ,where we were just strangers in each other’s lives” he said.

She remained silent.

“And the last kiss is also done with. We are at the last few moments of togetherness”

She looked up at him as if to ask, what he was trying to convey.

He looked at her and there was hesitance in his eyes and his throat was trying to swallow words that his heart wanted to utter.

“Tell it” she whispered.

“Now that we are almost strangers in this night, can we start over afresh? All over again?” he finally blurted.

“I would have killed you if you hadn’t asked me this?” she said and hugged him.

“Phew!”

He hugged her even closer and smiled.

“Hey!” he called out to her.

“Hmm?” she asked faintly still in his hug.

“How you doing?” he asked in Joey’s tone.

She laughed.

Next day, they woke up to smell coffee, together in each other’s arms.

They were in love, all over again.

You stole my shadow...

2008-01-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

I sit there on that stone bench staring at the distant you. You look like a dream. A poem. A dream. A dreamy poem. Are you for real? I sit there spending every moment. Every hour. Looking at you. Sometimes looking for you. I find you. I lose you. I dream. I continue doing it. For me. For us. I come to that stone bench every day. I simply sit there in silence. I sit there expecting you to turn around and break the silence. I fail. The leaves fall on me. Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it shines. All I can feel is the snow. Cold. Chilling. Deadly. I pursue. I wait. I dream. In silence.

Is it autumn? Is it winter? Is it spring? Or is it just you? How long should I sit here. Counting the leaves. Chasing a dream. Wishing at stars. Warring at every heartbeat. Where did you go? When did you come? Why am I dazed? Why am I silent? I smiled at you. Waved at you. Took a step or two to sit beside you. I made my mind. Tamed my heart. Took the steps. Almost a million ones. Walked up to you. Was I blinded? By your smile? Or was it the glint in your eyes. Or was it mine? I moved closer. I lost my senses. Briefly. Was it the aroma that you carry? Was it just my sense that had a lapse?

It took a moment or even two. To push those clouds that crowded around me. To chase those butterflies that crowded you. You were gone. Just like that. You disappeared like you never were there. Into nowhere. Everything seemed empty around me. Everything seemed like a painting on canvas. A canvas without you. I stood there like a painter who had just chopped off his hands after painting a masterpiece. I looked around. I searched. Not all over. Just inside the canvas. Where you belonged.

I walked back to the stone bench and perched on it. Lost you somewhere. Lost my heart. My mind. I continue to sit there in silence. Waiting for you. Waiting for the moment. To see you. To be with you. Not a lifetime. Just a moment. I would die a million times. For that one moment. One word. Or just one moment of silence together. I would die a million times.

What went wrong? Why am I still waiting? For you to come back? For that one single moment of silence? I’ve been awake all night. Looking at the moon. You might have been looking at it too at the same time. Just a consolation thought. The stars laughed at me. I felt at home. Missed you. I sit there looking at the sun rise. Blinds me. My mind. Another day. Brand new. The wait continues. On that stone bench. In silence.

I hear the dried leaves whisper. Your arrival. My dawn. I turn around. I see no one. I turn back. I see you on that stone bench. Near. Yet so far. Ecstasy. I want to run. To you. From me. I take a step forward. One backward. Fear of losing you again. For now. Forever. I sit there in silence. Watching you play with the dew drops. Leaves. My heart. I see it running around your feet. My heart. It likes you. I think. Yea, maybe. I smile. I wait.

I see someone. A shadow. Walks towards you. Sits beside you. My heart goes invisible. I see you. Him. Your laughter. Your hair fluttering in the breeze. Your smile. Your eyes. You. Where am I? I thought I was all around you. In a moment, I felt myself invisible. Like I was dead and gone. Ages ago. Never to return. To see you like that. I still wait for the shadow beside you to disappear. It did. Few years later. I continue to sit there. On the stone bench. In silence.

It hurts. To wait. To not have the courage to walk to you. For the fear of losing you. For the fear you will disappear. Why can’t I just sit here? On the stone bench. In silence. And watch the moon smile and the sun rise. All alone. Yet with you. A little far away. But I make up my mind. I took few steps forward. Many steps backward. A million times. Finally I stood there. Behind you. My shadow fell right before you. You feared. You didn’t look back. You decided to go away. I moved. You froze. You wanted to run. I was ready to chase. You sat again. Looking at my shadow. In silence. I stood there. Raising my hand. Placing it on your shoulder. You didn’t react. I moved closer. I wanted to whisper in your ears. A million stories. Defeating the 1001 Arabian nights. I moved closer. I whispered. You didn’t react. My eyes welled up. A tear fell on your pristine body and ran down your hand. You looked up. It drizzled. Camouflaged my tears. I retrieved. I walked back. To the stone bench. Sat there in silence. Looked at you. And my shadow that stayed with you.

I smile. Through those tears. I live here with your memories. You live there with my shadow. I sit here in silence. You sit there with my silence. I lost my mind. My heart. Now my shadow. What next?

Goodbye!

2007-12-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

This is the last serving for the year 2007. Cookies again!

And hey, this is not a goodbye post. It is goodbye to 2007! Thanks for reading Coffee and Stories. Thanks for being with the Coffee and Stories community on Orkut as well. Last year, same time, it was 150 and now 400 :) Continue to stay for more stories with coffee of all flavors!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2008!

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Goodbye [1]

It was that time of her life, to leave her family, her house, her dog, her room, her life that she had lived so far, or so she thought. Mansi. She was walking down the pathway towards the car with her newly wedded husband Siddarth. Her legs were walking slowly but her eyes were frantically searching for her parents and brother all over the crowded place. Everyone seemed cheerful in the crowd. It was a happy occasion after all. She wanted the world to stop, for just a moment, so that she can run back to her house quickly and grab her life again and live it for that frozen moment. She looked back as she was walking and saw her parents and brother wade through the crowd and rush to her. It was the right moment. The moment for her eyes to end the search and cry a river. Her legs did not stop. Her legs knew her destiny. But her heart leapt out and ran towards her family. She hugged her mom and promised her that she would be good as she had taught. She hugged her dad and whimpered, “You let me go so soon”. Her dad rubbed her shoulder and stood there like a rock with a smile. Within, his heart was crumbling. She punched her brother in the belly and said, “The room is all yours now but don’t you dare touch my things. They are still mine”. He hugged her and said, “Yes, those things will be yours and we need them. At least we won’t feel you are very far”.

Creases of her kohl added beauty to her flawless skin. The photos clicked at that moment would leave traces of the goodbye for ever. “Good bye”, she said wiping her tears. Siddarth put his hand around her arm as if to wrap a precious gift and said, “Welcome home”.

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Goodbye [2]

“It has been over a month since your admission letter came. How quickly the days have passed. You are leaving already”, Siddarth’s mom said as she sat beside him. “Don’t worry mom, the days will move on even faster and I will be back in India”, Siddarth said as he was doing the last-minute-packing and ticking his checklist of items to carry. “That is my only prayer”, she said and left the room. It was time for him to leave the house after 22 years of living there. He was in a hurry and did not have the time to get emotional about the house and his belongings. He knew he was coming back one fine day, but never knew that he would change his mind and never come back. His mom stood at the door looking at her son load all the huge suitcases behind the car. Her mind raced back to the day when Siddarth first left for school. He wailed and hid under the car. His mom and dad could not get under the car and they had to ask the watchman to pull him out and put him in the rickshaw that was waiting outside. That threw a quick smile on her face, but it didn’t last long.

She jolted out of the nostalgia as Siddarth’s dad honked and asked Siddarth to get in. As if to have forgotten, Siddarth walked to his mom, “Goodbye mom”, he said and hugged her. “Goodbye Siddarth. Come back soon”, she said and kissed him on his forehead. She stood there looking at the car pull out of the house. She kept staring at the empty space, the place where he had hidden under the car. The car was gone, and in it was her son, gone far far away leaving the empty space for her to look at each day, for the all those years he is gone.

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Goodbye [3]

She looked at her watch and looked frantically at the frenzied crowd at the airport. She was going home for Christmas and New Years. Mansi. She had been waiting for him at the airport lounge outside the departure terminal. Siddarth. He was her heart, the one that seemed to have retired to eternity. She had ten minutes to rush to the security check and then hop into the flight. It seemed like ages waiting for him and she felt cobwebs all around her. She even thought her feet were stuck to the floor and her heart had already retired to eternity. Finally she realized it was too late and he wouldn’t come. She stood up with her baggage and walked towards the gate.

“Mansi!” someone had called. She quickly turned around with a wide smile. She wanted to get away with the cobwebs and run to him. Her smile drained into a disappointed smiley. It was Ayan. He stood there with a bouquet in his hand. “Maybe it is from Siddarth” she thought and walked to him hurriedly. “Take care Mansi. I will still be waiting for you”, Ayan said and gave the bouquet to her. She got it from him, her friend for four years and walked back, still thinking about him. Siddarth. As she walked in, not looking back, she read the tag on the bouquet, which read “Goodbye”. Ayan turned around to see Siddarth behind him. “I’m late” Siddarth thought and stood there watching Mansi go. The tag on his bouquet read, “I love you”.

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Goodbye [4]

He got back to his place to pick his bag full of office stationery and files that were to be taken home. Siddarth. It was his last day at work. His friends helped him collect his materials with drooping faces. They were not sure how to see his empty chair the next day. Siddarth would be gone. To another country. For better prospects. Siddarth felt something heavy. It wasn’t the bag that he was carrying. It must have been his heart that pulled over all the memories to it like a magnet. He still waited for a sign from her. She sat just two work stations away from his. Mansi. She had joined his workplace just four months ago and ever since he saw her, he had wanted to know her. Everyday his interest in her grew like a creeper on the wall. It never flowered. He felt it all coiled around his day at work. “Are you still waiting for the right time to go talk to her?” Ayan asked. Siddarth did not respond. “Either you go talk to her or I will go now” Meera said. “What is the point? I never had the courage to go talk to her all these days. Now when am leaving…” Siddarth said and his face drained. “And you told us about this only yesterday. What a moron”, Varun said. “I got to leave” Siddarth said and picked his bag again. He decided to wipe off the frown from his face forever. He realized that there were no signs at all in those four months. He trusted in serendipity and chances in life. But not his own instinct to go talk to the woman whom he was interested to know.

“We will come over to your place tonight” Ayan said. “Thank you guys. This place wouldn’t have been fun without you all” Siddarth said and hugged them all. They stepped out of their workstation and began to walk towards Mansi’s workstation which was on the way to the exit. Siddarth kept looking at her as he walked past her place, she never looked up. “Can I throw this box at her?” Varun asked and the others laughed. As they reached the door, Siddarth looked back at her. She wasn’t seeing him and seemed to be engrossed in her computer monitor. Siddarth was angered. He dropped his bag and walked towards her in a rage. He stood right before her and the rage in his eyes transformed to passion even without a wink. Mansi looked at him puzzled. “I have been wanting to talk to you for over 4 months and I never could muster the courage…”, he said. She sat there not moving an inch. “And now I finally got the courage to talk to you and all I can tell you now is….”, he paused. She was transfixed and also curious to know about that crazy guy. Her eyes opened widely and a twinkle almost blinded him. He stood there mesmerized. “..is…?” she asked. “Goodbye”, he said and walked out.

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Goodbye [5]

He sat there stirring his cafe latte. That was the second for the evening. The chilly wind outside ripped him apart, but he decided to wait a little longer. Siddarth. He had waited at that café for over 2 hours and she hadn’t come. Meera. A friend. A friend whom he wanted to share his life with and be his partner. She refused his love but promised to be his friend forever. The forever was at stake too. He did not stop loving her even if she had made new friends and special people in life. Some love lives forever and goes to the grave. Some love lives for an hour and dissolves in thin air. Chilly winter air. After months, Meera was visiting her hometown and Siddarth wanted to meet her. All he wanted from her was an hour of conversations with coffee and a picture. They never had one together and Siddarth wanted one badly. A memory that he wanted to wake up to and go to sleep with. He was jolted back from his nostalgia when the mobile beeped. SMS. He quickly pulled it out expecting Meera’s message. It wasn’t her. He called her from the moment he reached the place and it was switched off ever since. He didn’t want to go away, his last chance, it could be. He wanted to see her. Capture her in his camera. For the first time and the last time. She never came. He wanted to cry. Men never cry. But sometimes they do. For women. A tear kissed his cold eyelids and he felt a tinge on his face. He finally began to feel cold. His café latte had already gone cold. He looked around and everybody had gone to warmer places inside the building. He was the only one sitting outside that cold evening. He felt cold. Lonely. Helpless. Lovelorn. Dead. He sent her a reply, “Goodbye”. “Hi! Can I sit here?”, someone asked as he pressed the Send button. He looked up to see a spring stand right before him that winter. Spring in winter? Even before his mind could analyze, “Hi! I’m Mansi”, she said and sat with him with a steamy cup of mocha.

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The White Board

2007-10-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

Thank you for reading Coffee and Stories! I’m thrilled to know how much you like the stories in this blog. Sometimes I am taken by surprise (pleasant at that) when I see my own stories circulated in email forwards and posted on company blogs (intranet). I would be doubly excited if you could leave a link back to my blog if you are posting my stories on any public forum. Thank you!

Continue to read stories with a HUGE mug of coffee!
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Siddarth loosened his seatbelt and looked out of the window. New Jersey was fading behind him. It was 6 years since he had landed there with a hope to get higher education, a decent job, and the determination never to get back to home country. It had taken him 6 years to dissolve his pride and go back home, to where he belonged, to where nobody would be waiting; at least that is what he had thought all those years. He put on his headphones and switched on the in-flight entertainment system. The stewardess pulled over a trolley of food and drinks.

“Anything to drink or eat sir?” she asked.

“Just coffee” he said and continued to scan through the movie list.

The stewardess placed the coffee on the tray and moved ahead. The movie list wasn’t impressive. He decided to listen to music and finally compiled a favorite collection. He sank in and closed his eyes forgetting the steamy coffee before him.
It was on that coffee table that his parents had broken the news to him. 6 years ago, on a rainy evening, at the coffee table. His mind whirled back in time.

“Can you pass on those cookies?” Siddarth asked.

His mom pushed the tray towards him. As Siddarth stretched to pull the tray to his side, he looked at his mom whose eyes were welling up. He looked at his dad as his grip on the tray loosened and he sat back on his chair. His dad was running his finger over the rim of the coffee cup. He seemed to be in a contemplative mood.

“What happened mama?” Siddarth asked as he placed back the cookie on the tray and dusted off his hands.

She did not respond. Siddarth looked at his dad hoping he would come to his rescue to understand the drama that was about to be enacted.

There was silence for a while. Siddarth took a cookie from the tray and began to eat it as he took frequent sips of the coffee. Once the coffee cup was empty and his stomach was full, he got up to leave.

“Siddarth” his dad finally spoke. Maybe they had waited for him to relish the coffee in peace, one last time in that house.

“Yes papa. Please tell me what is happening,” Siddarth sat on the chair again.

His mom pulled her chair close to Siddarth and placed her hand over his hair. Siddarth squirmed and moved away from her touch. It had been few years since she showed such love by touching him and ruffling his hair.

His dad did not move from his place and did not look at Siddarth’s eyes that were to be hurt.

“We need to tell you something. Your mama and I have decided on something which definitely needs your attention. We definitely want to listen to your opinion as well. I want you to take this slowly so that we all get out of this unhurt” his dad said as he took a sip of the coffee. He needed to gulp down caffeine to spit the venom at ease on Siddarth.

“What is it?” Siddarth was irritated.

“Your mama and I are going to file a divorce” he said not looking at Siddarth. His mom’s hand gripped his thigh as if to take away the instant shock.

“Sir? Can I take away the coffee cup?” the stewardess asked Siddarth. He jolted out of his sleep. His reality.

“Sure,” he said and handed over the cold coffee back to the stewardess. He took off the headphones and placed it inside the pouch before him. He looked out again and saw the dark horizon. He closed his eyes again, forcing himself to think of that rainy evening.

Siddarth looked at his dad who wouldn’t look at him in his eyes. He waited for a few moments and then looked at his mom whose eyes were a pool of tears. Siddarth couldn’t understand what was happening. He kept looking at his parents. His mom was over-reacting and his dad wasn’t reacting at all. Siddarth looked down at the coffee table, at his own reflection. He tried hard to understand the situation. A million things burst out of his mind. He was angry. Helpless. Lost. Hurt. Deceived. Confused. A million emotions surfaced that moment and he had difficulty in expressing even one of them. He clasped his hands that were beginning to shiver. His dad knew Siddarth was beginning to react to the situation. Siddarth quickly stood up, as if to draw back from a war violently. His chair fell back on him and he kicked it aside. He ran up the stairs, rushed into his room and slammed the door behind. That was all he could muster to do. His parents sat there looking at the closed door. It was as if he had closed his life on them. Forever.

“Give him some time. We will talk to him after dinner” his dad said and walked outside the house for a walk in the lawn.

His mom sat there looking at the empty coffee cups. Her cup was still on the table full of coffee. Cold, with a thin skim that Siddarth had always hated. She pulled all the cups together thinking about her family that was already in splits. She cleaned the cookie crumbles on the table, while her son was crumbling within in his room.

Siddarth stood at the window, holding the bars and staring into the cold evening. The rains had stopped, not wanting to add gloom to his already bemused life. He saw his dad walk into the lawns. His dad stood beside the garden chair and looked up at Siddarth’s window. Their eyes met finally. His dad’s eyes conveyed that there was a lot of talking to be done. Siddarth drew the curtains together disapproving it. He fell back on his bed and looked at their family picture beside his bed. He wanted to quickly grab it and throw it outside the window so that it lands at his dad’s feet. Instead he pulled it close and tried to recollect the moment that picture was clicked. His eyes finally gave up on him. He broke down like a child. He wanted someone beside him to comfort him. All he had was the photo. His real comforts in life were already transforming into memories.

Four hours later. Siddarth did not come out of his room to the dinner table while his parents were waiting for him in silence. His dad knocked at his door but there wasn’t any response from inside.

“Siddarth, please come out. Please talk to us. We can sort this out,” his dad said.

Siddarth opened the door and walked down to the dining table. He did not acknowledge his parent’s presence. He served himself with some generous quantity of food and took it to his room and locked the doors. Few minutes later he walked down with the empty plate. Later he pulled out the ice cream tub from the freezer, dug out 3 scoops of his favorite butterscotch ice cream and sank into the couch. He switched on the television.
His dad sat beside him glaring at the television which was staring back at him.

“How long can we go on like this?” his dad began the conversation that was to decide their fates that night.

“How long? How long were you contemplating a divorce? Ever since I was born?” Siddarth asked in a tone that was spitting anger.

“Things weren’t going too well between me and your mama. We pulled it along. She wants to walk out of my life”

“And you made that decision for me” his mom rose her defensive voice.

“Not that you wanted to stay with me. With us forever. You wanted to go with your life with Varun”

“Varun? What?” Siddarth was at loss of words.

There was silence. Everything fell into place.

“I’m 21. My parents decide to split when am 21. My mama wants to go away with a man she had been seeing during her college days. My dad wants to send her away from his life. My parents want a divorce. DIVORCE. F*uck” Siddarth was trembling.

His dad placed his arm around him as if to comfort a friend in distress. Siddarth moved away. He wanted his space to handle the situation by himself.

“Why at 21? Why not when I was a kid? I would have grown up to forget about your divorce. I would have grown up to be someone else. I would have just had mama or papa or new mama or papa” Siddarth broke down. The ice cream bowl fell from his hand.

“Something to drink sir?” the stewardess asked Siddarth. He was hungry. He had hated Butterscotch ever since that night.

“Yes, I’m terribly hungry” he said. The stewardess pulled out a tray of assorted eatables and gave it to him with a wide smile.

“Thank you. And some coffee. Very very strong” he returned her smile.

“Now what do you want me to do?” Siddarth asked wiping his tears.

There was silence.

“Go away from this place? Tell my friends that my parents are happily divorced. Tell the world that I love my life”

“Please stay calm Siddarth” his mom said. He did not want to look at her.

“We are filing our papers tomorrow. Everything should be over in a couple of weeks” his dad confirmed.

“What happens to me in a couple of weeks? Am I still your son? Or is there any law that lets you disown me as well?”

“You are 21. You can decide to stay with me or mama, or both. It is your life and you are always our son. My son” his dad said.

“How much time do I have?” Siddarth asked.

“You can let us know before we file our papers. We need to make your statement clear while filing our papers” his dad said.

“That gives me less than 12 hours. Thanks” Siddarth said and picked the ice cream bowl from the floor.

He walked to the kitchen and placed the bowl in the sink.

“Come with me Siddarth. I know I’ve made this decision for me. For us. Your dad never let me be in peace. He always talked about Varun. Every night I went to sleep crying, thinking of a life that never was. I’ve had enough and I reached my threshold” his mom said from behind. She was putting the utensils in place.

“I don’t care about your blame game. I’m not the judge to tell you if you are at fault or if dad did something wrong. You both have already decided to move on with different lives. You both have left me in a fork road. I was dreaming of a career. Now you have let me dream of a new life” Siddarth said in a voice pregnant with anguish.

“Mama will take care of you dear” she began to cry.

“Stop crying mama. It is not going to help anyone. At least tonight go to sleep with no tears. You are almost free to go with your life”

Siddarth walked into his room, locked it behind, and fell on his bed. He did not switch on the lights or the fan. He slept beside the open window. He was trembling again. He felt drained. He wanted to puke. He wanted to cry but couldn’t. He wanted to sleep, he tried. Finally, he fell asleep at 5 in the morning. He had made his decision about his life.

He woke up late in the morning with a smile. He then realized the reality and his face shrunk. The smile flew away through the open window. An hour later, he walked down after his shower. His parents were waiting for him. They had already dressed to go to the court. Siddarth had his breakfast alone. He should be getting used to that. Few minutes later they were in the car. No one had spoken a word. His parents were waiting to hear his decision. Siddarth was not ready to start the conversation.

“I’ve made my decision” Siddarth finally broke the awkward silence.

His parents were eager but they remained silent waiting for him to utter the words that will change their lives.

“I’ve decided to be with papa” Siddath said.

His mama turned away and looked out of the window. His dad looked at her through the rear view mirror with a jubilant smile.

“There isn’t much reason to be happy papa. I chose to stay with you, just because of financial needs. I still have a bit of time to settle down with a career. Until then I definitely need your financial assistance. That is the only reason I chose to live with you”

The smile on his dad’s face was lost, forever.

His mom looked at him in the same rear view mirror. His eyes were hurt and she had never wanted to see that.

“Once I’m ready to carry on my life by myself, I will go away, with my life. Until then I want…. your money” Siddarth spoke and daggers flew out of his mouth, hitting his dad one after the other.

There was continued silence from his parents.

“Is that fine with you papa?” he asked looking at his dad.

His dad nodded his head in approval.

“Anything son. I will be beside you”

“Thank you”, Siddarth said. Those were the last words that he had mentioned to his dad in those 6 years.

“Thank you” he said as the stewardess took away his plate and coffee cup.

Siddarth wanted to stretch a bit and he walked down the aisle. There was none that he knew on the flight, which was unusually less booked that day. He picked a magazine on the way back to his place. He sank into his seat and opened the magazine. He spotted an advertisement on desktop PCs and beside the picture of a desktop was a white board. It conveyed something like white boards replaced with PCs at that educational institution. Siddarth was reminded of the white board at his house. The board that he had placed at the dining room.

“Siddarth! Siddarth!” his dad called out to him.

Siddarth walked down and looked at his dad.

“What is this white board doing in the dining room?”

Siddarth had not spoken to his dad ever since that drive to the court a week ago. His mom had left the house the very next day. Siddarth walked to the white board, picked the black marker and wrote, “I don’t see a difference between this board and you. I prefer communicating to the board”. He placed the marker beside the board and walked back to his room. From that day, the white board became the medium between his dad and him to communicate. He would write something and his dad would reply beside that. Most of the times, it was his dad who wrote expecting Siddarth to speak to him soon.
One month later, when Siddarth’s dad walked into the house after an office party, he saw the white board.

“I’ve got my admission at the Princeton University and I want to go in a week. I’ve managed to get a scholarship, but I need more money. Will repay when I can”

“Siddarth! Come here!” his dad screamed. Siddarth walked down to the dining room.

“What is this?” his dad screamed. Siddarth felt the stench of liquor in the room and decided to get back to his room, not wanting to have an argument that will not take him anywhere.

“You are not going anywhere. You are going to be with me always” his dad said and rubbed the white board. On second thoughts he pushed the board down.
Siddarth silently walked up the stairs and locked his room leaving behind his dad who was screaming.

Next day, when his dad walked out of his room, he saw the white board in place again. He remembered what had happened the previous night and felt sorry. He read what was written on the board.

“I’m going in a week. It is ok if you don’t give me money, I will have to ask mama”

His dad walked into his room, pulled out a blank cheque and placed it on the table.

He wrote on the board, “Take as much as you want, but please don’t go”

Later that evening, Siddarth had taken the cheque and replied, “Thank you papa, the money means a lot, if not our family. I’ve booked my air tickets for friday night”

“You are leaving me alone. Please don’t go” his dad had replied.

“Sorry papa. Good bye” those were the last words that Siddarth had written on that white board.

His dad left behind many messages on the board, which Siddarth read and never replied. On Friday evening, he saw the message from his dad, one last time.

“Good luck son. I will be at the airport tonight”

Few hours later, Siddarth got off the cab and pulled his bags together at the terminal. He looked around for his dad. He wasn’t there. He did not wait. He checked-in his bags and began to walk towards the security check. Just then he spotted a frantic man running with a placard. He turned around to see his dad with a placard.

“Sorry! Am late from work. Good luck. Love you and will wait for you”

Siddarth’s hand instantly raised to bid adieu, but he forcefully pulled his hand down and walked away, leaving behind a man who was to wait for him, for a very long time. He did not look back until he reached the security check-in gate. Few minutes later he was waiting at the gate. He was restless and wanted to talk to his dad very badly. He wanted to hug him and feel the security that he had given him all those years. He walked beside the eat outs and looked down. He saw the entrance to the International Terminal with a lot of people waiting to see off their loved ones. He looked around to see if his dad was in the crowd. He looked beyond and then spotted him, with the placard. Siddarth tapped the glass, crying within and calling for his dad. He pulled out his mobile to call his dad, and later realized he had left the SIM card back in his room. He pulled himself out of that spot and walked to the gate that was open.

“…will be landing in about 10 minutes…” Siddarth woke up to listen to the captain. The flight was to land in few minutes. He was going to feel his home country after 6 years, although a short span of time, he felt he had grown far more mature and indifferent to everything around. He had no clue if his papa still lived in that house. He had decided to go there anyways to find out. He wanted to see his room. He wanted to see his papa. He wanted to know about his mama. He wanted to see the white board. He thought it would have been removed. Maybe there was someone else. Maybe his papa had married someone else who would have removed that white board and taken his room as well. Million thoughts escaped out of his mind as the flight landed on the runway with a jolt.
Siddarth did not want to get off the flight. As people were spilling out, he sat there trembling.

“Is there a problem, Sir?” the stewardess asked. He looked around and realized that everybody had left the aircraft.

“No” he said, grabbed his bag and stepped out. The passenger buses had left and he stood at the tarmac with security personnel, waiting for the next bus to take him. The smell of his city, that evening, brought back pungent nostalgia of the night he had taken off from the same terminal. The night when he wanted to talk to his papa, but never managed to.

As he sat inside the bus, he kept looking at the huge aircraft that was fading before him. He wanted to quickly jump out of the bus, rush into the aircraft, and fasten his seatbelts, so that he can go back to New Jersey and live there forever.

A couple of hours later, he was in a cab, on his way to his papa’s house. His heart was racing. “What if there was someone else in that house? What if his dad was living with someone else? What if there was no one in that house? Where will I find papa? What if the white board is still there? What if I don’t go to that house at all?” his mind was searching for answers to all those questions.

He reached the house in an hour. He got off the cab and pulled out his bags. He stood outside the huge locked doors. He looked intently at the house, which had faded over the years. It had lost its sheen, but something about it was still fresh. Siddarth then realized it was the memories that seemed to be floating around. He looked at his room’s window, which were closed. The curtains were now darker. Someone had changed it. His heart was beating faster. He was hesitant to walk closer to the closed door. As he walked further, the security guy walked out and stood there motionless.

“Siddarth!” he exclaimed. It was the same security guy in all those 6 years. At least he hadn’t changed. Siddarth walked in, leaving the bags behind for the security guy to bring. He did not dare to ask him any questions – if papa was home, or if this house was someone else’s. He wanted to find all the answers himself. He looked around at the lawn and realized that it was well maintained. Someone lives in this house that takes care of it, he thought.

He stood outside the closed wooden door. He was unsure what to do, how to handle the situation. He turned around and saw the security guy pull his bags. He wanted to run out of the house and never return again. He looked back, mustered courage, and pressed the doorbell. Nobody opened the door. His heart was sinking. He turned back to look at the security guy, hoping he would help him with the answers. Instead, the security guy flashed a vibrant smile. Someone opened the door and Siddarth turned back at the door quickly.

[Ending - Version 1]

An old woman stood there with a perplexed look. Siddarth returned the same look. The old woman saw the security guy with the bags.

“Do you want to see someone?” she asked.

Siddarth remained silent and his eyes ran inside the house while his feet stood at the door.

“Siddarth!” someone screamed from inside and ran out.

Siddarth was surprised to see his mama. She had dropped the bowl of flour on the floor and ran outside the house frantically. Her hands were trembling and she hugged him with tears brimming in her eyes. She kissed him all over. Siddarth did not respond to any of her gestures. He stood there motionless, still searching for something. Someone. His questions weren’t answered yet. More questions thronged his mind like vermin.

Just then his dad ran out hearing his mama’s hues and cries of joy. He froze at the door. Siddarth wanted to run to him and hug him. Instead he stood there closing all those questions on his mind. He wanted to bury all those questions and worries in a coffin, lock them up, and throw the key into the Indian Ocean. His dad did not move. They kept looking at each other.

“Your mama came back to this house. For you and me” his dad uttered. Siddarth did not look at his mama.

“She never wanted to go with Varun. I realized my mistake” his dad continued.

“And I realized mine too. I shouldn’t have walked out of this house and family” his mom assured.

Siddarth couldn’t believe what was happening at the doorstep.

“We tried all ways possible to trace you. We did find you through your college. We just gave you your time” his dad said.

“And you have taken 6 years. We were waiting” his mom said as she rubbed his arms.

Siddarth’s eyes welled up. He ran and buried himself in his dad’s bosom. He did not want to get away from that hug, from that house. His mom moved close to them. Siddarth hugged her and broke down like a little kid who had come back from the hostel for summer vacations.

Siddarth walked into the dining room and looked at the white board, which stood there like a monument. It was clean. He turned around and looked at his dad.

“I didn’t know if you would need it or not when you come back. We just left it there. Whenever we wanted to talk to you, we would write some random notes on it. Sometimes we would laugh at it too” his dad said and smiled.

Siddarth looked at the white board. He took the black marker and wrote, “I’m home for Diwali papa and mama. I just want to spend every diwali with you both, always”

He turned around and said, “Happy Diwali”
[End of Version 1]

[Ending - Version 2 (which was the original choice!)]

A woman stood there with a perplexed look. Siddarth returned the same look. The old woman saw the security guy with the bags.

“Siddarth?” she seemed to have recognized him.

Siddarth remained silent and his eyes ran inside the house while his feet stood at the door.

“Come in” she said.

Siddarth did not react. He was still waiting to see someone familiar. He stepped into the house and looked around. Almost everything was in place, nothing much had changed ever since he left that house. He walked into the dining room and looked at the white board, which stood there like a monument. It was clean. He looked around for signs of his dad. He was angry seeing a lady in that house. A stranger to him but not for his papa, he thought. He wanted to storm out of the house and not come back again.

Just then his dad walked down.

“Who is it?” he asked the woman not seeing Siddarth beside the white board.

“Siddarth” she replied looking at Siddarth.

His dad stood there motionless at the last step of the staircase. The woman walked to him and held his hand.

Siddarth picked the black marker beside the white board and wrote frantically, “I never wanted to come back to this house. I made a mistake by coming here”. He sat at the coffee table and missed his mom that moment.

“I never wanted to come back to this house. I made a mistake by coming here”, the lady read those words from the white board.

Siddarth was angered. “Are you mocking at my words?” he asked.

Silence fell upon that moment. His dad walked down to the table and sat beside Siddarth. He gently placed his hand over Siddarth.

“Thank you for coming back” he said in a hushed tone choking with emotions.

“Your papa cannot read this white board anymore. He recently lost his eyesight because of diabetes which went unattended,” the woman said.

“He never wanted to remove this white board. He said you would come one day and write again,” she continued.

Siddarth looked at his dad, into his eyes.

“Sorry papa. I should have known”, he wrote on the white board.

“Sorry papa. I should have known” the lady read from the board.

His dad smiled.

“You still don’t want to talk to me. I’m glad I retained the white board for you” his dad said.

“Sorry papa. I should have known” Siddarth ran and buried himself in his dad’s bosom. He did not want to get away from that hug, from that house.
[End of Version 2]

------------------------------------

Which ending did you prefer? Or you got another one to share?

Go Away, Rain. Rain.

2007-09-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

I plugged in my iPod earplugs and switched it on, flung my laptop bag around my shoulder like a sling bag and walked to the elevator. I decided to walk home that evening from work, instead of taking the usual cab. Blamed my decision on the weather. It was going to rain any moment and I wanted to walk the 3 kilometers enjoying the evening. The huge glass doors opened automatically as I walked to the door. A strong whiff of fresh air hit my face. It was such a relief. This walk will give me the time to feel fresh air that was pregnant with moisture, I thought as the journey to my house began.

There were puddles of water everywhere. It must have rained a few hours ago and I was completely oblivious to it sitting inside the office. People seemed to be back on track with their usual evening chores. I walked carefully so that I did not step on the slush. I kept a watch on the racing two-wheelers who were heroic enough to splash the slush on me generously. I walked into a small lane that led me to the main road. This road was narrow with no traffic and I had hardly taken that tiny street earlier. As I walked into it, the first thing to hit me was the strong smell of freshly fried samosas and chenna. I was tempted to stop at that eatery to grab some samosas and relish them with spicy masala chenna. It seemed like the perfect thing to eat that wet evening. A tea would have complemented the serving, but I continued walking. The thought of getting drenched in the rain kept me away from temptations – simple things in life.

A group of school kids were walking at the other side of the road. Maybe they were heading to their tuition classes. Everyone had a bag that could have weighed more than my laptop bag, or maybe more than 3 laptop bags. Each of those over-weight bags had an umbrella sticking out. Different colors of umbrellas. As I walked further, I saw a bunch of noisy boys standing under the street lamp. The flying ants swarmed under the light below which they were having conversations over nothing. Someone would say something and the whole gang would be splits. It brought back fresh memories of college days and those nonsensical conversations that went on for hours. I moved on. Beyond memories. Beyond the noisy conversations.

I walked by a small temple. I heard the chants from inside. I wanted to rush inside and say a quick Hi to Lord Ganesha. The thought of rain hit me and just then the sky rumbled. Maybe it was a sign. I began to walk faster. I was getting close to the busy main road. A tiny drop of water fell on my nose. I thought it was from nowhere and dismissed the idea of rain. Rain meant a drenched me, a drenched laptop, a drenched ipod, and a drenched mobile phone. I should act fast to save them all if the sky breaks open. Just as these thoughts ran on my head, the sky had different plans. The dark clouds loomed over my head and finally they gave up. Huge drops of water began to hit me and it hurt. I felt the droplet strong enough to tear my skin. I walked faster and I was almost on the main road when it began to rain heavily. I quickly looked around for an autorick but none at sight. I quickly climbed the stairs of a shutdown electrical shop on the main road. It rained heavily and the visibility of the road was almost as bad as my frantic mind. I stood there like a stranded passenger on a railway platform. People were running helter-skelter for shelter. The traffic on the main road was nearly empty. There were few cars and occasionally there were city buses and autoricks. The rain seemed like it wouldn’t cease for a couple of hours.

I looked around and there was nobody in sight near the shop and it was gloomy. Just then a lady ran towards the steps from the lane that I had walked. She had an umbrella with her, yet she couldn’t walk in that torrential rain. She folded her umbrella and drained the water from it. She turned and looked at me as if I were some hi-tech robber. I turned away not wanting to give her ideas. She pulled out her mobile and made a call frantically.

“I’m stuck in the rain. I’m not able to walk on the road. It is raining heavily. Where are you? Come and pick me up?” she whined.

It must have been her husband or boyfriend.

I looked at her again and she returned my looks after hanging up on the call. I immediately turned to the other side. I looked down at the stairs that I was standing and decided to sit. As I sat down and looked to the right I was thrown aback to see a man sitting next to me. He was sitting a few steps away but the sight of him startled me. I didn’t see him come and sit there. Or maybe he was there already and I didn’t notice him in the darkness. It was a creepy moment. I sat down silently and looked intently at him. He was looking at me and I could see his white eyes on me. He was shabbily dressed in a dirty brown shirt and dark brown torn pants that were folded close to his knees. He seemed like a homeless person. His hair was dirty and unkempt and his teeth were tainted and protruding. I looked away from him and stared at the water that was stagnating at the last step. As and when the wind blew strongly, the rain lashed on the steps and I quickly withdrew my leg every time. A few moments later, I slowly turned my head towards the right to see what the man was doing. He was still looking at me and I was beginning to have doubts about him. I brought the laptop bag close to me fearing he might just grab it. My mobile’s ring tone threw me off the guard. I frantically pulled it out from my pocket.

Mansi calling...

“Hey Mansi!” I said.

“Where are you?”

“Decided to walk home. Now outside a shop, sitting on the third step, close to getting drenched, bitten by mosquitoes and amidst two strangers” I said and then heaved a sigh.

“Must be fun!” she teased.

“There is this weird looking guy sitting here and he is freaking me out” I kept talking to her as I was staring at the water that was running down the last step.

“Why? Is he giving you signals?” she laughed.

“No, he looks like a homeless guy. Maybe he is looking to loot my things” I said in a worried tone.

“Don’t be stupid. Maybe he is just looking to get some money from you”

“Whatever. I just hope the rain stops soon so that I can get home early”

“I got to go now. Will call back” she said hurriedly and hung up.

I looked to the right to see the guy sitting close to me now. He had moved closer when I was on the phone. I hugged the laptop bag close to me and tugged the iPod into the bag. I turned to the left to see the woman and she was gone leaving me behind with this dirty looking man.

He asked something which I could not understand. His voice was garbled. He spoke like a mentally imbalanced person.

“What?” I asked with my hand almost on a defensive posture.

“Where are you going?” he asked. I understood that myself.

“Gandhi Nagar” I said.

He replied something and I couldn’t understand. I turned away and looked at the main road to spot some autorick.

He said that again showing the city bus. Later I realized that he was trying to tell me that the bus would stop at Gandhi Nagar and that I might want to take it to reach home. I did not respond. I remained silent. He turned away, but kept looking at me time and again. I could sense that by the way his head turned around completely towards where I was sitting. I was hungry and thought I should grab the sandwich in my bag. I looked at him. Should I offer him too? Just as thoughts about food reeled in my head, the guy next to me rolled out his shirt and pulled out a plastic cover. He took a mango from the cover. I was skeptical about what he was going to do next. What if he offered me the mango? I would be embarrassed. He began to eat the overly ripe mango. It seemed almost rotten. I squirmed. I pulled out the sandwich from my bag and ate it. Just then a car swooshed by splashing water close to where we were sitting. I saw a kid sitting inside clapping at the splashed water and then he saw us as the car went by. I was wondering what the kid would have thought. There was a software engineer sitting on the dirty steps and eating a sandwich. Beside the software engineer was a homeless man eating rotten mango.

By the time I was done with my sandwich, the guy was done with his mango too. He flung the mango seed on the pool of water. I pulled out a paper from the bag and wiped my hands. The guy stood up and walked to the last step. He put his hands under the rain and washed his hands and mouth. I wondered why that never struck me, to use the pure water from the sky to wash my hands. He sat beside me again. I was getting impatient with the rain and stood up to see if any autorick went by. There were none. I looked down at the guy and he was staring at my bag. I quickly lifted the bag and flung it on my shoulders. I couldn’t step down as the water would ruin my shoes and my pants. I saw an autorick in the distance and called for it. The driver could not hear me. I clapped my hands but in vain. I sat down on the steps again. The guy next to me got up and ran into the rain. He stopped the autorick on the road and brought it to where I was sitting. I stood there with a surprised look on my face. The guy smiled at me. I saw a five rupee note in his shirt pocket that was visible through his drenched shirt. I pulled out a twenty rupee note from my wallet and gave it to him. He smiled and declined my offer.

“Please take it” I said with a smile.

“Can I listen to that only once?” he asked me.

I wasn’t sure what he was asking. Then I looked at my bag and saw one of the earplugs of my iPod sticking out. I immediately pulled it out and placed them on his ears and switched on my iPod. His eyes glistened in joy as the music flowed into his ears. I looked at the autorick driver and he returned an amused look. The guy pulled it out from his ears and gave it to me.

“Now take this” I said and thrust the twenty rupee note in his hand.

He looked at the driver and said something which I couldn’t understand properly.

“What did he tell?” I asked the driver as we were on our way.

“He asked me to drive carefully because the roads were bad”

I smiled. He was a very simple man. Appearances can be deceptive, the thought that I was taught in school made sense to me at that moment.

Mansi calling...

“Hey! That guy was a very nice guy. He was the one who got me an autorick and I just reached home” I said to Mansi as I paid the driver. The autorick immediately turned around and fled in the rain as I ran into the house.

“Poor guy. You are paranoid about everything in life” Mansi laughed.

“I guess so, including you. Today seems to be a nice day of meeting nice people. I just realized that I gave ten rupees short of money to the autorick driver and he just left without asking for it” I said as I sat on the couch and removed my shoes.

“Touchwood”

“Holy Shit!”, I said and ran to the street.

“What happened?” Mansi screamed on the phone.

I did not respond. I was frantically looking around. The autorick was gone.

“What is it?” Mansi asked.

“My laptop bag is gone. I left it in the auto. And it is gone”

“Maybe the driver will come back and give it to you”

“I don’t think so. He just fled and I know it. It is gone”

_The End_

the Expiry Date

2007-08-13T03:16:00.000-07:00

“Hi! It is me, Mansi!” she said in a hushed tone.

“Mansi?” Siddarth wasn’t sure.

“Yes! Mansi” she confirmed.

“Ho… where are you calling from?” Siddarth asked.

“Right here, in our city. I came to India last week” she said.

“How have you been?” his voice mellowed.

“I’ve been good. Where are you now?”

“I’m still at work”

“Would you want to catch up for dinner tonight?”

“Sure. That would be great”

-------------------------

One and a half years ago.

“I have to go in a week” Siddarth said as he hugged Mansi from behind.

She did not respond. She kept cutting the vegetables.

“You don’t want me to go?” he asked as he moved away to the refrigerator. She walked over to the steaming cooking pan and emptied the vegetables into it.

“It is an important project that will boost my career” he continued.

“You seem to have decided it already. Do I have a choice?” she asked.

He was silent as he pulled out the green apples from the fridge. He walked over to the sink and washed the apples.

“How long will you be gone?” she asked.

“Quite sometime” he said.

“Like how long? Didn’t you understand my question?” Siddarth knew she was angry.

“A couple of years. But I will be coming down quite often”

“Ah! Like that is a consolation for the whole am-leaving-you-alone act” she sat down on the chair beside the dining table, with tears brimming in her eyes.

Siddarth placed the knife on the table and got up from the chair. He walked over to Mansi and sat on his knees beside her. He held her hand tightly and looked up at her. She was staring at the apples that were half-cut.

“What about us?” she asked as tears fell down her eyes.

“What about us? I’m not going away forever and am not going away with someone else. Why are you asking such questions?” Siddarth raised his voice.

“Don’t you think you can get offensive to defend yourself” she stood up in rage and pulled the chair away.

“I’m not getting offensive here. It is a very simple thing. I’m going away on work to a different country, that doesn’t mean I’m quitting our relationship”

“Then what happens to me? Sit here before my laptop and wait for your emails, check for the most economical way to call you every night and day, wait for you to come online and chat for hours, and look at your pics and believe that my prince charming is coming soon?” she was hysterical.

“Do you think it is going to be easy for me? I’m going to go through all of that as well” he stood up.

“Just give me some time. Maybe I need to take it in and understand that this is what reality is all about” she said.

“I guess so”

“But when are you going to talk to your parents about us?” she asked wiping her tears.

“As soon as I come down in a few months” he promised.

She did not respond. She continued to cook.

“Maybe you should leave now” she said without looking back at him.

He stopped cutting the apples and looked at her. In a while she heard the door slam behind.

-----------------------------

Siddarth was waiting for Mansi at their favorite Mexican restaurant. He was dressed in blue denim and a black shirt. He kept looking out of the window and at the road, time and again. He was curious to see how Mansi looked after a year of living in Australia.

“Hi Siddarth!” Mansi said from behind. He quickly turned around not expecting her from behind. His eyes widened. Mansi was stunning and he froze.

“wow” his lips uttered effortlessly. “Oh I mean…” he stammered.

She sat down and placed her handbag beside her on the table.

“I’m sorry, I’m late” she said.

“Not a problem”

“Why are you giving me those dirty looks?” she asked with a naughty smile.

He was embarrassed.

“You look absolutely stunning and I’m awed” he admitted and felt at ease after blurting that out.

She smiled back and said, “You look the same, except for your receding hairline”.

“I guess so” he smiled.

------------------------------------

Siddarth sat on the couch with his laptop. He wasn’t sure of what he was reading on his monitor. It was Mansi’s mail. She had wanted to breakup with him as the long distance relationship did not work for her. He kept reading the email time and again. The last few lines read,

“I’ve tried. A lot. It is time that I move on. I’m leaving to Australia once my visa formalities are over. I’m moving ahead with my life. Just like you did”

He immediately picked up the phone and dialed her number. She did not answer the call. He kept trying until he fell asleep on the couch. He woke up the next morning. He had received another email from her.

“I hope you will make this easy for me. Do not call me again”

Siddarth was angered. He dialed her number again. She had disconnected the service. He frantically typed a reply. He read through it again and deleted it. He closed his laptop just like she had closed the doors on him.

----------------------------------------

“Seems like ages” Mansi said.

“Yea” Siddarth said as his eyes searched her fingers.

“I’m not married” she confirmed clasping her hands together.

He looked up at her hiding his own hand.

“How did you know I was in India?” he asked.

“Prithvi told me. He was the one who gave me your number”

“I didn’t expect you to call”

“I didn’t expect either. Thought it was quite a long time”

“Yea. The last I remember about you is your email of breaking free” he sipped his glass of wine.

She returned a cynical smile as she placed the wine glass on the table.

“Do we have to talk about it? After almost a year?” she asked.

He did not respond.

“I’m engaged” he said as he comfortably placed his hand on the table. She saw the ring on his hand.

“Congratulations” she said forcing a smile through her lips.

He remained silent.

“Isn’t this silence so awkward?” she asked.

“If I had a choice, I would have just carried you and taken you to my apartment”

She laughed.

“I mean it. Forever”

She knew he was being serious.

“I would have loved to” she said in a hushed tone.

Siddarth did not expect that response.

They walked out of the restaurant after a while.

“Walk a bit?” she asked.

“I got a better idea! Let us take the train” he said.

“Where to? To the last station and take the next train back to town”

“Are you mad?” she was laughing.

“I guess so. Please! Just once”

She obliged.

“This is crazy” she said as she rubbed shoulders with him in the packed train compartment.

“Do you want to go stand by the door?”

“No way!”

He pulled her up and they waded through the crowd to the door. He held her by her waist as they stood there at the door, letting the cool breeze ransack their bodies.

As the train pulled into one of the stations, they got down to let people get in. As the train started again, Mansi stepped onto the train and looked back. Siddarth was searching for something on the ground.

“Siddarth!” she called out to him.

He picked the ticket from the ground and saw the train moving faster. Mansi panicked and screamed for his name. Siddarth ran towards her but the train had gathered speed. He saw the fear in Mansi’s eyes as she was screaming for him. He quickly managed to get into one of the compartments. Mansi lost sight of him and didn’t see him get into the train.

At the next station, Siddarth got off the train and ran frantically to her compartment. People were emptying out of that compartment and in a while it was nearly empty. He hopped in to see her sitting on the last row. He sat beside her and she did not look at him. He rubbed shoulders with her and said, “Were you terrified?”.

She did not respond. She kept looking outside the window.

“You thought you lost me again?” he asked.

She was silent. She knew he had a different meaning to that question.

They were silent for a while. She held his hand and rested her head on his shoulder.

He did not expect that. He let her be like that. He missed Mansi more than ever before, although she was right next to him. She wasn’t his Mansi anymore. He stared at the ring on his hand.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have met” he said.

She did not respond. She knew what he meant. She moved away from him and took his hand in hers. She felt the ring on his hand.

“I didn’t have an option. I waited for you. I thought you would call or email once you settles down in Australia. You never did”

“It would have been the same story. Sitting in different parts of the world and still striving hard to work on this long distance relationship”, she said.

“You have to trust me. Our relationship. There are so many people out there living this kind of a life. They make an effort to live through it”

“But I can’t. I don’t want to live through it” she snubbed.

He did not respond.

“Tell me about her” she continued.

“Meera. Her name is Meera. I finally agreed to arranged marriage. I thought you were never coming back. It took time for me and then I decided to go in for an arranged marriage. Meera was my parent’s choice”

“You like her?”

“I don’t know. It is only a couple of weeks since we are engaged. We got another month to get along before I tie the knot”

“I’m sure it is going to work out well”

He clasped her hand tightly.

As they got out of the train,

“Why don’t you come home?” he asked as they were walking towards the car parking area.

“I don’t think it is a good idea”

“Just once. Won’t ask for more”

She smiled at him. “Yea right! This is what you said about the train trip”

“Please” he flashed a hutch puppy innocent smile.

---------------

Next day.

Siddarth woke up to find emptiness next to him. Mansi had left. He looked at the closed door. He got off the bed and walked over to the window. She must have left long while ago. He looked around the room. It still smelled of her. He fell on his bed and his bed sheet smelled of her. His hand smelled of her. Her lipstick stains were prominent on him. He felt her all over the house. They had made love the last night. They had moved around the whole house playing love games. He felt she was around. In every room. Everywhere. He couldn’t take his mind off her the whole day at work. That night when he got back home, he immediately went to the bed and pulled the quilt to smell it. The smell of her had faded but a faint smell lingered. He missed Mansi. He pulled out his mobile to call her and he got a call then. “Meera calling”. He spoke to Meera for a couple of minutes and called up Mansi as soon as he hung up on the previous call. She did not answer his call. Siddarth was reminded of her last email and their day of breakup. It was a painful memory and he felt a sting. He thought she was gone again forever. He sent her an SMS.

“Gone again?”

He received a reply from her after an hour.

“I will be”

He replied immediately. “Be mine until then”

Later that night Mansi was at his place. They were at the balcony watching the city sleep.

Ever since she had come to his place she hadn’t spoken a word. He waited patiently.

“It is ok if you don’t talk at all. Just be around” he said looking away from her.

She turned and looked at him.

“I feel guilty. I slept with a man who is already committed” she said.

“But it is all arranged. I’m not emotionally attached to her. It is all an arranged bond. I like you Mansi. That is the truth” he held her by his hands. She quickly moved out of his hold.

“This is not happening Siddarth. It can’t”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think this broken relationship can be soldered again”

“Crap! Why not try?”

“Try? You want to try hard for everything. Take life as it comes”

“But what is the point? When you desire something, won’t you try hard to get it?”

“And when you know it isn’t taking you anywhere, will you still keep trying? That would be stupid?”

“What is your point now?”

“I’m going back to Australia in a couple of weeks”

“I want you to be mine until then” he said.

“Wh… forget it” she was frustrated.

He pulled her close to him and kissed her on her lips. She did not move away from him. She let the moment linger.

“I want you to be mine until then” he said again in a hushed tone still kissing her.

She was lost in his kiss and said “I will”.

They made love to each other that night and the nights that followed.

-------------------------------

Two weeks later.

“Although I’m full of remorse, I had the best time of my life with you in these two weeks” Mansi said and she got cozy with him.

He ruffled her hair and did not speak a word. He was thinking about Meera.

“I’m happy too” he uttered finally.

“It felt good to wake up every morning and see you next to me and smell freshly brewed coffee. I loved the coffee you make for me. The coffee on your lips. I would do anything to wake up everyday, the rest of my life, just to smell that coffee” Siddarth was feeling emotional that moment.

She fell asleep silently, curled beside him.

Next morning, Siddarth woke up to find emptiness next to him. Mansi had left. He looked at the closed door. He got off the bed and walked over to the window. She must have left long while ago. He looked around the room. It still smelled of her. He fell on his bed and his bed sheet smelled of her. His hand smelled of her. Her lipstick stains were prominent on him. He felt her all over the house. This time, he did not wake up to smell coffee. He later realized that he will never wake up to smell coffee with Mansi. She was gone. She didn’t leave a word behind. He didn’t know the expiry date of their relationship. It just happened.

-----------------------------------------

Two days later.

Siddarth’s parents had come to his town as Meera’s parents had invited them for dinner. Siddarth and his parents were at Meera’s house that night. He hadn’t seen Meera after their engagement. He wasn’t ready to see her. His memories were filled with Mansi. He could still smell Mansi around him. Everywhere.

“I need to talk to you about something” Siddarth said as they were walking on the terrace.

Meera was dressed in a blue sequined saree that glittered mildly every time the lighthouse in a distance threw a ray of light on them. It was in that ray of light he got to see her face time and again. The smile seemed to have been eternally etched on her face. She was full of shyness and elegance. Her eyes were brimming with dreams of a life with him.

“Ok” she said in a hush tone and looked up at him in the darkness. She kept looking until the ray of light flashed on him. She saw him and her heart beat faster. She smiled in the darkness and he couldn’t see how pink her face had turned.

“It is about Mansi” he said and turned sideways. She saw a glimpse of his face turning towards the lighthouse.

He told her everything about Mansi. What had happened a year ago and what had happened over the past two weeks.

“It was a relationship that came back into my life. It was an unfinished tale that came with an expiry date. Just that I didn’t know the exact expiry date. She just left one fine morning” he said and looked at Meera. He waited for the light to flash on her. He quickly got a glimpse of her eyes. He wished the light froze for a while so that he could look at Meera, into her eyes and explain things. The eyes that were brimming with dreams seemed so lost. There was darkness again. She looked at him in the light. There was some kind of a search in his eyes. She wasn’t sure if the search was for Mansi or if it was for her answer.

“I don’t know how to take this forward. If you think I’ve been a complete bastard, please do what you wish to do. If you want to call off this wedding…”

“What if she comes back again after our wedding?” Meera asked.

Just then the lights on the terrace were switched on and the whole area was lit very brightly. They squinted their eyes and looked at each other. Meera’s cousins ran to the terrace to greet the to-be-couple. There was so much noise and screams and they had brought along music system to play wedding numbers. The elders joined the fun. The night grew younger, Siddarth’s heart grew wearier and Meera’s eyes grew paler. The air was filled with celebration mood, yet there was something missing.

As Siddarth and his family were leaving, he walked over to Meera who was standing at the door. She was forcing a smile through her drained face.

“I will wait for your call to know your decision” he said and walked to the car.

As Siddarth was driving back home, he received an SMS from Meera.

It read...

**********

-------------------------------

Psst: Hi! I leave the end to you this time. What do you think the SMS was about? What decision did Meera take? How will you want the ending? It is all yours this time! Go ahead and leave a comment... just that THIS tale is unfinished, but does not carry an expiry date!!

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[Updated on Sep 14, 2007]

As Siddarth was driving back home, he received an SMS from Meera.

It read...

“I need time”

He replied to the message as he was driving.

“Sure. I will wait”

Two days later Meera messaged Siddarth.

“Can we meet tomorrow?”

He called her back and they decided on the place to meet.

As they placed their orders for coffee, Siddarth looked at Meera. She pulled out a paper from her bag and gave it to him. Siddarth got it with a puzzled look.

“It is from Mansi” Meera said.

Siddarth was startled.

“She had emailed me the same night you had confessed to me about your past” Meera said.

Siddarth read the email and looked at Meera.

“She also has confessed everything. She probably thought you wouldn’t tell me anything. She has also mentioned that she was the one who came and stole few days of your life. And that you have been honest with her” Meera said.

Siddarth was waiting for her to go on.

“You have been honest with me as well. And during the days when Mansi was with you, you hardly spoke to me… and….” Meera stammered.

“You can still take your time Meera. It is my past and I will get over it. Mansi might never come back again and I can’t go on like this forever”

Meera was silent.

“This marriage will happen. I’m determined about it. We will live a life in the same house, but live it in our own terms. I will take all the time I want to decide whether I should be your wife.”

“I can’t ask for a punishment worse than this. I will go through this test of yours”

Meera was already drinking her mug of cappuccino while Siddarth still kept stirring his mug of café latte.

[The End]
-----------------------------------------------

Thank you for the different endings to this story. I've published my own ending above, however I think most of your endings were far more better and well written than mine! Thank you!

The Conch

2007-07-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This story is a stop gap serving!! Lenghty. Very! I wrote this in 2004. Almost unedited and prone to lots of mistakes ;) I took a lot of time to write this story unlike my other stories on this blog, coz I googled a lot and spoke to many people to gather information (which I've included in bits in this story). It is all about the Conch. Read on. If you have any opinion on the information shared (which is ofcourse from different sources) or have other information of your own to share, please don't hesitate!

Note: If you are intrigued by this post, read Arun's blog for some real good facts.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sea delivered the sun, with all its fervor throwing bright rays of orange filling the sky with festive spirit. A new day was born. The waves perched a kiss on the shore time and again. And then, one large wave surged to pounce on the shore. It quickly receded. It left behind a conch on the shore.

A white conch, spiraling down to the right. It gleamed. It was half buried under the sand. The next wave came and made the conch more visible, gave it more shine.

Siddarth was jogging by the shore. He jogged passed the conch. Having realized that something was hidden just to be uncovered by him, he jogged back. He looked at the half-buried conch. As he placed his hand over it, the waves rushed in as if to prevent him from picking the conch. He stood up waiting for the waves to recede. When the waves were gone he bent down to pick the conch and it wasn’t there. He looked around and it wasn’t seen anywhere. He cleared the sand at the place where he had seen the conch. His fingers ran over a smooth surface. As he dug his fingers deeper, he felt the conch. He dug harder to hold it fully and as he was grabbing it, the waves rushed in again, with more force this time.

He held the conch tightly. The waves jolted him for a moment and receded with more force as if to pull him into the sea. He had the conch in his hand. Pristine. Clean. White. The sun’s rays fell on it and the spark hit his eyes. He loved it.

He began to walk with it. He had never used a conch before nor felt it that way. He was happy to have found it and had the joy of finding a treasure. He walked home and all through he kept looking at the conch. He did not try blowing it, as it never struck him. He loved its color, its shape and the smooth surface. Something haunted him from the very first look of it.

As he walked inside the house...

“Amma, look what I found by the shore”, he showed the Conch to his mother. Thud! She dropped the bucket in her hand, on the floor.

“Shiva shiva”, she patted on her cheeks quickly as if to plead innocence.

“Why did you bring this home?” she asked sternly.

“Look how beautiful it is. I got it from the sea. It looks beautiful and I found it like a treasure.” He was proud about picking the conch and bringing it home.

“Ok. Throw it in our well now. We don’t need this in our house.”

“But why? This is just a conch. Why shouldn’t this be inside our house?” he argued.

“Stop arguing with me and listen to what I say. Throw it into the well right now”, she said and walked into the kitchen.

Siddarth walked into his room with the conch. He hid it under his pillow.

As he walked out of the house to clean his bike, he noticed the white object at the doorway. It was buried at the entrance of the house. He has been looking at that right from his childhood.

“Amma. Amma”, he called out to his mother.

“What is it now? You found a starfish? Sea horse?”

“What is this?” he asked showing the white object half buried on the floor.

“That is a small-sized conch”, she said. “Now don’t tell me you haven’t seen this before in this house”, she added.

“Why do we have this at our doorstep when you do not want to have the conch that I picked, inside the house?” he asked.

She was silent. “I’m not sure why this conch was placed at the doorstep when we built this house. It must me some kind of vaasthu shaastra”, she said.

“You can have this at the doorstep even without knowing the reason properly, but can’t I have the conch? It is so beautiful. It would have cost almost 300 rupees. I’m going to keep this at home” he was stubborn.

“You never want to listen to my words. As you grow old, you think whatever you say is right. These days young ones act like elders and treat old people like kids” his mother started the sermon.

“The same sermon… every morning… every night…. Amma, do you have something interesting to talk or whine about? Something like… oh Siddarth kanna, we are looking for a bride for you…. You can choose any girl whom you like…” sighed Siddarth.

Siddarth sat down for breakfast.

“Few years ago, when we were having a pooja at home, your dad blew the conch. We do this for every pooja at home. That day, as usual, your dad blew the conch. Our neighbor, who had just moved in, took it for a bad omen. They thought somebody passed away at our place. They informed everybody in our street. As we finished the pooja we saw a huge crowd outside our house. Some women were already wailing. From then, we never blew the conch in the house. We have one inside our pooja room. It was gifted by my parents on my wedding” his mother said as she was serving food.

Siddarth broke out laughing. “How funny can something get? Why do you have to stop blowing the conch? Just because somebody goofed up?”

As he was riding to the office, thoughts kept flowing in his mind.

“Why do they blow a conch? Why did the neighbor take it as a bad omen when my parents used it for the pooja?”

www.google.com > conch and its significance

Siddarth’s search began.

>> “Vishnu, and his conch bears the name of Panchajanya, meaning 'having control over the five classes of beings.”

>> “Arjuna's mighty conch was known as Devadatta, whose triumphant blast brought terror to the enemy”

>> “The thicker-shelled bulbous one is thought to be the male (called purusha), and the thin-shelled slender conch to be the female (called shankhini).”

>> “The smooth white conch represents the Brahmin caste; The red conch the kshatriyas (known as the warriors); The yellow conch the vaishyas (known as the merchants); The grey conch the shudras (known as the labourers)”

>> “Shells which spiral to the right in a clockwise direction are a rarity and are considered especially sacred. The right-spiralling movement of such a conch is believed to echo the celestial motion of the sun, moon, planets and stars across the heavens.”

At the lunch table…

“Varun, what do you know of a conch?”, Siddarth asked.

“The warriors of ancient India would blow conchs to announce battle. The war of Kurukshetra in the Mahabharata started with blowing of the conch”, Varun said.

At the coffee table…

"Try holding a conch shell to your ear, the sound of the ocean humming gently can be heard. It is actually the natural vibration or cosmic energy of the earth that gets magnified on entering the conch shell. These unique whorls are directed clockwise in perfect synchronization with universal harmony. That is why a conch shell is blown during sacred rites to get rid of negative energy. The vibrations from these conch shells can dispel evil forces from the earth and also clear environmental pollution including healing the hole in the ozone layer which causes global warming!", Namitha said.

That night, Siddarth went to bed early. As he switched off the light, he pulled out the conch from under his pillow. He held the conch near his ear. He heard the ocean humming. He could also vaguely make the continuous chanting of the OM mantra. He had goose bumps all over.

“Is it science or is it nature’s marvel?” he wondered.

He ran his fingers over the conch. It was smooth. He slowly ran his fingers into the conch and held it on his right hand. He brought it close to his mouth and placed his lips on the conch. With all his might he blew it. It made a weird noise and he immediately placed it under the pillow and went to sleep.

Middle of the night, he heard somebody moan beside his bed. He woke up with a start. He looked around, but nobody was visible. He looked under the bed to double check. Nobody was around. He fell on his bed again. He ran his hand under his pillow as if to hug it. He felt the conch. He held it and went to sleep.

“You have brought home a unique conch” he heard the voice again. This time he did not wake up, he closed his eyes and continued to listen to the voice.

“This conch is special, but you need to be careful. You should never blow this conch until the full moon day. If you blow the conch the evil will engulf you until death. You must blow this conch on the very next day after the full moon day. When the sun rises after the full moon night, you need to blow this conch for a miracle to happen in your life. If you do not blow this conch on the very next day…”

Knock knock. Somebody was at Siddarth’s door and the voice stopped. Siddarth pulled out the blanket and ran to the door. It was his mother.

“It is 5.30. Wake up. We need to go to the temple”, his mother said.

“Amma, I heard somebody talk to me” he gasped.

“True. It was me who just spoke to you. Get ready in 10 minutes”, she said and left.

Siddarth locked the door behind and looked around his room. The sun was yet to seep through those windows. It was still dark. He walked over to the bed and lifted the pillow. The conch was there, bright as ever.

At the temple…

“Swamiji, what do you know about a conch?” Siddarth asked the priest at the temple.

“Long, long ago, a demon named Shankhasura, whose name literally means ‘one who dwells in a conch’, sent many mud-dwelling creatures from the bottom of the sea to capture the Vedas and thus destroy their content. And as the dark waters swallowed the knowledge of the mantras, the higher values of life also sank into the depths. People forgot the difference between good and bad and could no longer distinguish between right and wrong.

The Devas, fled to Mount Kailas and hid themselves in the surrounding caves. The sages approached Lord Vishnu, the supreme force of protection and nourishment for help. Lord Vishnu took the form of a fish and vanquished Shankhasura.
This is one story that comes to my mind now”, the priest said.

“This reminds me of the elixir story. What is the real story behind the elixir which is related to the maha kumbha mela?” Siddarth was intrigued.

“Once during a time of material prosperity the higher virtues fell into decline, and as a result the elixir of life almost vanished from this earthly realm. All living beings and all aspects of nature became weak and pale. The Devas pleaded with the Creator to recharge creation with fresh vitality, but were told that the elixir of life now lay buried in the depths of the ocean. The Devas reported this to all living beings, and so it was that gods, demons, and humans of all races and faiths joined forces to find and recover the elixir. They set out to churn the entire ocean (which would cause the elixir to rise to the surface), and churn they did, laboring night and day. But to their dismay the first fruit of their labor was not the elixir they were seeking but a vial of poison so deadly that if it were released from its container it would scorch all creation. The search could not go on until this menace was removed, yet no one had the capacity or the wisdom to dispose of it except Shiva-who came forward and drank it at great risk to himself.

The churning resumed. But when the vessel containing the elixir finally appeared, everyone rushed for it, and to prevent it from falling into the hands of those who would keep it for themselves Dhanwantari, the primordial physician, snatched the vessel and fled. In maneuvering to escape, however, he dropped three drops of the elixir: one fell on the town of Ujjain, one on Nasik, and a third on Haridwar. At Prayaga Raja the crowd caught and overwhelmed Dhanwantari, and in the melee all of the elixir spilled out and disappeared as soon as it touched the ground.

Yet all was not lost. Because Prayaga Raja is a holy place, the elixir manifests its life-giving properties every twelve years when the Sun is in the House of Capricorn. And because the elixir was originally contained in a kumbha (vessel), and the land itself now serves as the vessel, this twelve-year gathering at Prayaga Raja every twelve years is called kumbha mela, "the spiritual gathering around the vessel."”, the priest narrated.

That evening…

Siddarth was with his friends Rishi, Ram, and Neha at the terrace of his house. He told them about the conch and the voice.

“Interesting. Hey, can we make a short film out of this?” Rishi was cynical.

“Shhh… don’t tease. I find it interesting. Look at Siddarth’s face. Don’t you see the brightness? Oh yeah, and the halo behind. And also, look at those eyes, some sparkles.” They broke out laughing.

Siddarth was silent. He kept looking at the sea.

“Somehow I do not want to take all the mythological references. Even the priest had interesting stories to tell. It was good to hear them but I really don’t know if it can really be true. But something tells me that the voice was true and it wasn’t just a dream. I really heard the voice. It was husky and strong”

He ran down the terrace and came back with the conch.

“Wow. It looks beautiful” Neha said as she took it from him.

“Hey, you know what, I had been to this temple called Tirukkalukundram, a Lord Shiva temple located on top of a hill. Below this hill temple is a larger Shiva temple with a tank, which is said to have healing powers. Every 12 years, a conch is found in the tank. A large collection of such conches is kept in the temple”, Rishi said.

“Maybe somebody would mark the date and drop the conch into the tank”, Ram laughed.

“Maybe, maybe not. But why should the person do it every year? He wouldn’t benefit out of that. Nobody would be paying him to do that. And after he is dead, would somebody continue to do it? No. There should be more meaningful reasons”, Neha said.

“Why don’t you try blowing the conch?” Ram asked.

All the 3 looked at Siddarth.

“You think I should. Now?” he asked.

“No Siddarth. Let us not take chances” Neha said.

“Oh come on, it is just a conch. Just by blowing it, you are not gonna die” Ram said.

“Yes Siddarth. Let us see what happens. Just blow the conch. Do you want me to do it?” Rishi said and grabbed the conch from Siddarth’s hand. He slowly placed it on his mouth.

He took it off again and “How do you blow the conch?” he asked innocently.

The other 3 hit him with whatever they had in hand.

That night at the dinner table…

“Amma, when is the next full moon day?”

“Day after tomorrow. Why?”

“Nothing. Just like that”

“In the nearby temple, sankabishekam is taking place on the full moon day at 6 PM. Do you want to come?”

“What is that now?” Siddarth asked.

“Sankabishekam is a ritual that involves the bathing of the idol with water held in conches. It is done using 108 or 1008 conches. Sankabishekam is indicated as the highest order of ritual bathing of idols in the ancient Hindu scriptures. It is said that, as the water leaves the coils of a conch and falls on the granite idol, the stone is gets a certain electrical energy. With time, the idol acquires psychic energy.” she narrated.

“So much for a conch. Phew!”

“Do you know about Kalki avatar?” his mother asked.

“Yeah. It is the last avatar of Vishnu, the 10th one technically”

“Correct. But this avatar is yet to be taken. In various avatars, Vishnu has used all weapons to destroy evil forces. Only the conch shell and the sword remain. He will use these two in the present yuga on donning the kalki avatar” she said.

“Maybe I’m the Kalki avatar. I found the conch and when I use it, miracles are going to happen” Siddarth laughed.

“So you still have the conch at home?” his mother asked.

“No amma”, Siddarth gave the innocent smile of his.

After dinner, Siddarth’s was at the terrace, with the conch in his hand. He got into a conversation with his neighbor Vinay and then noticed his neighbor’s grandmother walk over to the terrace for some fresh air. Siddarth decided to start a conversation with her about the conch.

“Conch is where Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth resides. We place rice in that conch and perform pooja to it in our pooja room. Also, in those days, the conch was used mildly to wake up the babies” as Siddarth was hearing this, he heard Vinay laughing.

“They use conch to wake up a baby? That is funny. If somebody would use a conch to wake me up I would have peed in my pants” he laughed.

“These days the kids think that all vedas, mantras, and Holy Scriptures are bogus. They do not understand that these things have helped to build the humanity. If they weren’t there, we would have still been barbarians roaming in forests. Each geographical location had a specific religion and each religion had its own preaching which has helped mankind build a better world”, she said.

“Better world? I would attribute it to science and technology and not religion” Vinay snapped.

“See. I told you. These days…”

“Is it bad to blow a conch?” Siddarth asked.

“No. In most Hindu households, the conch is blown three times a day to the chant of Gayatri Japa. It is good to have a conch at home”, she said.

Late at night, Siddarth was still at the terrace. He looked at the empty streets and the sleeping city. He could hear the waves although he couldn’t see the sea. He was curious to blow the conch.

“Would something really happen if I blow the conch? Will I die? Will it cause any mishap to my people, this city? What am I thinking? It is just a conch” thoughts ransacked his mind.

He was determined to blow the conch. He held the conch on his mouth. He looked up the sky and took a deep breath. Thud! His mother walked up the terrace. “What are you still doing here?” she screamed. “It is 1.30 AM and the doors are still open”, she continued.

He hid the conch behind quickly and stammered… “Sorry amma. I was… just outside…”

The next day, at work…

He received a call from Rishi.

“So did you blow the conch?” he asked.

“No. I was about to blow the conch last night and my mother intruded. Every time I try to blow it something hinders. Do you think it is a good omen to prevent the bad omen?”

“You are paranoid. Do you want to go to the doctor this evening? The bill is on me”, Rishi laughed.

At the lunch hall, with his boss…

“Do you think the conch has significance only in India?”

“No. It has its own significance in every part of the world. In Tibet the conch shell is used in Buddhist rituals, both blown and as a receptacle for holy water. The conch has been used ritually in other parts of Asia as well, and still today in Japan as a spiritual aid and in Korea for military fanfares. The Minoans reputedly used the conch for rituals, and their later Greek neighbors believed Triton, the son of Amphitrite and Poseidon, blew the conch to control the magnitude of the waves. The conch has been widely blown in the Americas, as well as traded as a commodity. Conch shells became carving tools, drinking cups, medicinal containers, jewelry and of course valued as sacred ceremonial objects. Hawaiians use a ceremonial conch shell that can be heard as far as two miles away. Today the "Pu," a special ceremonial conch, is used to announce the opening of the Hawaii State Legislature.”

“Phew! That is interesting”

It was the eve before full moon day. Siddarth was confused. His mind played a rebel and asked him to blow the conch but his heart kept him in control.

That night as he was settling down to sleep, he ran his hand under his pillow. The conch was missing. He sprang out of bed and looked around his room frantically for the conch. It wasn’t around. He thought his mother would have found it and dropped it in the well or given it to somebody. He rushed out of his room and woke his mother.

“Where is the conch?” he asked.

“You hid it from me” she was angry.

“Amma, it is just a conch and please don’t make an issue out of it. Just because of a silly reason you do not want to keep it in our house?”

“After the Tsunami, did you read about a girl who had come to Chennai from the north for a tournament here?”

“Yeah, she had missed her camera in the water and somebody found it at the beach. The camera revealed the last few clicks taken before Tsunami hit”

“Right. But did you read about the conch. This girl had blown a conch right before Tsunami hit the shore. She even claimed in the newspapers that the thunderous vibrations from the conch could have been one good reason for the huge waves”

“Amma. I’ve already had a good day. Please do not crack new jokes to make my night brighter. Thank you very much! Give me my conch”

“I’ve already dropped it in the well”

Siddarth’s face drained. He did not expect this to happen. His mother saw the disappointment in him. He walked back to his room. He couldn’t sleep that night.

“What if I had blown the conch after the full moon day? Some miracle might have happened. Now everything is gone”, he dozed off.

Next day… the full moon day…

It was a beautiful evening. Siddarth was getting ready to go to the beach and catch up with his friends. He did not speak to his mother the whole day. As he sat on his bike his mother walked out with the conch in her hand.

“I did not throw it in the well. I had it in the pooja room. Now, give me that million dollar smile”, she said.

Siddarth was overjoyed. He grabbed the conch and fled to the beach.

The waves were rough. The full moon added the vibrant hues to the sky. The weather, the sea, the sky, everything was rightly charged with the full moon energy.

“You got only today to test the conch and prove everything wrong”, Rishi said.

“Do you want me to try?”, Ram asked.

“Siddarth, you have waited for a couple of days. Why don’t you wait until tomorrow’s sunrise to blow the conch?”, Neha said.

“What is the thrill? Man, you got to take chances to make life spicier”, Ram said.

Siddarth looked at the conch that shone brightly under the full moon.

“There is something behind this. Some kind of energy. I can feel it. Listen to the waves by keeping this conch on your ear” he offered it to Ram.

“Every conch will be the same. When you place the conch on your ear, you can hear the waves and also the syllable ‘OM’”, Ram said.

“True. Isn’t that magnificent creation of nature?” Siddarth said.

“Yes. But what you are trying to correlate is some supernatural powers and nature”, Rishi said.

“Why don’t you blow this tomorrow morning in a temple?” Neha said.

“So that no evil will attack him?” Ram laughed.

“Shut up Ram. This is no joke. You need to be careful”, Neha said.

Ram plucked the conch from Siddarth. Before anybody could react he placed it on his mouth as if to blow. Just then a huge wave rushed into where they were sitting and pulled Ram inside. The others sprang into action and held him by his hand. After few moments of struggle, they dragged him back to the shore. Ram was shocked and paranoid.

“Where is the conch?” Siddarth asked. The conch was missing from Ram’s hand. It was dark and nothing was visible. Siddarth panicked.

“Forget it Siddarth. Take it for a good omen that the conch is lost” Rishi said.

Siddarth did not pay attention. He continued to search for it.

“Let it be lost Siddarth. I think it is something” Ram said softly. Rishi and Neha were surprised. Siddarth ran frantically. He searched for it as though a treasure was lost. And then, as another wave receded he found the conch. He ran to it and pulled it out. The other three saw him helplessly.

The last night with the conch. Tomorrow would be different. It was 11 PM. Just one more hour for the full moon day to cease. If he needed to prove the voice wrong, he should blow the conch within that hour. If he wanted the fortune, he will have to blow the conch the next sunrise.

He was standing by the seashore. The waves hit him time and again. He stood there looking at the rising sun. He took out the conch from his bag and placed it on his mouth. He blew it. It produced a thunderous sound blaring the sky. Nothing happened. He stopped blowing. He wasn’t sure if he needed to blow it again. After a while he placed it on his lips to blow it again and then a huge wave rushed in and pulled him in. Within few seconds he drowned. After almost an hour his dead body was washed ashore. His friends were around him looking at the lifeless body.

Siddarth woke up with a start from his bed. He looked at the clock. It was 4 AM. He couldn’t sleep any further. He tossed and turned on his bed until 5.00 AM. And as he saw some signs of brightness he jumped out of his bed and quickly rode down to the beach.

The sun began to rise in its own pace. The first rays fell on him and he felt totally charged. Show time! The miracle was to occur in his life and the lives around him would change forever, after he blew the conch. He gently slid his finger into the conch and placed it on his lips. He felt as if his heart was on a roller coaster. He began to sweat profusely. His life was to change forever. He quickly took off the conch from his mouth and flung it high into the sea. The conch fell into the water. He sat down with great relief. He looked at the rising sun.

“I don’t need a conch for miracles to happen in my life,” his mind read. Yet another beautiful day had just begun.

You. Me. Us?

2007-07-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

Feels like ages since I wrote something. Something that was close to my heart. Your heart. Their mind. Someone’s mind. I want to write about a million things. About million people. About me. About us. But where are those words that play peek-a-boo with me. Where is that song that you used to play on my mind? Where are you? Why did you run through my heart once? And then again. And then one more time. Why do I miss you like there is no way to move further in life? Why do I keep staring at the closed doors that have been bolted tightly? Why am I still lurking in the dark? I walk up the mountains, swim across the rivers, tread through the deserts, and wade through the fields, in search of me, and you. Us. Where are you? Where am I? Where did the sun set? When did the moon fade? I look at the stars and am reminded of your eyes. Eyes that promised to carry me forever. Eyes that closed even before I could realize. All those days reel through me, in sepia, in painful memories.

Serendipity. How I hate that word. How I love that word. I stand in the rain and look up. Huge drops hitting my face. I still manage to look up coz you once told me you love the rain running down your face. But this time, it hurts. I don’t want the rains. I don’t want the chillness. I just need you. Just one scoop. Of you. Of us. Of a life that was once bliss.

When did it happen? The ‘you and I’ divide. When you clipped your nails, did you just clip me off your daily life? Or was it when you switched off the CD player? The music between us stopped. Or was it when you closed the window not knowing that I stood outside with broken wings? Or was it when you wrote my name on sand and let the waves wipe it away? Effortlessly. You moved on like nothing happened. I moved backwards searching for whatever had happened. Every little moment. Every other place. Every thing that was You. And now I write what is not me. What is not you. What is not us. But I write for them. For them to know us.

Do you remember the night when we drew faces on moist windows of the parked cars? We drew the Taj Mahal. We drew us. We drew them. You laughed. You hugged in happiness. We sat on the car. Someone’s car. And stayed silent. Until we were asked to leave. We walked in silence. You broke out laughing. I kept praying. For the sun to never rise again. But it did. As always. And as soon as the sun was out, my world darkened. Coz you were lost in the brightness. You did not look back. You left me to think. You left me to emptiness.

Do you remember the rollercoaster ride? We fastened our seatbelts and you hugged me tightly and I saw fear in your eyes. And then I stepped out instantly and pulled you out. You frowned. You hit me. Behind us went the roller coaster for its ride. And then went my heart behind it. Without you. Just my memories. Tagged.

I smile in spite of the pain. I’m pained when you smile through all these. It has to stop. Your smile. Not my pain. You need to disappear. Completely. I need to be complete. To reappear in life. Little drops of water make the mighty ocean. Little pieces of you won’t make me. I just can’t have enough of you. Every time a tear or two hurt your eyes, I jumped and came closer to you, not to hold down the tears, but to just silently stay beside you and let you cry. I was ok for you to cry, as long as I wasn’t the reason for it. As long as you were beside me whenever you felt low. Now, I feel low. Tears fail me though. I feel the pain on my head and feel you all over. You definitely have become the genie in me.

Coffee! You liked the latte. I liked Americano. We liked coffee. And all the conversations. Sometimes the silence. Even when we emptied the last drop, we never ran out of conversations. Of us. We wanted more. Coffee. Of us. But when did all these go away? The mugs aren’t around. The coffee pot is empty. All that remains are the stains. Of the coffee mugs. Of us. Of you. In me. When will I get over those conversations. Those silent moments. Those stains. You.

The last time we met. The last time we were in each other’s arms. The last kiss. Little did I know, those were last things. Between you and me. Us. I woke up to look at the mirror to see me. To see you. And the hickey that smiled on my neck. It did not hurt. It did hurt. I ran my fingers over the hickey. And then my eyes failed. I thought of all those failed moments. This will heal. The hickey. But will you come back? One last time. For that one last hickey?

-----------------------><------------------------------

Ok. Wasn't typically a coffee serving. But then. Sometimes. It is OK to have tequila shots here ;)

A room with no view

2007-06-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

She sat by the window looking at the fading city. The bus had just moved out of the city limit and started the journey on the highway. Meera sat there holding her bag close to her. She knew that that sweltering summer day was to be a very important day in her life. She was going to make news. She looked at Ayan who was working on his camera. She looked out again at the fading outskirts. It was going to be a long journey to an unknown place. As the bus pulled out of the city and on to the highway, Meera saw a woman carrying a boy on her hip and walking a girl holding her left hand. Meera asked Ayan to click a picture of that and he instantly did.

“What was it?” he asked once the bus went past the mother and two children leaving smoky dust behind.

“Did you notice the boy comfortably sitting on his mother’s hip and the little girl, who could be his elder sister, walking beside them?”

“Yes, I did, but what is unusual?” he asked and began to review the picture that he had just taken.

“The boy who wasn’t walking was wearing footwear while the little girl was walking barefoot over the rough and hot road” Meera said as she kept looking outside at the mirage.

Ayan was silent.

“Aren’t you excited about this trip and the news we are working on?” Meera asked looking at Ayan who was still busy with his video camera.

“Yes I am” he said and looked at her.

“I’m going to surprise our editor with this documentary and am sure going to be a part of the primetime news slot” Meera exclaimed with million dreams escaping out of her eyes.

“But aren’t you taking a risk? This is your first solo show and then you are heading towards a risky town”

“I have you to protect me and I got my own confidence to deliver the best” Meera assured.

Ayan kissed her on her forehead and closed his eyes for a quick nap. She closed her eyes thinking of her first project.

Meera was fresh out of college and was an intern at that media house. She wanted to start off her career with some dramatic documentary. It took her almost 6 months to gather necessary information of what she wanted to do and meanwhile she befriended the cameraman Ayan.

Ayan worked at his own private office in the city. Meera has befriended him during a party thrown at her media house. Later Meera had insisted that he be a part of her project.

8 hours later the bus pulled into the town which was bustling with activities. It was 3 PM.

Meera and Ayan got down with their bags. Ayan pulled out a paper from his bag and traced the route of their destination. He called for an autorick.

“Paro amma’s house” Ayan told the driver. The driver returned a mischievous smile and asked them to get in. They rode down many dusty lanes and finally reached a huge mansion. It must have been a 60 years old. The house had a huge iron door and huge windows all over which were all shut at that time. They paid the driver and walked to the big gate. They saw a well-built man in his 40s who stood at the gate with a huge stick in his hand. Ayan walked further and spoke to him while Meera waited behind. Her eyes ran all over the compound wall that governed the mansion. “There can’t be an exit to this place”, she thought. As she looked at the mansion, she saw some girls at the terrace doing the daily chores. There was a sense of accomplishment already in her. She was nearing her subject.

Few minutes later, they were at the courtyard waiting for Paro amma. Meera had visualized her as an old woman who would be eating paan and would be rude to them. They heard sounds of trinkets and looked behind to see a young woman walking towards them.

“Paro” she said and sat elegantly beside them. She could have been in her mid twenties.

Meera sat there in silence looking at Paro’s flawless skin and her sense of dressing. She would easily give the fashion designers a sense of guilt for not taking tips from her.

“I have never let anyone come to this place for reasons other than business” Paro said in a curt tone.

“Thank you for letting us in. I’m really excited” Meera found it difficult to convey her happiness.

“We are going to take just 2 hours because we need to take the 8 PM bus back to our city” Ayan confirmed.

“Tonight is going to be busy. We have new clients coming in. I don’t want you to see them. And make sure you do not show the face of our girls in your video” Paro said as she stood up to leave.

“So whom are we going to interview today?” Meera asked.

“Basanti! O Basanti!” Paro called out as she walked in.

“Basanti!” Meera whispered to Ayan. Ayan was getting his camera ready.

A little girl ran towards them. She must have been 10 years old. Meera looked at Ayan in shock.

“Basanti will be here in a minute. Please sit in that room” the little girl said. Meera was relieved.

They walked to the room. The path towards the room was narrow and dingy. They got into the room which was dimly lit. It was bright outside, but the rooms inside the mansion were all dark and dimly lit. The windows were never open. The little room had a bed and a dressing table beside that. There were colorful dresses strewn all over. On the dressing table were unused condom packs.

“Take a video of the room. Pan across and finish it by zooming into the pack of unused condoms” Meera said.

Ayan shot the video in different angles and of different corners of the room. Meera was apprehensive to sit on the bed. She pulled the little chair beside the dressing table and sat on it. She did not like the room. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable. She stared herself at the mirror and looked at Ayan who was looking at her. She then realized that he was looking at her body. She returned a mischievous smile and turned to the door as someone stepped in.

Basanti walked in with a tray of fruits. She placed it on the bed and sat on it with both her legs folded backwards on the right side. She smiled at Meera and Ayan while they looked at Basanti. She looked perfectly fit and her face was spotless. Every feature in her was well measured. Even the red lipstick was even and there were no traces of smudging. The khol that embellished her eyes was clear and illustrative of the beauty that she carried. There was silence for a while. Meera wasn’t sure where to begin and she felt all the questions she had on mind had dissolved in the darkness of the room.

“Can we open this window?” Meera asked and she was surprised at herself for starting a conversation that way.

“Paro amma does not like it. We are not supposed to” Basanti said in her girlish voice.

“How old are you?” Meera asked.

“I don’t remember. I know I was born sometime in March, but don’t know when. Could be 24” Basanti said and looked at Ayan who was shooting all of that.

“Has Paro amma allowed you to take the video?” Basanti asked Ayan.

“Yes, she has. Your face will not be telecast. Be comfortable.” Ayan replied.

“Basanti, I might ask questions that might hurt you, but then I have to do it to make this documentary a bit dramatic”

Basanti laughed at Meera’s statement. “Sure. I will be honest about myself. I make money selling my body. Now you can make money by selling my story” she continued to laugh. Meera felt a tinge. Ayan kept moving from one place to another to take shots from multiple angles.

“How did you get into this house?” Meera asked.

“Long story, but I will try and keep it short or at least interesting” Basanti said and laughed again.

“You have a lovely laughter” Meera said and Ayan instantly zoomed to get a close up view of Basanti and her laughter. At least, they were allowed to show just her laughter if not the full face.

“The first time I was married, I must have been 14. My father sold me to a 30 something man for 6000 rupees. In the name of marriage, I was sold to him. He took me to some town where I ended up doing household chores. He had a wife of his age already and he also had a son. I did all the odd jobs at his place and I was constantly abused. Physically, sexually, and emotionally. I was not allowed to contact my parents. I wanted to talk to my mother very badly. I did not know how. After almost a year later, I mustered the courage and stole some money from that house and ran back to my village just to see my mother. I ran with all my courage. I took a bus. I took a train and finally reached my village to see my house gone. My parents were gone to some other village and nobody had a clue where they had gone. I had no place to go. Nobody would let me inside their house. I walked back to the railway station and slept on the stone bench. I shivered and cried. Then I took a train that stopped midnight in my village. I slept inside an almost empty compartment. After sometime, someone woke me up in the middle of the journey. It was a police man. He asked me where I was heading to and I told him everything. He smiled at me. The next day I was sold off to another man for 10000 rupees. The policeman went home as a happy man. My journey began that midnight train. I was moved from one hand to the other and finally ended up here” she said her story in a tone with no modulations. It was as if she had been telling this story to everyone she had met at that house.

There was brief silence and then Meera continued, “Tell us something about Paro amma. How did she get into this? She also seems to be your age”.

“I can’t tell you much about Paro amma but she has been very kind to us. She feeds us well. She pays our wages well. She keeps us happy as long as we keep our clients happy” Basanti said and picked an apple from the tray. She sliced them elegantly and served it to Meera and Ayan.

“You never wanted to get out of this place?” Meera asked.

“If only I had an option. Where will I go? How do I earn my money? How do I make a living?”

“You have many NGOs who can help you with moving on in life”

“Well, I trusted that policeman that night” Basanti snapped.

“Not all are the same, right? NGOs work for your rehabilitation”

“Any further questions?” Basanti asked and Meera was offended at her rudeness.

“So you don’t want to go out of this place? You must like it in here then?” Meera sniggered.

“I have no complaints. This is my work place and apparently this is my home too”

“Tell me about your clients”

Basanti laughed at Meera’s gullible question.

“How can I disclose my clients’ information?” Basanti continued to laugh.

“You don’t have to tell me who they are. Tell me what kinds of people come to this place”

“From all walks of life. From all strata. Each girl is priced different in this house. Regular clients will have their personal preference of a girl and will be ready to pay a higher price. We have rich men and the paupers as well”

“Have you ever looked back at the days when you were a little girl back in your village and with your parents?”

“Past hurts. I don’t look back. I live for the moment, if not I’m going to suffer in the future. I need to make money until this beauty wears off”

“What happens after you have been asked to leave?” Meera asked.

“That is why we need to be smart enough to save our money and get a life when we move out of this place”

“What are you looking forward to do when you are out in the real world?”

“I’m sure even the real world is as filthy as this wh0rehouse. I don’t want to think about it now”

There was silence for a while and Ayan placed his camera on the dressing table. He picked a piece of the apple and sat on the bed beside Basanti. Meera ran her eyes over Basanti who was meddling with her bangles.

“So what are you going to do with this video?” Basanti asked as she still kept playing with her bangles.

“I’m new to the industry and I wanted to make waves by creating a news item that will reach the mass quickly and powerfully. And flesh trade is one thing that has been talked about a lot but yet people just pass it off as yet another business” Meera replied.

“Of course it is one of the most profitable businesses in our country I believe. What if one day we go on a strike and stop this trade?” Basanti laughed at her own interrogation.

Meera’s eyes widened.

“Can you do that?” Meera asked with awed eyes.

“I’m sure joking. It is never likely to happen. Some even have kids. They will have to feed them and take care of themselves”

“But imagine, one day this trade is abolished. Child trafficking and sexual abuse becomes a myth. Won’t that be the best thing to happen to everyone?” Meera’s face was gleaming.

Ayan picked his camera again and focused on Meera.

“You have a long way to go in your career. A lot to learn. Every young mind might want to abolish a lot of things. But when they take steps to do that, they realize that reality is far more painful than their own dreams” Basanti said.

“You seem to know the world out there” Meera said.

“I read magazines. I read the newspaper” Basanti said as she looked at a tiny loft where she had piled all her old newspapers and magazines.

“Who is Rahim?” Meera asked. Ayan looked at Meera in surprise.

Basanti was stunned for a moment and then her face morphed to a blushing smile. She ran her fingers over the words ‘Rahim’ on her left hand.

“Who is he?” Meera asked.

“Just someone who used to visit this place quite often. I liked him a lot. He is the only man whom I look into the eyes when I’m with him”

“How often does he come here?”

“Not anymore. The last I heard of him was he was married”

“But you still have his name on your hand” Meera looked apologetically.

“I can’t erase it”, she smiled and said, “I still feel him around. He was my hope that came through the door and fled through the window. Sometimes he wouldn’t have money when he came. I would spend the night with him and pay Paro amma a part of my salary. All I wanted was to be with him, although for few hours every now and then”

“Did you ever tell him about your love for him?” Meera asked.

Basanti smiled as if to mock at her destiny.

“I decided to. I was dressed at my best that night. I waited for him. He did not turn up. I waited for him for days and he never returned. Might sound like yet another sad clichéd story! One day, a young man came here and while we were having the initial conversation before getting into bed, he told me about Rahim. He told me that he was married. He also told me that it was Rahim who suggested his friend to pick me from the lot because I was very good” Basanti said and her voice crackled.

Meera looked into her eyes which were moist.

“I do not know what to say. I’m sorry” Meera said and held Basanti’s hand. Basanti took away her hand immediately.

“Meera, I will be back in a minute” Ayan said and walked out of the room leaving the two ladies behind.

“Are you aware of HIV and STD?” Meera continued asking questions.

“Yes, we are. We have our regular checkups. Some clients insist on not wearing a condom, we simply show them the way. Paro amma is strict on those terms”

“I’m amazed at how professional this trade is”

“Yes it is. You will know about it a lot”

Meera looked at her wrist watch. It was time for her to leave. She looked at the dingy pathway and at the door. Ayan hadn’t returned.

“So, what would you like to wear? The red one or the black?” Basanti asked as she stepped out of the bed and picked the dresses near the bed.

“Well, thanks, I wouldn’t need any. I’m ok with this dress and we are leaving in few minutes” Meera said and stood up.

“Red or the black?” Basanti insisted.

Meera’s eyebrows arched.

“You are not going anywhere. We have special clients coming just for you” Basanti said as she moved closer to Meera.

“Wh.. what?” Meera felt uneasy.

“Relax. You are in a very safe place” Basanti comforted.

“Ayan! Ayan!” Meera called out to him.

“He won’t come. He was the one who sold you off to Paro amma”

Meera heard someone lock the door from outside. She could no more see the dingy pathway.

The END
-------------------------------------------------------------
Some facts from the Special Report in ‘The Week’ magazine dated February 25, 2007.

Trafficking lures: Befriending: 16.4%, Promise of job and money: 52.4%, Promise of marriage: 4.5%, Adoption: 0.2%, Blackmail: 2.8%, Use of force: 11.6%, Persuading husband to use force: 0.2% Family tradition: 2.1%

Traffickers: Family members (34.8%), acquaintances (52.5%), strangers (11.1%), and police (0.15%).

Age profile of victims: 13-15 years (1.9%), 16-17 years (2.8%), 18-21 years (14.7%), 22-35 years (68.5%)

Age at first sexual encounter: Less than 16 (45.5%), between 16 and 17 (27.7%), between 18 and 21 (22.9%), Less than 21 (3.8%)

Espresso Trio (Part III - End)

2007-05-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

Read Espresso Trio Part I and Part II.
_____________________________________

“Why do you treat me like am accountable to you?” Mansi asked.

Siddarth was silent. They were sitting in his cabin early in the morning. Ayan had not come to work by then.

“Siddarth”

He looked up at her.

“You called me in to talk and now you are reviewing your files”

“What do you think of this layout?” he showed her a prototype.

Mansi stood up to leave his cabin.

“Wait. I don’t want you to spend a lot of time with Ayan. He will take you for a ride” Siddarth said as he was still reviewing the files.

Mansi slammed the door behind. As she walked down the corridor she saw Ayan walking up.

“Good morning Mansi. How are you feeling?” Ayan asked.

“You called Siddarth last night and played a trick” she was angered.

“Well, yea, I was just concerned”

“What is it with you guys? What is the goal? The project or me?”

“For me, it was the project. But now am thinking it could be you too” Ayan smiled.

_________________________!!___________________________

“I think you should quit from this dirty game” Meera said.

“What do you expect me to do? Watch them play a game? Both of them want the project AND me. How sick is that?”

“Maybe one gets the project and the other gets you. Fair deal!” Meera laughed.

“Ayan is my friend and so is Siddarth. I still like them for what they are. We have shared the best bond ever in college”

“So what have you decided?”

“What is there to decide? As for the project, we are working as a team, although Siddarth will take the major credit”

“Maybe you should help Ayan share the success too”

“Or… maybe I should just stay with Ayan and make him the star”

_________________________!!___________________________

“We just have 4 more days to launch the prototype and present it to our client” Siddarth addressed the team meeting.

“We need to gear up and finish the task on schedule” he continued to allocate the last minute preparation works to his team members. He did not allocate any work to Ayan and Mansi.

After the meeting, Ayan and Mansi were preparing to leave while the others had already left.

“I want you guys to stay with me through all this” Siddarth said.

Mansi looked up in surprise. Ayan did not acknowledge his statement.

“We are in a very crucial stage. I understand that both your ideas too have gone into this project. So, stay with me till the end and give me the support that you have always provided over the years”

“I’m on leave for 3 days. I will be back only on the day of the client presentation. I don’t think there is much I can do about it” Ayan said without looking at Siddarth.

Mansi turned her surprise glance at Ayan as he walked out.

“So what is your plan?” Siddarth asked Mansi.

“You wanted both of us to stay away from these final moments, didn’t you?” Mansi asked.

“Ah! You are smart! One down. Maybe you should take a short vacation too. You look so tired”

“I won’t let you down. I will stay with you through all this” she smiled sarcastically and left the room.

_________________________!!___________________________

The days that followed, Ayan had stayed away from work and Mansi worked with Meera to complete the tasks. The day of the launch dawned with so much jitters around. Everyone was running around completing the last minute tasks while Ayan and Mansi were at their desks listening to music.

Just before the meeting.

“Am sure we did a great job. It is the moment of truth…” Siddarth addressed the team.

“blah blah” murmured Ayan.

The team saw the clients walking in. There was hustle all over and it took a few moments for the hall to calm down. Siddarth walked over to the podium with his laptop and connected it to the projector. Ayan sat with his hands folded over his chest and waited for Siddarth to start.

The vibrant smile on Siddarth’s face drained into a downside curve. He frantically worked on his laptop as if to search something. He panicked. He looked intently at the files in his laptop. It was all gone. The folder in which he had stored his files was empty. His face turned pale and his mind went blank.

“I guess my friend Siddarth is having a technical snag. Thank you gentlemen, for being patient. I will help him by taking over the presentation today” Ayan stood up from his place and walked to the podium with his laptop. He did not look at Siddarth. He pulled out the plug from Siddarth’s laptop even without his acceptance and set his laptop.

“Siddarth, if you can relax…” Ayan showed Siddarth his seat.

Siddarth picked his laptop and got down the podium. He looked at Mansi as he sat next to her. She smiled at him and whispered, “I loved your presentation! Good job!”.

Everybody was looking at Ayan as he switched on the projector again. The Director gave him a signal as to hurry up. Ayan tried accessing his files in his laptop. His files were missing too. He searched different folders and they were all gone. Somebody had wiped off all the files.

“We have a little technical snag here, don’t we?” the Director said and turned around to throw a hypocritical smile at the clients who were already getting uncomfortable with the delay.

“Sorry gentlemen. I think I can help this situation. We are just having a temporary problem”, someone said from behind. Everyone turned around to see Meera walking towards the podium with her laptop. Ayan looked at her and then looked at Mansi.

Rest of the two hours, everyone at the meeting hall were engrossed at Meera’s presentation of the campaign. The meeting ended with loud cheers from the client. Meera walked out of the hall with the happy clients and a thrilled Director. They were on their way to sign the contract.

Siddarth, Ayan, and Mansi sat there looking at their ideas walk away with Meera. Mansi had deleted the files from Siddarth’s laptop just before the meeting and made a copy of the same for Ayan. Meera stayed with Mansi while she was at it. Later Meera deleted the files from Ayan’s laptop when Mansi was gone from Ayan’s cabin.

The three did not move from their seats at the meeting hall even after everyone had left happily.

“The game is over” Mansi said as she was playing with her pen.

“I didn’t get the project” Siddarth said.

“And I didn’t get Mansi” Ayan smiled at Mansi. Mansi returned his smile. Both knew that they will remain friends.

“Why don’t we start a company of our own? We will start with just the three of us?” Siddarth asked.

There was silence for a moment.

“I love the idea already” Ayan said.

“So that means we quit this company today. Right now?” Mansi was excited too.

“Sounds like a plan” confirmed Siddarth.

“Shall we go for coffee? I badly need one” Ayan said. They all stood up to leave.

“Hey, hang on. Considering this the last day, we three should take a pic together” Mansi said and pulled out her mobile.

Click!

Espresso Trio (Part II)

2007-05-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

Read Espresso Trio Part I here.
___________________________________________________

“Thanks for inviting me home” Ayan said as he sat on her bed.

“I should thank you for coming. I felt lonely and needed some company” Mansi said as she sat beside him.

Ayan looked at the photos on the wall. He kept looking at one of the photos intently.

“The three of us” he said pointing at a photograph with Mansi, Siddarth and Ayan posing together.

“Feels like ages. 6 years right? That was taken on the last day of our college” Mansi was looking at the picture too.

“Yea, almost. Siddarth and I joined work as soon as we were out of college”

“And I left to Australia for my masters. Worked there a bit”, Mansi said.

There was silence for a while.

“I came back to India last year and Siddarth got me the job in our company” she continued.

“Weren’t things a lot simpler when we were at college? We three were best friends and all that drama. Then you left. Then you came back. Siddarth took you into the company. You have changed a lot after your Australian stint”

“I guess that is why Siddarth fell for me. We went ahead and lived a life of being more than just friends after I returned”

“That changed the equation between the three of us. You had to spend more time with him. The college friendship is now just memories. I know you are in love with Siddarth…”

“I’m not sure if it is love yet. We like each other. We have crossed our limits as a friend. But is he the one? I’m not sure” Mansi said.

The servant walked in with the coffee and Mansi served it to Ayan.

“So what are you planning to do now?” Mansi asked.

Ayan was still looking at the photograph on the wall.

“Maybe you should quit the company” Mansi said as she sipped the coffee.

Ayan did not react.

“You should join our competitor and work against Siddarth” she continued.

“Sounds like a plan already. Maybe I should talk about it in tomorrow’s meeting” Ayan said as he sipped the coffee.

Mansi smiled behind his back.

“But will you come with me too?” he asked looking at her.

She did not expect it.
____________________________*__________________________________

Everybody had gathered in the meeting hall to discuss about the new project headed by Siddarth. Mansi and Siddarth sat together and Ayan sat opposite to them. The director addressed the gathering and asked Siddarth to put forth the project plan.

Mansi kept looking at Ayan time and again as he was going to confirm his resignation in the meeting.

Siddarth explained the timelines of the project and he moved on to the list the team members. He read out all the names except Ayan’s.

“Sir, Ayan is another star performer of our company and I would request you to give him a new project to work on. I’m sure he will deliver the best” Siddarth requested the Director.

Ayan looked at the Director. Mansi smiled at Ayan as if to comfort him at the time of his crucial decision.

“Sir, I would request you to put me in Siddarth’s project. I think I will work better in his team for now”

Mansi was surprised at Ayan’s decision. The Director looked at both of them and knew something was wrong.

“Ok. Ayan will work in this project until I get him a new one. Siddarth, will that be fine?”

“Sure. No problem” Siddarth did not have an option.
____________________________*__________________________________

“Are you still mad at me?” Siddarth asked Mansi. They were sitting by the pool at their office.

“I’m not” Mansi snapped.

“What is Ayan up to?” Siddarth asked.

“How would I know?”

“I didn’t expect him to join my team. I thought he would be angry and would want to stay away”

“Maybe he wants to be in your team and play the tricks”

“Makes sense. I really need to be careful until the final delivery of the project” Siddarth was already thinking about the possibilities of sabotage.

“I think you shouldn’t have betrayed him this way” Mansi said.

“Are you already fighting for his welfare?” Siddarth laughed.

“He was never at fault. You stole his idea of this project”

“Correction! I hid his idea and did not steal it. Technically, you stole it” Siddarth laughed again.

Mansi was silent.

“Did you know what he told me? He said he will steal you from me. Fat chance!”

“Is that over confidence?” Mansi asked.

Siddarth looked at her.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“What makes you think I’m going to be with you forever and through all the things that you do?” she asked.

“Oh my God! Am I looking at someone else already?” Siddarth laughed again.

“It is me who is looking at someone else in you. What is it Siddarth? What happened to your friendship? Now you are staking our relationship as well” Mansi mellowed down.

“Don’t lower your voice. Don’t speak emotionally. Show me the arrogance. That is why I’ve always liked you. Cut the crap on friendship and being honest. This project means a lot to me and my career”

Mansi saw his eyes glare up with a fiery passion. He had a target and she saw it in his eyes. He meant business and no nonsense.

“And this is why I like you too. Your eyes convey it all” she said and hugged him.
____________________________*__________________________________

“I did not expect you to join Siddarth’s team” Mansi said as she sat opposite to Ayan at his cabin.

“I just surprised myself” Ayan smiled.

“So what next?”

“So what next?” he repeated her question.

“What?”

“So what is your next plan? To know my plan and update Siddarth on it?” Ayan gave a sly smile at her.

“You have to trust me at one point of time Ayan” Mansi said.

“I still do. I still look for my friend Mansi who used to hit me on the head during college days whenever I went wrong” Ayan said.

“I’m still your friend. Nothing has changed” Mansi confirmed.

“Then you must do dinner with me tonight to prove that right” he smiled.

That night, they ordered pizzas at Ayan’s place and they spent the night watching television. Ayan had served red wine and Mansi was high on it after an hour. Ayan walked into his room and called up Siddarth.

“Siddarth, you got a minute?” Ayan asked.

“It is 1 in the morning” Siddarth responded drowsily.

“I need your help. And you are the best person to help me on this!”

“What is it?”

“When Mansi wakes up tomorrow morning to smell the coffee, should I serve her coffee with milk or just black coffee?” Ayan asked.

“WHAT?” Siddarth was fully awake.

“Yea, she is here with me. We had the best time ever”

“Give the phone to her” Siddarth was angered.

“She is sleeping on my bed like a princess. A wee bit drunk” Ayan laughed.

“You are playing a trick on me!” Siddarth said.

“I’m not. So is it black or is it with milk?”

Siddarth hung up. He immediately called Mansi’s mobile. She was watching television in the living room.

“Hello?” Siddarth was relieved that she picked the call and he thought she was at her place and that Ayan had played a prank.

“Siddarth?” her voice was garbled.

“Where are you sweets?”

“At Ayan’s place”

The line went dead.
____________________________*__________________________________

To be continued....

[Psst: I know, this part has been a little too vague. So what do you think will happen next at the closure part?]

Espresso Trio

2007-05-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

“I’ve seen you guys work together for over 5 years and also know that you are the best performers in our company. I am going to give you an opportunity to prove your skills,” the Director addressed Siddarth and Ayan in the meeting hall.

Siddarth kept playing with his pen while Ayan was looking at the Director.

“We have a very high profile company coming to us in a week’s time. This project is very crucial for us. We are to design their advertisement campaign. I want you guys to do it. In one week’s time”, the Director said.

Both were still listening to him without reacting.

“I don’t want you to work together. You are the best minds in our company. Two best minds mean two best ideas. So I’m giving you a chance to prove yourself. The best idea will work on the project. Best idea gets the best of rewards and a surprising promotion” the Director winked on telling that.

There was silence for a while.

Siddarth looked at Ayan. Ayan smiled at Siddarth and turned towards the Director.

“When do we get started?” Siddarth asked.

“Right away! Mansi has the project details. Collect it from her”, the Director said.

“When do we meet again?” Ayan asked.

“Seven days from now. Same time” the Director confirmed.
------------------------------------!!!-----------------------------------------

“That was an amazing dinner” Mansi said as she helped Ayan with the dishes.

“Thank you lady! I’m honored” Ayan said.

“You do cook really well. When a guy cooks for a lady there is lot more care and taste to it” she smiled.

“I can’t deny that! Cooking for you was absolute pleasure”

“So are you excited about tomorrow?”

“Yea I am. Kind of nervous too. Siddarth is going to be as good as me”

“I like the confidence in you” Mansi said and sank into the couch while Ayan was cleaning the table.

“Someone has to lose” Ayan said in a sober tone.

“How would you feel if it has to be your best friend?” Mansi asked from the living room.

“Siddarth is my best friend, but when it comes to work, he is my colleague. There has to be competition”

“I hope Siddarth handles it the same way”

“You seem to speak as if Siddarth is going to lose”

“I’m just being realistic. I somehow think you are far more efficient than him. I’ve always admired your previous campaigns”

“But most of them were joint effort” Ayan said as he sank into the couch next to her.

“You do have a class of your own” she wanted to confirm.

“Do you want to take a look at my proposal of the campaign?” Ayan asked and pulled his laptop.

“No, I don’t want any teasers. I’m going to be in the meeting tomorrow. Let me get the full picture then” Mansi said.

“Sure”

Ayan was driving her back home after a while. Mansi’s mobile rang. She looked at the display and did not attend the call.

“Is something wrong?” Ayan asked.

“No. I will take the call when I get home” she smiled.

“Hmmm… someone special huh!”

She did not respond.

As she got off the car, “Good luck for your presentation tomorrow”, she said.

“Thank you! You being around the meeting hall is going to make me comfortable” he winked.

She smiled and closed the door behind.
------------------------------------!!!-----------------------------------------

“Whom do we start with?” the Director asked before the 15 member panel in the meeting hall.

“I will go first” Siddarth raised his hand.

Ayan showed sign of agreement with his composed smile.

Siddarth began to present his idea. Mansi sat opposite to Ayan and close to where Siddarth stood. As Siddarth was half way through the presentation, Ayan began to feel uncomfortable. He couldn’t believe that Siddarth was proposing a campaign which was almost the same as his idea. Although it wasn’t completely his, there were a lot of traces of his idea in Siddarth’s presentation. Siddarth looked at Ayan time and again and gave a snide smile. The presentation ended with loud applause from the crowd. Siddarth walked back to his chair next to Mansi and right opposite to Ayan.

“It is your turn”, Siddarth said.

Ayan stood up and walked to the podium without his laptop. He stood there in silence and the same silence fell upon the gathering.

He looked at the Director and said, “Sir, Thank you for giving me this opportunity. But I’m not going to present any ideas today. I’m just letting my good friend Siddarth take the lead. I already see his idea winning and I will be glad to see it materialize”

“But you have disappointed me Ayan. You are being totally unprofessional. I’m not wasting time anymore on your friendship crap”, the Director said and stood up.

“Siddarth, we like your idea and we are going ahead with it. Good luck! Come over to my cabin this afternoon and we can discuss about it”, the Director said and walked out of the meeting hall.

There was an eerie silence in the meeting hall. Everyone had left except Siddarth, Mansi, and Ayan. They were seated in the same chairs. None uttered a word. Ayan was frantically working on his laptop.

Siddarth and Mansi stood up to leave.

“Wait!” Ayan’s voice was rude.

The two remained seated.

Ayan looked up at Mansi. She couldn’t look into his eyes that she turned around and looked at Siddarth. Siddarth held her hand and comforted her. Ayan looked at their gesture and looked at Siddarth.

“You stole my idea. You sent Mansi to my house to do that for you” Ayan’s voice was curt.

They did not reply.

“I just checked the history on my laptop and found that she has copied the content into a CD” Ayan continued.

“So when did you do it? While I was doing the dishes? Or was it after we made out?” Ayan asked Mansi.

She hurriedly picked up her laptop and walked out of the meeting hall.

“I did not steal your idea. I just hid it” Siddarth said.

“You did put in my ideas into yours and delivered something two best minds of this company can deliver”

“Chill pal! I will definitely talk to our Director and absorb you into my team. We are going to work together and be a winning team for sure”

“My a$$! I would rather quit working here than to work with a spineless b@stard”

“Nobody is stopping you! Good luck” Siddarth said and began to collect his things.

Ayan was enraged and he sat there fuming.

“Here is the CD” Siddarth placed it before Ayan and walked to the door.

“You stole my idea. My career growth. My trust in friendship”

Siddarth did not stop and kept walking.

“And I will steal Mansi from you. Your Mansi!” Ayan said and stood up to collect his things.

Siddarth stopped and looked back.

“Get a life!” he said and walked out of the door.
------------------------------------!!!-----------------------------------------

“So you slept with him to get me the project details!” Siddarth said.

“Either trust me or trust him. I really don’t have to explain myself to you any further. I did not sleep with him. That is the truth”

Siddarth remained silent. He showed his anger in his driving.

“Would you mind driving slowly?” Mansi was freaking out.

“Did he drive slowly when he dropped you home?” Siddarth asked.

“Stop the car!” Mansi screamed. The car came to a screeching halt.

She got off the car, slammed the door behind and began to walk down the lonely lane. Siddarth honked but she did not look back. He drove back not wanting to complicate the issue any further.

“I need to talk” Mansi heard someone tell her from behind. She turned around to see Ayan.

She stood there with tears brimming in her eyes.

“I got a hug to share and it is free. Want one?” he asked and smiled.

She hugged him and broke down.

“I’m sorry for letting you down” she said.

Ayan hugged her but did not respond to her statement.

He walked her home in silence.

“Everything is going to be fine”, he said as she walked inside the apartment.

“Thank you” she said and waved at him.

------------------------------------!!!-----------------------------------------

That night, Mansi was on the phone with her best friend Meera. She told her about everything that had happened.

“I can’t get judgmental here, but what are you going to do now?” Meera asked.

“It seems like a game between those two and they pulled me in too. Unless I play my part well, I’m going to be taken for a ride” Mansi said.

“What does that mean?”

“Siddarth used me to betray his best friend. Ayan is trying to betray his best friend by stealing me to his side”

“So…”

“I’m going to play along and beat them”

------------------------------------!!!-----------------------------------------

To be continued...

Little Pieces of You (Part III - The End)

2007-03-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

Read Little Pieces of You Part (I) here and Part (II) here.
-------------------------------------------------------------

He knew something was eating his mind. He did not know why he felt uneasy about Mansi getting married.

“I don’t live in India. I live in Singapore” she continued as he remained silent. “I needed some time for myself before the wedding. So I came down to India to be with my best friend. I made so many friends in the past few weeks and you were one amongst them”.

“One amongst them” echoed in his mind.

“I’m leaving next week Siddarth” she said as if expecting a reaction from him.

“Ok. Good for you”

“Would you want to meet up sometime before I leave?” she asked.

“Err… I don’t know. I’m just thinking.. or maybe…” Siddarth was stammering and she knew something wasn’t right. Between them.

“Ok. If you want to meet up, call me”

“I will”

They hung up.

3 days later.

Siddarth sat at the balcony fiddling his cell phone. Siddarth and Mansi never spoke after that night’s conversation. There was an awkward silence between them. He had resisted calling her for the last three days. She kept expecting his call every day and night. He finally decided to call her and dialed her number. She did not answer the call. One hour later, he called her again. There was no response. He was beginning to feel apprehensive. He had doubts if she had already left India. He called her again.

“Hello?” she answered the call.

“Hey!” Siddarth’s tone had abundant excitement.

“Finally you called!” she said.

“Yes, I did! I had over slept for three days” he said.

“So did you wake up and smell the coffee?” she asked.

He was reminded of Antara.

“Coffee?” he asked.

“Sure. How about Saturday? I’m leaving on Monday morning” she said.

“Saturday evening is perfect”

Saturday. Coffee and Stories coffee pub.

Siddarth sat there with a gift in his hand. He was unusually nervous. He had no clue how Mansi would look. He kept looking at every woman who walked in. He picked the gift and began to write something on it.

“And is that my wedding gift?” Mansi asked.

Siddarth looked up to see her. Mansi, who mercilessly pulled out his heart, packed it in a satin-wrapped box, closed it with a golden key, turned around and flung into the air. The key was lost in thin air. His heart was officially stolen.

She sat opposite to him. She was dressed in a dark top and a red skirt. Her hair was loosely tied to her back. She casually untied her hair and let it bounce on her shoulders as she picked the menu card. She wasn’t the most beautiful woman around, but she carried herself so well.

“How did you know it was me?” he asked.

“Sad Art. I can see that in you” she smiled.

“I look that pathetic?” he forced a smile.

“I was just kidding. You were the only guy sitting alone. I thought I will take a chance!” she said.

“This is for you” he said and handed over the gift to her. She could see that he was a bit nervous just like her.

“Thank you” she said and began to unwrap it. It was a book, “Coffee and Stories – A collection of short stories”.

They were silent for a while.

“We ran out of conversations already!” he said.

“Life plays brilliant games. Doesn’t it? We ran into each other. Total serendipity. Why?” she asked. He did not expect a conversation to start with this note.

“Maybe we are meant to meet for a reason?”

“And the reason is to crack some jokes about our names so that the readers can smile?”

He smiled and she returned his smile.

After their coffee they decided to go for a walk. The sky was a canopy of dark clouds that was waiting to shower right then.

“Have you danced in the rain?” she asked.

“I haven’t and I don’t intend to. Please don’t tell me if it rains you will just jump into the middle of the street and dance!” he said and just then the sky broke down. Even before he could rush for shelter she ran in the other direction. She jumped in the middle of the street and danced like no one was watching. She waved at him and asked him to join her. He wouldn’t budge. He was more paranoid about his gadgets that would be drenched in the rain. He stood there watching her dance to a music that only her heart knew.

“How happy she is? Maybe arranged marriages do work for a lot of people and they live happy” his mind was typing those words in him.

The downpour stopped and a drizzle lingered. She walked over to him all drenched.

“Whoa! Don’t you come near! Look at you!” he mocked at her.

“Simple things in life. Why don’t you just enjoy them?” she asked as she let her hair dry in the car parking area.

“Makes sense, but I can’t just get my communicator ruined in the rain. Sometimes it helps to follow the mind too” he smiled.

“I’m not surprised” she said.

Siddarth was driving her back to her place.

“I will get down here” she said all of a sudden.

“Is this your house?” he asked as he stopped before one.

“No. I will walk from here. Some issues, you see!” she smiled.

She turned around to pick the book from the backseat. Siddarth was carried away by her aura, her perfume that accentuated her body, and the wetness in her. He helped her pick the book. She opened the door and was about to step out. She turned around and looked at him.

“What?” he asked quizzically.

“Why is this happening?” she asked.

He was silent.

“What will happen if I just come away with you?” she asked.

He was taken aback.

She quickly hugged him, pecked a quick kiss on his cheek and got off the car. He saw her walking away into the darkness. In a distance, she stopped and turned around. He turned on the car lights and saw her. Pretty woman on a pretty night. He wanted to rush to her and take her back. He opened the door to get down but she turned around and walked away.

Siddarth drove back home thinking of Mansi. He couldn’t understand why she had come into his life for no reason. He tried reasoning out but failed.

A day went by in silence. It was Sunday night. Mansi’s was an early morning flight on Monday. Both never called each other. Siddarth was getting back home after a lonely dinner. As he walked to the house, he saw the main door open. He walked in to see Meera on the couch. She was drunk and he could visibly see that. She was moving restlessly and moaning.

Siddarth walked up to her and lifted her. Strong smell of liquor almost nauseated him. He did not remember a day when she was this drunk. He opened her bedroom door and stepped in. He had never been to her room and that was the first time. He put her on the bed and searched for the light switches. He switched them on and saw around. She had already removed most of the things and packed them. He saw huge suitcases near her bed. As he switched off the lights and walked to the door.

“You bastard! You ruined my life” Meera moaned in pain.

He turned around.

“I trusted you. I loved you. And you think I slept with Siddarth” she continued.

Siddarth walked over to her and knelt beside her. He didn’t like to see Meera in such a state.

“Meera This is Siddarth” he whispered.

She opened her eyes which were hurt in anguish. She quickly held Siddarth by his collar and broke down.

“What happened?” Siddarth asked.

“Prithvi broke up with me. He thinks I’ve slept with you after our marriage and he does not want to take me with him to Hong Kong” she cried.

Siddarth couldn’t believe his ears. He was beginning to feel his world blurring out right before his eyes. For a moment he wished he was invisible to everyone around.

“Everything is going to be fine. You can talk to him about it tomorrow morning and he will be fine with it. Go to sleep now” he said as he ruffled her hair.

“It won’t. We were fighting over this ever since we got married. Today it is all over. We are done with it” she said and let go off his shirt.

Siddarth was silent. He stood up to leave.

“I’m sorry Siddarth. I’ve been bad to you. Sorry” she said as he closed the door silently.

He sat in the couch and saw his own reflection on the television. He felt a million pieces of mirror around him. Each one had someone’s face in it. Just that he didn’t know which one of the pieces was to fill his puzzle in life.

He decided to go to his usual pub for a drink. He sat in his usual place and ordered for his usual drink. He wasn’t hoping for anything unusual to happen. But it did. Right next to him was Antara.

“Siddarth!” she said as she sipped her vodka.

“Hey! Long time!” he smiled and cheered with his glass of rum.

“You don’t seem fine again. The same confusion in your eyes” she said.

“Well, yea, almost”

“What is it this time?” she asked.

He remained silent. She did not insist.

“A new person in my life. She seemed almost perfect to fill my imperfect life. And then she is almost gone now. And the icing was my wife getting back home all drunk to tell me that she has broken with her boy friend. Life is sure exciting” he said and gulped his drink.

“So why did you let Mansi go away?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe she was meant to leave” he answered not realizing plot.

“What are you going to do Siddarth? Get back to Meera or go to Mansi?”

He was silent as if to think of the choices.

“Meera will find a way to get back to Prithvi. They had a fight today and they might patch up tomorrow. So you might not want to look back. Let them live their lives. If Mansi is the one, I think you should go get her”

He still remained silent. He began to like what Antara was saying. His frown turned into a smile and there was a sparkle in his eyes. He quickly dialed Mansi’s number but her cell phone was switched off. And the smile animated into a straight line.

“I think she is almost gone. I don’t have her Singapore number either. And she is getting married in a week. Would I want to mess that up? But yea, maybe I can! But this is not some kind of movie where I can rush to the airport and ask her to stay back. The police will arrest me” he said and a smile escaped out of his perplexed face.

Antara kept smiling at him.

“Hang on a sec! I never told you that the woman’s name is Mansi. How did you know that?” he asked with his eyebrows arched.

“Siddarth, Mansi is my best friend. I had given her your number the very day she landed here. And that was the night we had broken up. I asked her to call you and chat up so that you will feel light, coz she was always a refreshing person in one’s life. She had called you but you did not pick up the call. The rest is history. But looks like you guys found something in each other. She told me that too” Antara said and Siddarth couldn’t believe his ears.

Was it the liquor or was it love that gave him the high?

“Siddarth, it is high time you and Mansi find each other and be together. As soon as she lands in Singapore you can call her and surprise her. Am sure she will rush back to you” Antara said.

“Yes, I guess it is time for us to be together.... and... I think I found the piece that completes my puzzle”

Little Pieces of You (Part II)

2007-03-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

Read Little Pieces of You Part (I) here.
----------------------------------------
He woke up the next day late in the afternoon. He had slept in the living room couch and he was still wearing his shoes. He sat on the couch and looked around drowsily. There were no signs of Meera. He stood up and looked at the coffee table. Next to his cell phone was an envelope which was addressed to him. He opened the cover to read the letter inside. He saw Meera’s signature next to his. Siddarth and Meera were legally separated.

He was hungry and walked into the kitchen. There wasn’t anything to eat. He decided to call his friend out for lunch and he picked his mobile. One missed call and one new message. He opened the message first.

“Am sorry. Din mean 2 disturb u. Women r nice, ur momz a nice woman, isnt she? Dun genrlize”

He was reminded of the call with that stranger last night. That message might have been delivered twice. He looked at the missed call. Meera. He called her back.

“I won’t be home until night. Did you see the divorce papers?” Meera asked.

“Yes, I did. Congratulations to us!” Siddarth said.

Meera was silent for a while.

“Siddarth, I need one last favor”

“Hmmm”

“Don’t talk about this to our parents for another one month. I’m planning to leave the country with Prithvi. We can talk about this to our parents once I obtain my visa”

“Ok. Whatever you want” Siddarth said and hung up.

He drowsily pressed the recent calls button on the mobile and pressed call.

“Hello?” it was a woman at the other end.

Siddarth did not expect a woman’s voice as he was trying to call his friend Aman. He didn’t realize that the last but one call was made to that stranger. Mansi.

“Hi. Aman…”

“You got the number wrong. Hang on! Are you the one who called me last night as well?”

Siddarth was embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. I dialed the wrong number” he said.

“Men, can they ever be nice?” she asked.

He instantly smiled. He knew she was imitating him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to…”

She returned the smile and he could feel that on the phone.

“Hi! I’m Siddarth” he said.

“Sad Art?” she giggled.

“Well, you could call so” He was reminded of how he called Antara as Antenna.

“I’m Mansi”

“Can I call you Womansi?” he laughed.

“You are going to call me again?” she asked. Siddarth did not expect that question and he remained silent.

“Ok, then call me after 8 PM” she said.

“Err… ok, but why should I call you?”

“I don’t know. I was just being nice”

“Ok, nice woman, I haven’t had food in like 12 hours and I’m so close to passing out in hunger”

“Ohhkkk…. So you expect me to cook for you?”

“You must be a chatter box” he said.

“I would politely turn that insult down and hang up”

“I’m sorry, I was just kidding”

“No problem, call me sometime if you want to just chat up”

“Sure, I will”

Two days later.

“Siddarth, Prithvi and I are moving to Hong Kong” Meera said as she cleaned the table.

“Good for you” Siddarth said as he was scanning through the daily newspaper.

“So what are you planning to do?” Meera asked.

“How does that really matter?”

“Fine. If you don’t want to tell me, don’t”

Siddarth remained silent.

10 minutes later.

Meera sat beside Siddarth.

“We have lived in this house for more than a month. As strangers. We didn’t even try to become friends” Meera said.

“Friends? What is the point?”

“Siddarth, I understand your anger. I’m at fault. But I explained the whole story to you”

Siddarth was silent.

“You should marry someone” Meera said.

“What if one day she also walks away with another man?” he dropped the paper down and looked at Meera. He looked into her eyes and she turned away.

There was silence for a while.

“Meera. Stop all this drama. You have your life planned out. Just go ahead and party. I know how to handle my life” Siddarth said and walked into his room. She walked into hers.

One week later.

“I just called to find out if you are still Sad Art” Mansi had called Siddarth out of the blue one evening while he was driving back home.

“Well, let us just say Bored Art” Siddarth laughed.

“I was bored too. And then while looking for a friend’s number, I spotted your name Sad Art on my mobile”

He continued to laugh.

“So what are you doing Mr. Sad Art?”

“Number one. Call me Siddarth. Number two. Call me Siddarth”

She laughed.

“At the moment I’m driving. If I continue speaking and driving, I might just hit a truck and go to heaven”

“Ouch! That will be Bad Art! Or maybe Road Art! Ok, my sense of humor sucks! Get back home and call me” she said.

Siddarth wasn’t sure if he will and they hung up.

Two weeks went by swiftly. In those two weeks, Siddarth and Mansi spent almost every night speaking to each other one phone. They talked about movies, the World Cup 2007, theatre, books, gadgets, and even philosophy. They knew they were just filling in each one’s nights and not even a single night did they share their personal lives. Siddarth had forgotten about his past and every evening he looked forward to getting back home early so that he will have more time on the phone with Mansi. She was the solace that he wasn’t even looking for. She was a surprise in his life. That night he decided to share his personal life with her. He wasn’t aware of what was waiting for him.

“How come we have never spoken about our personal lives all these nights?” Siddarth asked Mansi.

“Maybe we are not interested in that. We are happy this way, aren’t we?” she said.

“But I want to know you. I want you to know me”

She was silent.

“We have spent these nights in laughter and arguments over all things in life. What is the point?” he asked.

“Why do you want to search meanings for everything? Why can’t life be just simple?” she asked.

He thought about it for a moment. “Why can’t life be just simple?”

“Ok, tell me Siddarth. Are you 65 years old? Married. Two children. They are married too. 3 Grand children?”

“And 18 wives!” he completed it for her.

“Not bad. You must be a good looking guy then” she laughed.

“I’m married Mansi. It is almost two months since the marriage. With Meera”

There was silence at the other end.

“And I got the divorce two weeks back”

“Oh! I’m sorry” she broke the silence.

“Meera wanted it. She is happy with another man and I spend my nights talking to strangers” he said.

They remained silent for a while.

“And… we didn’t live happily ever after. The End. Now you may break the silence too” he laughed.

“I’m sorry Siddarth. But? But why?”

“On our wedding, she told me she was seeing someone else. She married me because of her parents. They already knew about Prithvi. They forced her into the wedding. She finally gave in with a plan of divorcing me later. I was so oblivious to all these drama”

“That is really bad”

“After the wedding it was almost impossible for me to convince her. She already had a plan and I was just a part of it” Siddarth’s heart felt lighter have blurted it out.

“It must be hard for your parents”

“They don’t know yet. Meera is leaving India in two weeks. She does not want me to talk about it until then”

“I’m sorry, but I have a very bad feeling about your wife. She definitely does not deserve you”

“I was ready for an arranged marriage. I was ready for Meera. I liked the very first day I saw her at her house. I was so excited about our wedding. I had nurtured our dreams of being together in a family. But all those were very short-lived. Just few hours. And now my idea of an arranged marriage has taken a back seat” he said.

“That freaks me out”

“Why?” he asked.

“I’m getting married in two weeks and it is an arranged marriage too”
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To be continued...

Psst: Part 3, the final part is almost done. Hang in there :)

Little Pieces of You (Part I)

2007-03-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

It was their wedding night. Siddarth kept looking at her while she sat there at the edge of the bed beautifully draped in a red saree. They had been silent for over five minutes and she never looked at him. He ran his eyes all over her. His wife. His life by choice. She looked pretty. Meera. He stood up from his chair and walked to her. He stood in front of her and lifted her face. He had wanted to see her up close. He never had time to spend with her after they were engaged just a week ago.

“Hi” he said and smiled.

She looked at him. Into his eyes. He looked at her. Into her eyes that was welling up.

“It is ok. I know how you feel having left home and getting into a new home and all that. Everything is going to be fine” he said and held her hand to give her the assurance.

She pulled away, stood up and walked to the window. She opened the window and let the breeze in. He saw her ear rings sway to it. He switched off the light and switched on the lamp beside their bed. He walked up to her and hugged her from behind. He kissed on her ear and she quickly turned around. He moved closer to kiss her on her lips. Her lips finally uttered, “I’m seeing someone else”.

Two weeks later.

“I will be late. I’m going out with Prithvi” Meera said as she picked her car key.

Siddarth did not respond. He was watching footages of Iraq blasts on youtube. She did not wait for him to acknowledge. She walked out while calling someone on her cell phone. As the door closed behind him, he walked to the balcony to see her drive away. It has been two weeks since they moved to their new apartment. It has been a week since he saw her drive away to be with another man. A man she has been in love for two years.

It was a Saturday night and Siddarth felt blue sitting at home and spending time on the Internet. All his friends were busy with their families. He decided to walk into the pub and get sloshed just because he wanted to get rid of the impossibilities in his life. As he ordered for his drink at the pub, he looked around to see familiar faces. There weren't any. One by one he gulped down his drinks.

“You seem worried today?” someone asked.

He turned around to see her. Antara. Voluptuous. Sultry.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Angel. God sent me here. To keep you in good company”

“Corny crap” he said and turned around.

She remained silent and ordered for her drink. Siddarth turned around and looked at her. She definitely was attractive.

“So…” he said.

She did not respond.

“Angel has a name?” he asked.

“Antara” she said and sipped her glass of red wine.

“Antenna?” he asked.

“Are you trying to be funny or are you just drunk? If you are trying to be funny, it sucks big time” she snapped.

“I’m not drunk. I’m just getting bad at conversations with women. Feels like ages” he said and turned back.

“Single and lonely… hmmm” she said.

“No married and lonely” he said.

“Ouch! That is even worse” she replied in a tone that lacked any emotion.

“What is your story like?” he asked her.

“What story? I don’t have one. At least not as happening as yours” she smiled.

“You have an attitude, don’t you?” he asked.

“Yea, maybe” she shrugged.

“That is nice” he smiled.

There was silence for a while.

“I have to go. I will be thrown to the streets if I don’t reach my paying guest accommodation before 11.30” she said and picked her bag.

“Do you want me to drop you Antenna?” Siddarth asked and smiled.

“No Mister Whatever. I will be fine”

“Mister Siddarth, that is” he said.

“Good night Siddarth” she said and walked away.

He turned around and emptied his glass. He paid for his drinks and walked out to see her waiting for a cab. He pulled out his car and halted before her.

“I charge less than cabs and I’m a nice guy” he smiled as he opened the door for her.

She sat inside and told him where she had to go.

“What do you do Antenna?” he asked.

“Stop calling me antenna! I work for a PR agency”

“No wonder…”

“Complete the statement will you?”

“Never mind” he smiled cynically.

In a while they reached her place.

“I’m sorry, I can’t call you inside and thanks for dropping me” she said and stepped out.

“Sure” he said.

She stood outside waiting for him to leave and he sat inside waiting for her to leave.

“You have exactly 2 minutes to be thrown out on the streets” he said showing his watch.

“Oh yea, I better be going” she said and closed the gate behind.

He waited for a couple of minutes and as he was about to leave, he saw her on the balcony of the house. She stood there showing him signs. He did not understand it first. Then he realized that she was showing signs of some numbers. He pulled out his mobile and entered her number and pressed Call. She waved at him with her glowing mobile. They stored each other’s numbers.

One week later.

“Siddarth, you are so much fun to be with. Meera must be unlucky to have married you and not have you in her life” Antara said as they were driving back to her PG after a movie.

“I’m happy I met you Antenna. You are so much fun too” Siddarth said.

She got off the car and waited for him to leave.

“Go away. Shoo shoo!” she laughed.

He got off the car, looked around, ad walked up to her.

“You left something” he said and walked up to her.

She looked at his empty hand and asked “What is it?”

He moved close to her and kissed her on her cheek and walked back to his car. She stood there smiling at him.

“A kiss on the cheek. What a man are you?” she asked naughtily.

“A man who wouldn’t kiss a woman on her lips unless he has the permission” he said and started his car. She quickly got into the car.

“You got two minutes to be thrown on the streets…” he said and she kissed him on his lips. They kissed for a very long time.

“You are on the streets now” he whispered as they were kissing.

“Take me home” she said.

3 days later.

Siddarth called Antara and asked her out for coffee that evening.

At the Coffee and Stories coffee pub.

They were silent while she was savoring her Americano while he was sipping his usual Latte.

“Why have we been silent for the past 3 days?” he asked not looking at her.

She did not respond.

“Are we going to be silent for a very long time?” he persisted.

She did not speak.

“We made love. That has changed the whole world, hasn’t it?” his tone was angry.

“Love? Where did that come from? We just needed sex. You needed it even more than I needed it. Married yet single” she said.

“Are you trying to defend yourself by being offensive?”

“I’m just telling you that we did NOT wake up to smell the coffee”

He was silent.

“YOU did not wake up to smell the coffee” he said in a sober tone.

She looked up at him. His face had drained.

“Siddarth. This is not happening. We must have been drunk the other night. You are married. I’m not here to change your life”

“But why? You seem so perfect for me” Siddarth said.

“Don’t tell me you are in love with me. I would just stand up and walk away from this place forever” she said looking into his eyes.

He did not respond. She stood up, picked her bag and walked out of the coffee shop. He did not look back at her. He knew she wasn’t coming back.

Few hours later.

He sat inside his car watching the rains hit the car. He thought about the wedding. Meera. He thought about a love life that barged in. Antara. He wanted to talk to somebody. Badly. He pulled out his mobile. 1 missed call. It was a new number. He called the number back.

“Hi! I just had a missed call from this number. Who is this?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, I dialed the number wrong. I realized it only after listening to your caller tune” she must have smiled. Siddarth wasn’t in a mood for giggles.

“You dial it wrong and you don’t call or message back saying you were wrong. Women! Can they ever be nice?” Siddarth’s tone was rude.

There was silence at the other end. He hung up.

He began to drive sipping his Café Latte. That was the only solace at that moment. Apart from the rain.
He received an SMS. “Am sorry. Din mean 2 disturb u. Women r nice, ur momz a nice woman, isnt she? Dun genrlize”

He threw his mobile on the dashboard. It was 11 in the night. He decided to hit the bar and get sloshed. On second thoughts he stopped on the middle of one of his favorite over bridges in the town which was deserted at that hour. He got down, sat in front of the car and let the rains lash on him. His mobile kept flashing behind him. He stayed there oblivious to the call from Meera and a message from that stranger. Mansi.

To be continued...
-----------------------------
I haven't written the next part. I don't know if it is the last in the series or if it is going to be in multiple parts. Just hang in there, and I promise to write better than this :)

This makes it 50 stories on this blog and almost 200 members on the Orkut community. Thank You :)

Stranger by my side

2007-02-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

Note: Truly Fiction.Logic Ignored.Facts Unverified.
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“Coffee?” Siddarth asked his friend Aman who was sitting next to him at their work bay.

“You can’t survive without coffee, can you?” he asked lazily.

“I will die without it! It is 4 already”

“Who knows you might even die drinking too much of it”

“That would be death by coffee! I totally game for it!”

“God bless you”

They walked to the canteen through the garden and by the pool.Siddarth kept watching every step of his. He walked differently and this was beginning to bother Aman. All of a sudden, "Watch out!” Siddarth screamed and pushed Aman who was walking to his left. Aman tripped down while Siddarth stood there looking at the pool. He heaved a sigh of relief and turned around to look at Aman.

“Why did you fall down?” Siddarth asked innocently.

“Are you being serious about all this? You pushed me down you dumb f***!” Aman said still sprawled on the ground like a run over frog.

“How about giving me a hand?” Aman asked Siddarth who was looking at the pool again.
Siddarth pulled him up.

“What was it? Is there something in the pool?” Aman asked as he dusted his back.

“Mansi” Siddarth said.

“Mansi who?” Aman peeked into the pool. He looked at Siddarth bewildered. Aman took a step forward to get a closer look. “Watch out!” Siddarth screamed again.

“What is it now?” Aman was getting restless and he began to sense that something was not normal around.

“You were about to stamp her” Siddarth said as he walked away from Aman.

“Stamp who?” Aman looked around.

“Mansi”

“Ok, stop kidding. It is going a bit overboard”

“Coffee! Quick!” Siddarth said and walked forward. Aman followed him with a confused look.

They sat down with their coffee mugs. Aman took a quick sip of his coffee and placed the mug on the table. Siddarth picked his mug and placed it elsewhere on the table. Aman did not bother. They were chatting for a while over coffee and cookies. Aman finished his coffee and placed the mug in the same place where he had placed it the first time. Again Siddarth picked his empty mug and placed it away from that place.

“Are you trying to be funny or something? I really don’t get the catch. Help me” Aman said.

“You are placing the cup on Mansi. Don’t do that” Siddarth said and emptied his mug.

Aman did not react. He did not even blink.

“Shall we leave?” Siddarth asked.

“Not until you tell me who Mansi is” Aman said and folded his hands.

“Ah! Look who is getting jealous!” Siddarth said.

“Oh yea! Now this is really funny! Cut the crap and sit down” Aman said.

Siddarth saw the table as he sat down.

“I see Mansi” Siddarth said in a mellowed tone. Aman did not talk. He was waiting for Siddarth to explain it to him.

“I see her right here. I see her quite often. I see her in my shadow. I see her every time there is a shadow around me. I see her face. And the blood is still fresh. When I touch her, I still feel the warm blood. She moves around me. I see her only when I see my own shadow. She lives in my shadow. She is not dead. She wanted to live” Siddarth said and gasped for breath.

Aman was shocked at those uninterrupted words of Siddarth.

“Siddarth. I know you are such a prankster. But you are really freaking me out. Can we just stop this shit?”

Siddarth looked at Aman. “I’m not kidding Aman. I see Mansi. I have been seeing her ever since that accident. She follows me everywhere… in my shadow. Every time I see my own shadow I see her. Her face…. the blood… her pain and her last few words” Siddarth said looking into Aman’s eyes.Aman finally believed that it wasn’t a joke after all. He was reminded of the accident that took place near their office two days earlier.

It was 3 PM. Siddarth and Aman had gone out for lunch to meet their college friend and was returning late to their office. They were waiting to get across the busy main road. Siddarth kept complaining about the scorching summer sun and the sweltering heat that was blinding his vision of the road. He saw the mirage as he stepped forward to cross the road. Just then a car speeded in and Aman ran across the road while Siddarth moved back to the pavement. All of it happened in that split second. Aman running across the road to the other end. Siddarth stepping back. A woman being hit by the speeding car. The screeching of the car. The shattered glasses. And the silence after that. Siddarth did not understand what was happening around. He looked back to see the burning sun for no reason and looked down to see his own shadow. He saw her on his shadow. Blood ran down her nose and head. Her face was on his shadow. She was looking at him with moist eyes. Siddarth consciously knelt down beside her and remained there motionless. “Save me. Call someone. I need to live” she gasped for breath. Siddarth still couldn’t understand what was happening around him. He looked around and people started gathering around him. His shadow disappeared and she was dead.

“Siddarth, I still don’t want to believe this. But how do you know her name?” Aman asked after jolting out of thinking what happened on that fateful evening.

“I don’t know. I just named her so ever since I began to see her in my shadow”

“Ok, this is going overboard. Can we get back to work?”

They walked to the office in silence. Aman kept tracing the shadow of Siddarth and managed not to stamp it. He wasn’t feeling good about Siddarth and his illusion of a dead person on his own shadow.

A week passed by and Aman was worried about Siddarth. Every time they go out for lunch or coffee Siddarth was acting weird. Siddarth had once picked up a fight with another colleague just because he had walked before him. He had walked over his shadow and that led to Siddarth’s wrath. His colleagues too were beginning to notice the change in him.

Aman did not want to speak about this to Siddarth’s parents and upset them. So he decided to consult a doctor himself and help Siddarth. He met his friend’s mother who was a psychiatrist. She was surprised at what Siddarth was going through but gave Aman the confidence that it was just matter of time and the illusion in his mind would fade away.

“The incident has affected him a lot. Although she is a stranger, she died before his eyes and he is not able to get over it. The first and final glimpse of that lady was in his shadow and he must have already been weary on that hot day. His mind has captured her face in his own shadow. Now every time he sees his own shadow he is just reminded of that lady. This will fade away with time. All you need to do is see to it that he does not get aggressive with others. This might spoil his reputation. As far as I hear from you about him, I think he is very normal. Why don’t you bring him some time so that I can get to know about it better?” the psychiatrist said.

Aman was relieved. He decided to talk Siddarth about it the next day at the coffee table.
They grabbed their coffee mugs and sat in the same table under the light. Aman purposefully placed the mug over Siddarth’s faint shadow. Siddarth quickly moved his mug.

“How many times have I told you not to place it on Mansi?” Siddarth said in an angered tone.

“Siddarth, you need help!” Aman said.Siddarth placed his mug beside the shadow and looked at Aman.

“So you think I’m abnormal?”

“Of course not! But you are sensible enough to understand that it is just an illusion. When you can be this sensible, why do you have to act paranoid about the shadow?”

“Paranoid? I’m not having this conversation with you Aman” Siddarth said.

“Siddarth, just come with me to my friend’s mother. Just once”

“What is she? Mind reader? Voodoo woman?” Siddarth was obviously hurt.

“Shut up! She is a psychiatrist”

Siddarth stood up and walked out of that place. Aman sat there looking at Siddarth’s shadow fade away.

That evening they were at the same road after lunch waiting to cross the road. It was 2 PM. Aman kept looking at Siddarth, his shadow, and how careful he acted in that busy road. While Siddarth was on the pavement waiting for the green pedestrian signal, his shadow was on the road close to him. The red signal flashed and all vehicles came to a halt. A car slowed right before Siddarth and stalled over his shadow. Before Aman could realize what was happening, Siddarth picked a stone and pelted at the car. The glasses shattered on the road and the furious driver got down to hit Siddarth. After few minutes of mayhem, Siddarth, Aman, and the driver were at the local police station. Siddarth agreed to pay for the damages and finally he was set free that night.

“I can’t see him go through all these. It is getting difficult day after day. I can’t get him to meet you too. What shall I do?” Aman asked the psychiatrist.

“I have been thinking about it too and have discussed this with a few friends of mine. One way to clear his mind of that vivid image is to go the same way. Give him a similar shock” the doctor said.

“How do we do that? Will he be aware of that? I don’t think he will co-operate”

“He will not know that. Listen to this plan. It can be done only by you”

“Please go on. I’m ready to do anything”

“Take him to the railway crossing in the outskirts. There is one after the Nehru Nagar station. There is a floodlight close to that crossing. A very bright one. They usually switch it on at 6 PM. When you stand beneath lights such as those, you can see multiple shadows around you”

“Oh yea, I understand. Like the one you see during day and night cricket matches. You can see many shadows around the same person”

“Exactly! You need to go to that railway crossing by 5.30 PM. Take Siddarth towards the track such that he can see his shadow, which will be faint at that hour, on the railway tracks. A train comes every 15 minutes. At 5.30 when the train comes, Siddarth will try to move away from the track so that the shadow is not hurt. Let him do that. You need to get him again to the tracks at 5.45 PM. Do the same thing. But at 6 PM you need to hold him tight so that he can’t move from the tracks. The train will have to run over the shadow. Just when he rebels the flood lights will be switched on. Siddarth will definitely try to spot the shadow but then he will get to see multiple shadows. He would have lost that face to all the shadows”Aman had goose bumps. He couldn’t believe what was being told.

“Looks impossible?” the doctor asked.

Aman did not respond.

“Aman, this is just an experiment. It might work or it might not. We will try” the doctor consoled.

“I need to go through all the pressure. How will I take him there and convince him to stand beside the railway tracks?”

“You need to do it Aman. We will do something about it”

“But will everything work out well? What if the train is delayed? What if they don’t switch on the lights at the right time?”

“We will hope that it works as planned. If it does not then we will try the same experiment after a week”

The next day at 5.30 PM, after great efforts and cajoling, Siddarth went with Aman to the railway crossing. As expected, the train came at 5.30. Siddarth immediately moved back when the train neared the shadow.

“Why are we standing this close to the train? We could kill ourselves. You said your friend would be coming here. Is she coming in this train?”, Siddarth asked.

“err.. ye… yea, she is coming in that train” Aman stammered.

“Well… and I hope you aren’t waiting for her to jump off the running train” Siddarth laughed.

“No… hmmm… she said she would wave from the train”

“Get a life man! What sort of romance is this?”

“Oh come on, you don’t know that cheap thrill that you get out of this” Aman made an effort to be relaxed.

It was 5.50 PM and the second train, as expected, did not pass by. The shadow was beginning to disappear. Aman was agitated.

“So when is the train coming?”, Siddarth asked.

“I seriously don’t know what went wrong. Why is the second train not coming?”

“Second train?”

“Never mind” Aman said and looked into the endless track.

It was 6 PM and they could faintly hear the siren of the train.

“It is coming! It is coming!” Aman was excited. He kept his fingers crossed and his eyes were almost crossed too.

“Did I just lose my friend Aman to some mad disease?” Siddarth laughed at the excited Aman.

Aman kept looking at the speeding train. He held Siddarth’s hand as he moved closer to the track. Siddarth kept retracting looking at his shadow. Aman held him tightly. The floodlights were switched on immediately even before the train crossed them. Aman looked around the shadows around him and Siddarth. There were plenty of shadows of them and the train was nearing them. Aman was totally confused as to what was happening at that moment. The last he remembered was Siddarth moving away from him and getting closer to the floodlights while Aman was standing very close to the train. The noise of the speeding train and the fast gushing air against him toppled his senses for a split second. All the chaos came to a stand still a few seconds later. Siddarth looked around him, at all the shadow reflections. He tried searching for Mansi. She was not there. All he could see was black patches of his own shadow. He frantically looked around but he couldn’t see her. She was gone. From his shadows. Aman stood there looking at his own shadows. He saw Mansi.... in each one of his own shadows.

<----------------END---------------->

I have a question for you! Now when you look at your own shadow (come on! look around!), whose face do you see? Whose face would you want to see in it?

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Psst: Next time you see a shadow and you are reminded of this story, I'm no way responsible!

Life is calling. Where are you? (daily cookies!)

2006-12-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Cookies: This is the last serving for the year 2006. This time it is cookies along with coffee and stories. 6 cookies actually. The last cookie will be served on 31st :)

Stories: “Life is calling. Where are you?” is Smirnoff’s AD line. The stories in this post is no way related to Smirnoff or alcohol. The AD line has been used in different connotations (or should I say concoctions?!).

Coffee: And hey, Life is calling. Where are you? Get, set and go for it – 2007! Thanks for reading Coffee and Stories. Thanks for being with the Coffee and Stories community on Orkut as well. Never expected 150 members already :) Continue to stay for more stories with coffee of all flavors!
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[Cookie 6] The Elevator

The elevator opened and he walked into it thinking about the party that night for New Year. He pressed Floor 21 and waited for the door to close. As the door closed in front of him he saw a woman’s reflection on the door. There was nobody else in the elevator. She was standing behind him and reading Paulo Coelho’s ‘Eleven Minutes’. He couldn’t help but look at her time and again, not because she was strikingly beautiful, not because she was reading a book that he had just read, not because she was in a pretty black long skirt and black tops, not because the lift smelled good because of her. It was just for a simple reason that she was Mansi. And he felt something different in her presence. “Nice book” he said as he kept looking at her on the mirror door. She looked up to see him. Siddarth. She smiled and said, “Yea, I like it so far”. “I liked the way life was compared to a roller coaster ride”. “Yes, the thought was good. I liked it too”. She said. “I’m Siddarth” he introduced himself. She smiled naughtily and remained silent. “And your name is silence?” he asked. “Mansi” she said and smiled at him. He retuned her naughty smile and by then it was the 21st floor. Siddarth looked at the buttons and she was supposed to go to the 36^th floor. He did not step out. He let the doors close and pressed the Floor 35 button. “Mansi!” he uttered. “Siddarth” she uttered. “Have you read Coffee and Stories? I’m reminded of the Mansi in that” he said. “Yes, I have and that is the same reason I was reminded of Coffee and Stories as well. Siddarth!” she said. “Why is that they never end up being together in his stories?” he asked. “I had the same doubt. Siddarth and Mansi have the perfect chemistry but they never end up being together” she said. There was silence for a few seconds before the elevator stopped at the 35^th floor. The door opened, he faintly smiled at her looking at her reflection on the door and stepped out without looking back. As he stepped out, he read a banner right before him, “Life is calling. Where are you?”. He immediately turned around to the door that just closed and pressed the elevator button. The door opened again slowly. “Coffee?” he quickly asked with a wide smile on his face. The elevator was empty.

[Cookie 5] Him and Her

“I never loved you and I never will”, Sahana said as she washed the dishes. “I know. I’m just asking you to work on it. We are married for three months now. We have spent the nights and weekends together. We have gone a long way in these three months”, Valay said as he helped her clean the table. “But it doesn’t seem to work. I find myself forcing into something that was never mine. This life I mean” she said. “This is how arranged marriages work. We accepted to marry a stranger and live our life together, in harmony, forever” he said. “Is it interesting Valay? Waking up everyday and making an effort to live through it with a stranger?” she was done with the dishes and walked into the living room. He decided to make a coffee for himself. He preferred coffee anytime of the day or night. She preferred tea. He sat opposite to her with his coffee mug. She was browsing through a magazine. “Why are we strangers even after three months? Why haven’t we even thought about becoming friends?” he asked. She did not look up. As she kept turning the pages, “Maybe we were stubborn about accepting the stranger into our lives?”. “Yeah, Maybe. Or maybe we were afraid of losing our identity as a single person when we share the life with that stranger”. “Why can’t we just stay single? We got jobs. We got money. We have the freedom to visit countries” she said and spotted an article on Bali. She showed it to him. “This is what I’m talking about. I want to be there. Enjoying all by myself or just backpack with my friends”. He smiled. “You could do that with a stranger as well. Makes it interesting” he said as he placed the empty coffee mug on the table. She did not respond. “It is New Year’s eve and I’m here reading magazines” she sighed. “Nobody stopped you from partying tonight with your friends” he said. His tone revealed that he was offended. “All my friends are out there with their boy friends and husbands”. “I could have come along. To be with you. Why aren’t you accepting the fact that we are married and that I can be by your side all the time?” he asked. She remained silent. “I’m going to sleep” she said and stood up to leave. “You won’t really work on our family, will you?” he asked as he switched on the television. She stood at the door of their bedroom. “Life is calling. Where are you?” flashed on the screen. Valay gave a cynical smile. “Where are we?” he asked. “You won’t give up on me, will you?” she asked. He did not respond and she turned around to open the door. “Maybe I will” he said. She looked back not expecting his response. “Yea, I will. I think I lost. But then I think this is how it has to happen. Let us walk our own paths”. She stood there silent not expecting this from him. He stood up and picked his car key. “I’m going out to party with my friends and their families. I don’t have a family now. I don’t regret. Life is calling and I’m leaving” he said and walked out of the house.

[Cookie 4] The RJ

He was taking the calls that were coming in. People were cheerful as it was the final day of 2006. Everybody was dedicating songs to their beloved ones. Few dedicated the song for him as well. Aniket was the most popular RJ in town. Everybody loved his voice and his sense of humor. He effortlessly made people smile with his quirk comments. Some girls called just to flirt with him. People called him to share their worries as well. He listened to them patiently. He never gave solutions but just listened and suggested them ways to distract themselves from the worries that they carried. What he never realized was that he was accumulating all those worries in an invisible bag in that small room where he spoke to strangers. It was New Year’s eve and the whole world was going berserk while he had retired quietly in that small room. People were having fun outside listening to the songs that he played for them. “Happy New Year Aniket!” a hi-volt tone came on air. “Thank you! Hope you are having a great beginning of 2007! Who is this?”, he asked. He was not in a mood to flirt. “Sarika. I’m here driving down to my friend’s place and thought I should give it a try”, she said. “Slumber party at your friend’s place?” he asked. “No. Voodoo party” she said and laughed. “Sounds interesting. Can I be the voodoo doll please?” he asked instantly. She did not expect that. “We don’t want you to be a voodoo doll Aniket. You are the best RJ in town” she said on noticing his weak voice. For the first time Aniket did not respond properly to a caller. He was silent. “Aniket! Are you there? What plans for the New Years? Just a few more hours to go!”, she said. “No plans yet. While the whole world is out there partying I’m here in this room with no one around. Yet I’m entertaining a lot of people out there. Shouldn’t I be happy?” he smiled and she could sense it. “Wishing you a great year ahead Aniket” she said. “You have a blast! Thanks for calling!”. He had forgotten to get her song dedication and played his favorite number instead. As he sank into the chair thinking about his best friend Tamanna, his mobile vibrated. He picked it up and looked at the display. It blinked “Life is calling”. It was Tamanna. He had entered her name as ‘Life’. He promptly answered it and asked, “Where are you?”

[Cookie 3] Friends Forever

“I’m going home. For good”, he said as he was taking the coffee mug out of the coffee vending machine. He wasn’t prepared to turn back and see their faces. He didn’t know if they were going to be happy or angry. He turned around and kept looking into the coffee mug. There was silence and the other five in the room were still etched to the wall waiting for Aman to explain his statement. Aman looked up and saw their faces with a question mark on each one of them. “I’m quitting my job. I’m going back to my country. For good”, he said and stirred the coffee. He didn’t realize that he was actually stirring each one’s heart. There was anger. There were tears. There was sheer madness of not accepting what was to happen in a couple of weeks. Aman found it hard explaining it to his friends about leaving the place. It had taken time to settle down, the chaos of friendship. Of not accepting separation. Of not accepting reality. A week was gone and Aman had the best time of his life with his friends. He spent every possible moment with them. The countdown was painful. He had only 24 hours in that country. They had only 2 hours to be with him. They drove down to the beach and made a racket. They had joy. They had fun. Seasons under the sun. It was time for him to leave. He sat inside the flight reading and replying to the last minute text messages. He was determined not to cry. Not to show off how weak he could get when going away from friends and have a least chance of meeting them again in life. But then a tear emerged breaking his rule. He looked down at the runway. He wished he could just jump out of the flight and rush back to his friends. It would have been stupid. He had a life. They had theirs. He sank into the chair and fastened his seatbelts as if to fasten his thoughts. He was already missing them. He already felt the distance even before the flight took off. Just as he was to switch off his phone, he received an SMS from his friends: “Where are you?”. He switched it off without responding. Two months passed by. He began to accept the distance. He got back on track with his life at his hometown. Of familiar people, sounds, and senses. It was New Year’s eve and Aman was at a party at a hotel. He moved around the crowd greeting friends and grabbing something to bite. As he walked around he saw a banner that read: “Life is calling. Where are you?”. As if an avalanche was launched, memories of his friends rushed in. “Where are you?” he murmured and pulled out his mobile to text them. “Life is calling Aman. Where have you been?” someone asked. He looked around to see his five friends standing right before him. His heart almost skipped a beat. “This can’t be happening” he said. “It has happened”, one of them said. “We are here on a vacation” another said. “And decided to surprise you” another one added. Aman was still frozen. “Happy New year Aman! Cheers to our friendship!” they said. And the dream bubble burst. He wished his friends were with him. They weren’t. And the party began.

[Cookie 2] 51 Pins

Diya sat there without uttering anything. She was feeling low and lonely ever since she left home and joined the hostel. Although she had many friends at the hostel, she still felt alienated. It was New Year’s Eve and all her friends had gone home for vacation. She stayed back because her parents had left to the US to be with her brother. She took a stroll down the hostel park and sat beside the empty dry pool. It was chilly but she preferred it. She ruffled the moist leaves in the pool with her legs. “Can I sit here?” Rihaan asked. She looked up. Her green eyes didn’t smile at him. “Sure” she said and moved a bit so that Rihaan could sit next to her. They were silent. Rihaan was her fellow mate in her special electives class but they had never spoken to each other. “Haven’t gone home for vacation?” he initiated a conversation. “Nope. Parents not in town” she said. “Same here. They do it every year. When the New Year is born, I find myself confined to a room either at home or at the hostel. I never know how it is to be out there” he said. “I don’t think it is much a difference out there. Getting drunk and wishing every other stranger is not the way to welcome New Year” she said assertively. “True. I’m with you on that” he said. “How do you think an ideal New Year would be?” she asked. “I don’t believe in the concept of new year. Why January 1? Just because it is defined in a calendar, right? I would define a new year whenever am reborn after difficult times. I would want a new year’s party every time I feel happy accomplishing something” he said. “Makes sense. But it is a very difficult thought. The concept of New Year and big time celebrations will go on forever. It is a universal thing all across the globe” she said. “Yes it is. Just that I don’t buy the concept” he said. She was silent and went into her world of loneliness. She carried a bag full of them. He stood up and walked away not telling her anything. She turned around and saw him walk away. She did not call him. He came back after ten minutes and sat next to her. He held an envelope in his hand. “What is it?” she asked inquisitively. “It is for you” he said and gave it to her. Her eyes widened and her green eyes were twinkling with curiosity. She held the cover and noticed that it was stapled multiple times. “Too many staple pins on it” she said. “Yes. There are 51 pins on them. If you really care to read the message inside this envelope pull out each one of them. One by one. And I will be back in a while” he said and left. She placed the envelope next to her and stared into the darkness. Not able to wait, she quickly took the envelop and carefully pulled out the pins one after the other. It took sometime for her to pull them out and finally she was done with the fifty first pin. She pulled out the paper inside and read:

I hope you would have diverted your mind for at least 15 minutes….from the worries that were troubling you. It is that easy. Now if this threw a smile on you, please throw it back on me.
And hey, Life is calling. Where are you?

She folded the paper and turned around to see Rihaan. He stood there waiting and she threw the smile back on him. A new friendship thus rose on the eve of a brand new year.

[Cookie 1] The Pizza Boy

The pizza delivery boy stepped out of the Pizza joint. He had just fifteen minutes to deliver the pizza otherwise 1% of his day’s salary will be deducted for every delayed minute. He hopped onto his bike. He had one at home in which he went to college in the morning. He was given another at work. He delivered pizzas in the evening until midnight just for extra pocket money. He was happy with his job. He felt good about delivering food to hungry people. Some people tipped him plenty. Some people just appreciated him for delivering it on time. In the three months that he had been working for that Pizza joint, he never delivered the pizza late. Not even once. It was the eve of New Years. The orders for pizza poured in and it was a busy evening. The pizza boy got on his bike. He had four pizzas to be delivered in less than thirty minutes within the same locality. The clock was ticking. He wanted to deliver the pizzas and get back home to his family to welcome the New Year. The New Year’s eve traffic was mad. He still managed to wade through the traffic and reached all the three houses. He was on his way to the last one for that evening. He rushed through the busy main road frantically, yet he obeyed all traffic rules. All the three houses had tipped him good and he wanted to get a cake for his family with that. He was at the traffic signal waiting for the green signal. The last house was just a road away. The green signal flashed in and he moved ahead quickly not noticing the truck that had crossed the red signal on the right side. He rammed into the truck and was thrown a few feet away from his bike. He fell down hard while his head which was safeguarded with a helmet banged against the road. He couldn’t understand what was happening. There was too much smoke around him. The bike had skidded. His leg was bruised hard and he felt numb. His eyes were forcefully closing in. He was fighting back something. He was giving up a little later. As his eyes were closing in, he saw a huge billboard. It read, “Life is calling. Where are you?”. He knew his life was calling. His family was. He decided not to close his eyes. He let people carry him and put him in the ambulance. He woke up to life.

The Colorless Soul

2006-12-18T02:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever loved a woman so much that you can give your everything for her? Have you ever been in love with a woman who can erase your past, camouflage your future and beautify your present just by being in it for you? I have. Siddarth. I’m dead. It is all over. I died in a snap of a finger and left her all alone in lost love and agony. Mansi.

After one week, I saw her sleep on our bed. Her bed. She must have cried all night. I saw how bad the kohl had disfigured her beautiful eyes. She always had a thin line of kohl embellishing the rim of her eyes. That day, she lay there with ruffled hair and puffed eyes. The kohl on her eyes looked no more beautiful. It must have been really cold. The windows were open. Yet she lay there on the bed hugging the pillow. My pillow. She let the cold winter wind cruise her body. Maybe she needed the chillness. Maybe she just needed me. “Wake up Mansi. Let us have coffee”, I whispered. She opened her eyes as if she heard me. I wish she did. I wished I could have conversations with her. I wished I made her feel my presence. She lazily saw the clock beside her. It was 7.30 AM. A lazy Sunday. Maybe she was reminded of the Sunday rule. I cook. I do the dishes. She is the boss for the day. Who is going to cook for her today? Who is going to get her the coffee now?

She got off the bed and stepped into her slip-ons. She walked into the kitchen to make herself a coffee. She stood by the coffeemaker and kept thinking about something. I wished I could be beside her and make that coffee for her. Just coffee. No sugar. No milk. She liked it that way. But I was right next to her and she will never realize how close. She made the coffee and walked towards the balcony. On her way, she stood by the mirror and looked at the kohl around her eyes. She placed the coffee mug on the table and pulled out a tissue to wipe off the kohl. It was gone. But yet the pain in her eyes lurked. She must have been starved of smiles. She walked to the balcony and sat in her couch looking at my couch with yearning eyes. When will she ever give up? Of these little things that reminded her of me. Of our Sundays together. Of how we used to have long conversations over coffee. How we used to argue over petty things. Once we ended up arguing about Laloo Prasad Yadav. She felt he had a cool hair style. I thought otherwise. She wouldn’t give up. Finally I gave up, as usual, just for her, and also agreed to have such hair style when I grow old. She was happy. Here she is, staring into the dazed wintry sky. Into the emptiness.

She sat there in silence for over an hour until the sky gave up and poured. A surprise shower on a cold winter day. The rain lashed into the balcony and on her. She sat there unperturbed. Of the rain. Not of the pain. Rain water fell into the coffee and the bamboo couch was getting wet. She sat there staring into the dark sky. Her face looked pale. She must be crying. I couldn’t make it out as the rain drops were perched on her face and flowed down as if to feel her. How long will she sit there and let the rain ransack her body? Her emotions. Her loneliness. Will the rain flush down her pregnant mind? She might have heard me. She stood up and walked into the house. Water dripped from her night gown as she walked in. I followed her like the trail that the water drops left behind on her path. A trail of tears. Of her memories. Of me.

I was with her. In her every move. When I was alive I traveled like there was no life at home. She stayed home waiting for me to come back. I traveled. For work. For money. When I got back I usually got her expensive gifts. She always looked forward to be with me instead. Now I’m here spending every single moment with her. But she can never realize that. She starved. She slept. She watched television. She read. She slept again. Whatever she did, I was with her. Every moment.

She woke up to see the darkness. It was 7PM. She had slept for a long time. The silence after the rain wasn’t pleasant to me for the first time in my life. Life? I think I have grown impatient after my death. She sleepily walked to the bathroom, turned on the water in the bathtub and dropped in the bath salts. She turned on the radio and began to undress. She sank into the tub and closed her eyes. I sat beside her. How pretty she looks. Be it early in the morning or late in the night. The charm lies in her smile and the flawless skin. She smiled all of a sudden. I sank into my own tub of worries for not being able to let her know that I was right next her. After her beauty bath she stepped out and I was mesmerized at her pristine body all over again. I’m never going to feel her ever again.

She wore one of my favorite sarees. The black sequined one that was made just for her. She put on her diamond-studded necklace. The glitter can never overshadow her looks. She looked her own self that evening. Mansi. Simple. But elegant. She kept staring at the mirror. And then threw a smile. What was running on her mind? She pulled out my favorite perfume and dabbed it gently. She pulled out her lipstick and glossed her lips. This was the only thing I never liked and it has been quite sometime since I saw her putting it on. She looked complete. Beautiful. Elegant. But for the lipstick.

She walked to the living room and cleaned the couch. Maybe someone is coming. Maybe her friends are coming over. But why is she dressed for me? She sat in the couch watching television and I sat beside her. Looking at her. Somebody was at the door. She walked hurriedly and opened it. A dandy looking handsome man stood at the door with a bunch of flowers in his hands. She gave it to her and kissed her on her cheeks. She closed the door behind him. They sat there on the couch. Close to each other. I sat opposite to her. And her friend. “What took you so long?” she asked. The same question she used to ask me every time I was late. “I had to stop by to pick some flowers and some Chinese food for you” he said effortlessly. I was usually grumpy after a tiring day and said “Just work”. But at least, I never lied to her.

She pulled him close to her and comforted herself in his warm breath. “I cried all night”, she said. Maybe she is going to tell him how much she missed me and how painful it is to go through it. A friend does help at times such as these. “I know, I was rude yesterday. I’m Sorry”, he said and threw his arm around her, It wasn’t me then. The tears were for him. Because of him. She was in his thought all through the day while I followed her like her shadow every moment. I was beginning to feel heavy in spite of being invisible. My wife and her friend. In each other’s arms. They watched the television. They laughed at it. They smiled at it. They even frowned at it. And then they kissed. For a long time. Did I have a heart to watch it? Oh no! The heart stopped a few days back and that is why I’m dead and gone. Should I be happy to see her with another man after my death? Or should I still want her to live in my thoughts? Forever? She must move on. I should be happy that she could do it this fast. The moving on in life.

They then moved away from each other. Maybe it was my presence. Maybe it happened because I was not there. They sat down at the table to have their Chinese dinner. She unwrapped a box of prawns. She smiled at him. My favorite prawns. She had served that to me on that fateful night. I had choked on prawns while relishing it hurriedly. And my life was gone in the snap of a finger. “Siddarth liked these prawns that you had served that night didn’t he?” he asked as he served her. “Yeah. He thought I cooked it for him” she began to eat. “And he died just like that as soon as he took the second bite!” he laughed. “Everybody knows now that he died coz of prawns. He choked” she said. “We know that you had poisoned him” he said and moved closer to her.

If I had had a heart, it would have been shattered and I would have shed tears for each of those million dilapidated pieces. But all I could do was dissolve in thin air. The colorless soul. With moisture. In pain. Of betrayal.